Stefan's Florilegium

Frm-Balthazar-art

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Frm-Balthazar-art - 8/2/00

A series of daily articles on period history by Sir Balthazar of Endor. (humor)

NOTE: See also the files: timeline-art, calenders-msg, med-calend-art,
Charlemagne-art, Isabella-art, Otto-T-Great-art, St-Hildegard-msg, Lamoral-art,
Joan-of-Arc-art, Margery-Kemp-msg.

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NOTICE -

This file is a collection of various messages having a common theme that
I have collected from my reading of the various computer networks. Some
messages date back to 1989, some may be as recent as yesterday.

This file is part of a collection of files called Stefan's Florilegium.
These files are available on the Internet at: http://www.florilegium.org

I have done a limited amount of editing. Messages having to do with
seperate topics were sometimes split into different files and sometimes
extraneous information was removed. For instance, the message IDs were
removed to save space and remove clutter.

The comments made in these messages are not necessarily my viewpoints. I
make no claims as to the accuracy of the information given by the
individual authors.

Please respect the time and efforts of those who have written these
messages. The copyright status of these messages is unclear at this
time. If information is published from these messages, please give
credit to the orignator(s).

Thank you,
Mark S. Harris AKA: Lord Stefan li Rous
mark.s.harris@motorola.com stefan@florilegium.org
************************************************************************

From: "j'lynn yeates" <jyeates@realtime.net>
To: <ansteorra@ansteorra.org>
Subject: ANST - EuroBoys Overseas
Date: Thu, 15 Jun 2000 17:17:19 -0500

for your enjoyment, the following post is shared as it was received
from a close bro'(origional posted on a "family" elist), with
specific permission granted from the author, Sir Balthazar, a rather
infamous, ex-pat ansteorran ...

'wolf

Dear Folk,

Today, June 14, back in 1191 Phillip II ordered a full out attack on
the Moslem held city of Acre. It failed. I mean we had French and
English and whomsoever they could scrape together just a waling and a
bashing on this fortress city. Death and destruction all around.
Salah ad-Din's (better known to the West as Saladin)troops held.

Now the battle actually had been going on since June 6th. Richard I,
the Lionheart, had arrived on the scene and Phil was kind of anxious to
show him what French troops could do. Phil and Rick were best friends
and some say lovers. Still, they were competing kings of great
countries. Phil's dad was Louis VII whom Eleanor of Aquitaine had
divorced to marry Henry II (Rick's dad). Did Phil hate / envy Rick just
a little because Ellie went over to Hank? Boy! in anycase, that was
some close kinship.

The name Acre in Hebrew is sort of "Akko" and in Ancient Greek
"Ptolemais." There's probably about 50,000 folk there now. It is north
of Mt. Carmel in NW Israel. Acre is a seaport town which made it
crucial for the crusaders. The best way to get supplies was from the
sea. Avoiding those pesky Moslem raiding parties and the heat of the
desert was essential. Acre was first taken by the crusaders in 1104.

Salah ad-Din had been consolidating Moslem power since the 1170s when
he took Egypt and Syria. In 1183 he took the town of Aleppo which
served notice to the crusaders he was for real. On May 1, 1187 he beat
the Hospitlers and Templars at Nazareth. Losing that holy ground must
have stung badly.

The major battle of the 2nd Crusade took place on July 4, 1187 in a
stretch of desert and sand hills called the Horns of Hattin. The
Hospitlers and Templars were led into a dry and dangerous camp. The
crusaders went into a trap that was to crush the flower of chivalry
for years. Templars getting beheaded, kings being ransomed. Ugly stuff.

Anyway, the third crusade was started around 1189. Phil and Rick were
there. After over a month of siege, Acre fell to the crusaders. Salah
ad-Din decided that making nice was the crafty thing to do. In 1192
the crusaders and the great Moslem leader concluded a peace treaty, The
Peace of Ramala. The crusaders got a strip of land along the coast. The
Moslems pretty much got the rest. Phil went home. Rick went towards
home but got captured along the way (see Robinhood legends about
Prince John). Salah ad-Din eventually died. Hey, we all do.

So what is the lesson here? Patience and broadsword win the city?
Things never work out the way you plan? Soldiers die so that kings can
sip sherbert in the shade? Watch out for lack of drinkable water?

I like that last one. Watch out for lack of water. I am also a firm
believer of "don't go in nobody strange's 'hood and act Billy Badass."
See, the Moslems knew the turf; those blue-eyed EuroBoys did not.
Reminds me about a story about Vietnam which will have to wait.

Peace, Love, and Fight Yer Own Damned Wars,
Ells

From: "j'lynn yeates" <jyeates@realtime.net>
To: <ansteorra@ansteorra.org>
Subject: ANST - Ides of June
Date: Thu, 15 Jun 2000 17:19:00 -0500

another from Sir.B.
'wolf
---------------
Dear Folk,

Today June 15th is the anniversary of so many things overwhelmingly
important things. So if you do not feel like going to work, you have
ample excuses. I will give you three.

On this day in 1215 The Magna Carta was signed by John Lackland of
England. You may remember John as the youngest of Henry IIšs sons. He
is generally portrayed as a greasy, sniveling coward. Fact is that John
has such an ill-repute in England that no heir to the throne since has
been named John. John came to the throne originally as Prince John who
was just sitting in for his noble brother Richard I, the Lionheart.

When Rick was heading back from the Third Crusade in 1192 he had the
misfortune to be captured by Leopold, Duke of Austria. Leo was no fool,
he sent Rick in chains to Emperor Henry VI. Meanwhile, Saladin, his old
enemy and friend, died. It took over a year for Prince John to get
together enough money to ransom his brother Rick. Say what you will,
John did send the money by Western Union and Rick did go free.

Now when someone else is in charge of the house for awhile, you find
that things have changed. Rick was kind of miffed that John had lost
lots of French dirt. First thing out of the chute, Rick heads up folks
from England to go whomp up on the French. Rick never did stay long in
England. In fact he married Berengaria of Navarre (May 12, 1191) when
he was on his way to the Crusade. Eleanor had dragged the poor girl all
the way to Cyprus to marry her warrior son. Queen B never even set one
dainty foot on Albion. She probably would not have liked it there
anyway. Food was horrid. Rick finally got his at a small French castle
called Chalus. Took a crossbow bolt in the shoulder, it got infected,
he died (March 1199).

John became king and needed a queen. He married a sprightly lass named
Isabella of Angoulem. The blushing bride was 12 years old at the time.
When not cavorting and raising taxes John did much to subdue the Welsh
and the Scots and the Irish. Made sure that all Englishmen practiced
with the Welsh longbow. Yea!

Anyway, John got cornered by his barons. At a place called Runnymeade
he signed a piece of parchment granting rights of governance to his
barons. This did nothing for the common folk directly, mind you. This
Magna Carta John repudiated as soon as he got free of the rather
well-armed barons. Of course, the barons declared an unpleasantness
against John (the First Baronial War 1215-1217) which went on until
William Marshall put them down. Bill Marshall was called upon to
protect Johnšs son Hank III after Johnšs passing (Oct 19, 1216).

Some say that the Magna Carta was the beginnings of democracy in
England. To me it shows that you can get folks to sign just about
anything if you have a nice sharp broadsword and the will to use it.
Anyway, happy Magna Carta Day!

On a similar note, on this day in 1381 Wat Tyler died thus putting an
end to Wat Tyleršs Rebellion. Here was a man of the people. The pass
phrase, which I stole for my ending of "Long Lankin," was "When Adam
delved and Eve spun, who were the gentlemen?" Essentially, somewhere
along the line we were equal; what happened? Where did we get these
kings? Good question. Someday I will tell you about the origins of
"government."

Finally, and I know this is getting long, on June 15th, 1648, Margret
Jones of Charlestown, Massachusetts Colony, was the first person in the
New World to be executed for witchcraft. I cannot celebrate that but
will say that with the present political realities of certain Texas
governors, she certainly will not be the last.

So that is the news for today in the trenches, in the Debilšs Ditch.
Be kind to each other. Love your enemy and drive him nuts.

Your chronicler,
Ells

From: "j'lynn yeates" <jyeates@realtime.net>
To: <ansteorra@ansteorra.org>
Subject: ANST - Musing on June 20th
Date: Tue, 20 Jun 2000 13:28:50 -0500

Dear Folks,

Today, June 20th, is the anniversary of "al Hajira," the flight. It is
the start of the Moslem era. Happened 622 CE. So happy birthday, Moslem
calendar! It is also our Prince John Lacklandšs birthday (1189).
Quite a combination.

We have already kind of mused on Johnny, the throne, his child bride,
his brothers, and mother. So we will just wish John well wherever he
is.

I am no Moslem scholar so forgive me if I muddle things up. Mohammed
was born on August 20, 570 CE. I know, the date was not exact and I
... further historical musings passed along from Sir Balthazar, an
illustrious (infamous?) ex-pat ansteorran.

'wolf

Dear Folks,

We have already kind of mused on Johnny, the throne, his child bride,
his brothers, and mother. So we will just wish John well wherever he
is.

I am no Moslem scholar so forgive me if I muddle things up. Mohammed
was born on August 20, 570 CE. I know, the date was not exact and I
have not done his chart to rectify iit. I do like that it puts hi still
in Leo and right on the Virgo cusp. His dad, Abdallah, died right after
Mohammed was born. Then his mom passed away when Mohammed was only six.
Poor kid. He was farmed out to his uncle Abu-Talib who set the boy to
watching the sheep and goats. Lots of shepherds in that region. Guess
he grew strong and bored out on the hillsides. Probably threw rocks
at birds, made up his own songs, whatever.

When Mohammed was 25 he married a rich widow, Khadeejah, who was 15
years his senior. She bore him six children all of whom, save Fatimah
his beloved daughter, died very young. Letšs face it, Khadeejah was
forty when she married Mohammed. Her biological clock was alarming
pretty strongly.

Things turned around pretty heavily in 612 CE. Mohammed got a call, he
said, from the Angel Gabriel. It was not an easy message; these sorts
seldom are. He had to go kick butt and put all the heathen tribes on
the path of monotheism. It is oft cited as proof of the Divinity of the
Message that Mohammed was able to convince his wife of its reality.
Think of that: he has a vision and his wealthy, older wife believed
him.

Mohammedšs tribe had controlled Mecca with its magickal and holy spot
the Kaaba. Some say that the Kaaba is a meteorite, a very large one. I
like that, myself. The desert tribes had been leaving bits of offerings
at this shrine for centuries. Mohammed decided, with the aid of his
holy visitor, that these pagans had to get right with Allah (God of
Abraham and Moses.) Mohammed converted a whole bunch of folks: his
father-in-law, his slave, other tribe members. They grew in number and
irritation until in 622 CE, June 20th, the folks of Mecca kicked them
out, "The Flight." Mohammed went to Medina to gather strength and to
preach his message.

Eight years later, in 630 CE, Mohammed and his band returned to Mecca,
smashed the pagan idols around the Kaaba, and essentially won the
religious war. Okay, I skipped some bloody spots. Go back and read them
yourself. Mohammed went to his heaven in 633 CE. He was taken off with
a fever for those of you who always want to know about such things. And
yes, I did read that he also suffered with epilepsy throughout his
life.

What lessons do we have here? Marry a rich widow and convince her of
your message? He who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day?
I think my lesson is iconoclasts (idol breakers) are usually revered
only after they are dead. And what of the Kaaba which those heathens
idolized? Oh, the Moslems now circle around it as a holy activity
during their pilgrimage to Mecca. Hey, idol makers can always
outstrip idol breakers.

A Billy Idol fan myself,
Ells

From: "j'lynn yeates" <jyeates@realtime.net>
To: <ansteorra@ansteorra.org>
Subject: ANST - Musing on June 24, Unto the Pure All is Pure
Date: Sun, 25 Jun 2000 12:07:33 -0500

todays musings from Sir Balthizar covers a area of long-time
intertest to myself and a historical incident that i've mentioned
before - the Albigensian Crusade .. he provides some more information
for those interested in such things.

pay particular attention to supposed origions of the term "kill them
all and let god sort them out" (documentation anyone ????) and one of
my particular favorites, "better an infidel than a heretic" (we of
the heretical faith just can't get no respect ... grin w/fangs)

'wolf

Dear Folk,

On this day June 24, 1209, the crusade against the Albegensians (The
Cathari) started out from Lyon, France. It took over 35 years to wipe
out these evil heretics. The crusade against them, to show them the
light, was lead by such notables as Simon de Montford and Domingo De
Guzman.

You might remember Domingo for a couple of things. One, he was so good
in the military and such a great soul, he was canonized as St. Dominic.
All those nifty Dominicans who lead the Inquisition were his folk!
Remember the Singing Nun? Her song łDominic˛ was in praise of him. Oh,
the second was from his famous quote. As the final Cathar city was
about to fall, one of Domingo's subordinates wondered how they would
separate the Catholics from the non-Catholics, to which Domingo replied
with "Kill them all, let God sort them out" And you thought we came
up with that in Vietnam!

The Cathari were a horrid lot. They must have been for the pope to
declare a crusade against them. This was in the middle of all that
fighting in the Holy Land. The pope decides to go whomp up on some
folks in Southern France instead. As one of the Church fathers was
heard to remark, łBetter an infidel than a heretic.˛

Cathari, means "pure" in Greek. Branded heretics by the Church, little
remains to speak of them today, other than Inquisition records. Their
writings were destroyed along with their earthly bodies. Guess the
good guys won.

Some of their heresies that we know of included the belief in a spirit
of the land, then known as Oc, which was that of tolerance and personal
liberty. They also believed in a duality, a fight between Good and
Evil. That was an obvious error because we all know everything,
including Dominic De Guzman, is Good. They also held women as equals,
and are credited with being responsible for Courts of Love,
troubadours, the Grail Legends. We also know the revered the Gospel of
John, used caves for initiation, were in touch with the power of stone
(tellurgic currents), and used the pentacle. There is also some
evidence they believed in reincarnation.

It is one thing for an old guy to decide to renounce the world and
become a monk. It is quite another thing for entire villages to do so.
These folks were led by vegetarians who did not have sex! And they did
not believe in the authority of popes or kings. They preached a
reformation of Christianity and the harsh feudal laws. These folks
were subversive to the very fabric of their society.

The supposed end of all this piety and disobedience to established
government and church came at Montségur, a castle in Southern France.
Below Montségur lies a peaceful meadow, its name, "Field of the
Burned". In March, 1244, 205 Cathars were burned alive on the site,
rather than renounce their creed. They marched singing and willingly
into that fire. Funny, the crusaders failed to find the supposed
wealth of the Cathari.

Are there any lessons to be learned here? Grasshopperšs always wrong in
argument with chicken? Fire nicely destroys heretics and their
doctrine? Yes, Janet Reno, you can put your hand down. Be one badass
dude and you can become a saint? Some treasure is not visible to the
profane eye? I think I shall go with a now-Buddhist monk, Leonard
Cohen, on this one: ˛Myself Išve yearned for love and light but must
It come so cruel and oh so bright?˛

History is written by the winners and sometimes the whiners,
Ells

From: "j'lynn yeates" <jyeates@realtime.net>
To: <ansteorra@ansteorra.org>
Subject: ANST - Musing on June 26th, Oh Ricky, You're So Fine! (part I)
Date: Tue, 27 Jun 2000 17:49:35 -0500

todays installement from Sir B. ... convoluted medieaval royal
politics and a opinion that will probably irk more than a few ...
care to guess which one (g)

'wolf

Dear Folk,

On June 26, 1483, Richard Duke of Gloucester took the English throne
As Richard III. He became the last Plantaganet and arguably the last
medieval king of England.

Now some of you out there are saying łWhoopie-turtle, another stinking
king!˛ Okay, you might be right. Ricky III is interesting, though. The
play that Shakespeare (or somebody) wrote of that title is one great
slam-dunk of a king. In the play, we find Ricky engineering the deaths
of two little kids, his brother George, and few others. Kills one enemy
and tricks that dead guyšs wife into marrying him. Tragically-cool
king stuff.

Ricky came to power finally within the last two years of the War of
Roses (1455-85), thirty years of civil war which had just wasted
England. A guy by the name of Dick York, you may remember him from
"Bewitched," thought that Hank VI was not very smurfy and also did
not have as much right to the throne as he did. Dick was directly
descended from Eddie III (remember poor Eddie II? Well, Eddie III was
his son.). Dick York and his second son Edmund were killed by Hank VIšs
wife Margaret (actually her forces but Maggie of Anjou was no slouch
when it came to hammering on) in 1460. Hank was pretty mellow. Some
say a little dotty. That is the rep you get when you just donšt like
killing.

Hank VI was a Lancaster (sort of the Hatfields of the drama) descended
from Hank Bolingbroke who murdered Dick II, grandson of Eddie III back
in 1399. The McCoys were the Yorks. With Dick York out of the way, it
looked like the next one to pick up the banner was Dick Yorkšs eldest
son, Eddie IV. Eddie lost no time in running Maggie back to France
and locking up good, but spacey Hank VI (for his own safety).

Eddie kept the peace, his peace but a peace nešertheless, until 1469.
How it got broken is interesting.

Poor Eddie IV, he screwed things up when he went and fell for a
commoner. The whole War of the Roses thing was about whom was more
kingly. Nothing like diluting the claim to the throne. Okay, Lizzie
Woodville was rich and a babe but had some really tacky relations --
not as bad as some of our presidents, but close. Eddie and Lizzie got
together just as Warwick was off trying to arrange a marriage of
Eddie IV to the sister of the French king.

Warwick, who was Eddiešs cousin, had raised George and Ricky as
children. Warwick had two daughters and no sons and was kind of looking
to cement his royal way of life. George (Eddie's bro.) even married the
eldest daughter Isabel without Eddiešs knowledge or consent. Eddie hit
the roof. Then he had to go embarrass Warwick again in front to the
French.

What have we gotten from this so far? Although we may be very kingly,
there are always folks who fancy themselves our betters? When you marry
a lady, you tend to marry her whole family? I think I find that no
matter how nice you tend to be and how loyal, someone in power can
forget your feelings entirely.

This is getting long. How about I continue this later? Say łyes.˛
(Part II tomorrow)

Getting ready to watch "Looking for Richard," again,
Ells

From: "j'lynn yeates" <jyeates@realtime.net>
To: <ansteorra@ansteorra.org>
Subject: ANST - Musing on June 28th; :Lancing a Lot
Date: Wed, 28 Jun 2000 15:30:46 -0500

todays missive from Sir.B. .... crusade!, space rocks, & spear of
destiny stuff

'wolf

Dear Folk,

On this date June 28, 1098 just outside of Antioch in the Holy Land was
fought the most deciding battle of 1st Crusade, The Battle of the
Lance. Pretty interesting story mixing faith, religion, and good old
fashioned slaying.

The 1st Crusade was fought from 1095 to 1100; this was June of 1098.
The Europeans were stalled inside of Antioch. The Moslems lead by a
dude named Kerbogha (hey, when you have a name like that, you donšt
need a last name. It was like Madonna or Prince or Iman.) were also not
feeling too well. Distention within the ranks was the order of the day.
Some things happened to turn the tide for the European guys: a vision
- -- actually a series of them an archeological "find" and a meteor.

On June 10th a poor peasant by the name of Peter Bartholomew, the
servant of a member of Count Raymond of Tolousešs army, came before
Count Ray and Bishop Adhemar. Okay, here is this ragamuffin coming into
these rich and buff dudes, he wants to tell them of his dreams, right.
He told them that St. Andy (patron saint of Scotland you might recall)
had been giving him some inside dope. St. Andy said that the spear that
those nasty Romans used to poke Jesus in the side on the original Good
Friday was buried beneath the church (St. Petešs) in Antioch. Bless
Rayšs heart, he believed that poor servant. Bishop Addie was less
Than enthusiastic.

You know that is the role of the established clergy, after all: not to
believe peasants when they say they have had mystical experiences. I
think it might be that like guys who become cops -- wanting to make the
world good and safe -- get burned out and become cynical, so do church
folk. They remove themselves from the very urge which put them in there
in the first place. Maybe not. Forgive that aside. I just had this
inspiration.

Anyway, Bishop Addie sat on his hands about this until a priest
approached him. The priest essentially told him the same thing (this
time probably in Latin which makes everything sound good.) Addie
decided to believe and gave the go ahead for a small church renovation
project. Put up the cones and ropes and watch your step!

On June 14th, the Crusaders saw a meteor fall on the Moslem camp. It
seemed like a good omen: God throwing fireballs and all. So, the very
next day a group of diggers headed for St. Petešs. Count Ray was there,
of course Pete Bartholomew, and a historian Ray of Aguilers. I am sure
they brought some other guys to help with the heavy work. And it was
heavy work, and hot, and nasty. People took turns. Count Ray got tired
and left. Pete Bartholomew jumped into the hole and in a few seconds he
gave a yell. He had found the lance. Who would have doubted it would be
Pete? Ray Aguilers said he witnessed it still being in the ground. So
there, you doubters!

Everyone was jazzed. Okay, Bishop Addie still did not believe any of
this but knew when to keep quiet. Whatever the case, the Crusaders
knew that they had better get a move on soon. The Moslems were rumored
to be in disarray. The Crusaders were running out of Ding-Dongs and Big
Macs. Those horses were starting to look like barbecue material. The
Euro-dudes set the date of going out and doing something as June
28th.

When the day came, they duct taped the Holy Lance to a pole at the head
of the army. Kerbogha was in the middle of a very disagreeable staff
meeting when word came that the Crusaders were looking fine and in
line. Turkish Moslems decided that therešs no place like home and
split. When Dukak (great Klingon name) of Damascus trucked, every
home boy had business elsewhere.

The Crusaders normally would have just pillaged and raped there at the
Moslem camp but they were on a "Holy Mission." Instead they ran the
fleeing Turks down and got medieval on their buttocks. Many a Turk
saw Allah that day, June 28, 1098, The Battle of the Lance.

You might ask "What happened to the Lance then?" That is a long story.
Suffice it to say that Charlemagne supposedly carried into battle.
Adolph Hitler supposedly took the same from a museum in Austria. It got
returned after WW II. And if it hasnšt been lost, stolen, or sold, it
is there to this day.

What have we learned from this? Meteors are good omens for some but bad
for others? Bishops are more likely to believe priests than peasants? I
like to think that it does not matter so much if something is "big R"
Real as it does that people think it is.

From: "j'lynn yeates" <jyeates@realtime.net>
To: <ansteorra@ansteorra.org>
Subject: ANST - Musing on June 26th Oh Ricky, You're So Fine (Part II)
Date: Wed, 28 Jun 2000 13:43:49 -0500

2of2 from Sir B. put them together, read in depth, and try to keep
the politics straight ... pure headache material

enjoy

'wolf

Dear Folk,

Thank you for your patience.

Where were we then? Ah yes, Eddie IV was on the throne, now married to
Elizabeth Woodville, the beautiful widow of a rather common knight.
Eddiešs brother George Duke of Clarence married Warwickšs elder
daughter, Isabel, and Eddie was hacked. No consideration there for
Eddie embarrassing Warwick on his mission to France. Ricky is now
Duke of Gloucester.

Warwick was very peeved at Eddie. In 1469 Warwick did a little channel
surfing and found himself allied with Maggie of Anjou, the Xena of the
Lancastrians, and her son Edward Lancaster. What is worse, Warwick
talked his new son-in-law George Duke of Clarence into switching sides
and deserting his brothers. Warwick even married up his other daughter,
the lovely Anne, to Edward Lancaster to seal the deal. Warwick tried to
bring Ricky over but Ricky stayed loyal to his brother Eddie. Good
lad.

You have to hand it to Warwick, he did things right. He came back
across the channel and kicked York butt. Eddie and Ricky fled off to
Burgundy. Warwick sprang Hank VI, the old king, from the slammer and
set him up as king. Admittedly we do not know if Hank VI even knew he
had been deposed for awhile.

Eddie and Ricky did not just sit there drinking Burgundy dry. Everyone
knows that burgundy is fairly sweet anyway. I once tried drinking
Canada Dry and almost drowned. Eddie and Ricky came back and beat on
old Warwick. George Clarence switched sides, again. Surprised?
Meanwhile Warwick and Edward Lancaster (married to Anne Warwick) got
themselves acutely and chronically deceased. By 1471 Eddie was back
in the saddle for good.

It seemed important to make sure the Lancasters stayed down so Eddie
ordered Hank VI to see his primary care physician at a special York
HMO. Hank expired of łnatural causes˛ over abundance of iron I
hear. Shed a tear.

During the unpleasantness, Lizzie went off and had a son by Eddie. They
named him Eddie (as in Eddie V). Later on they had another son whom
they dubbed Ricky York (after his uncle); aw.

Ricky asked his brother Eddiešs permission to marry the widow Anne.
Anne was pretty darned rich being one of the heirs of Warwick and the
Nevillešs fortune. George claimed he was Annešs protector. Somehow
Eddie never trusted George again after those trips across the channel.
Ricky got to marry his childhood sweetheart, Anne. I know, you saw
Richard III and think that Anne was some helpless pawn in the clutches
of the ruthless Ricky. Maybe that is true but they did know each
other pretty darned well..

George somehow was not smart. One of the words on the street was that
he had obtained some evidence that Eddie and Lizziešs wedding wasnšt
legit. He was łdiscreetly˛ showing this evidence to
one-person-at-a-time. Eddie arrested George and was going to quietly
try him for treason. Ricky actually pleaded for his brotheršs life.
Lizziešs kin were very hacked at George, of course, and at Ricky for
muddying up a perfectly good lynching. In 1478, just after Isabelšs
death, Eddie did the right thing by his bride and had George see that
doctor of his.

Not much happened in the next few years until 1483. Richard and Anne
lived sweetly together in their childhood home. All was cool and the
kingdom prospered. Of course in April 1483, Eddie IV died. In his will
he named Ricky to be guardian of Eddie V and protector of the realm.
Lizziešs folk, the Woodvilles, worried about being sent back to the
trailer courts decided to just take care of little Eddie V themselves.
Ricky got wind of it, drove down to London and grabbed the boy from
those yokels.

Then within a week that evidence that George had gotten hold of
suddenly surfaced. Seems that Edward IV was really already betrothed
and could not have legitimately married Lizzie. Whoops! That makes
Eddie V and Ricky York born on the wrong side of the tapestry, so to
speak. While embarrassing, that did mean that the only one with claim
to the throne was Ricky. He took over with the wishes of Parliament
and the people of England. Mostly.

Two years does not seem like a long time for anything. Ricky III got to
be king only for two short years. On August 22, 1485 the last Lancaster
Henry (VII) Tudoršs forces met Ricky III at the battle of Bosworth
Field. Remember the ła horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse˛ scene?
Hank Tudor only won because the Stanleys betrayed Ricky at the last
minute. Ricky III perished himself there. Hank did not even fight in
the battle. Coward!

Tudor was from an illegitimate line, himself, but he did win that
battle, sort of. Who killed those two sons of Eddie IV? It may well
have been Ricky but it may have also been Hank Tudor. With all this
legitimizing of bastard kids, Eddiešs kids were much better claimants
to the throne. For that matter, there were at least ten others with
better claim to the throne. Somehow those folks all died, must have
been in the same HMO, within a few years of Hank VIIšs ascension.
Puzzling evidence.

Hank tried to look a little more presentable by marrying Eddie IVšs
eldest daughter, Lizzie York. From this line we get Hank VIII, a
pleasant guy who had some dysfunctional marriages, and his daughter
Lizzie I, the Virgin Queen. Gee whiz, Shakespeare was writing about the
time of Lizziešs reign. Isnšt it interesting that Ricky III, the guy
killed by Lizziešs grandfather, was portrayed as such a bad guy?
Hunchback and everything. History is a bit confused as to if Ricky was
deformed but it made great theatre. Look what Disney did with Victor
Hugo.

So ends the War of the Roses and the short reign of Ricky III. Hero,
villain, or just this guy? You decide. What have we learned with all
of this? You might be careful of channel surfing when someone else is
trying to watch? Following your unclešs advice might not be so hot?
Some bastards shouldnšt be king but some wind up being one anyway?
Marrying your childhood sweetheart is worth the wait? Write flattering
things about your patronšs family? I donšt know, I think Išll stick
with łHistory is written by the winners.˛

And yes, łLooking for Richard˛ is simply wonderful. Go rent it and see
Al Pacino deconstructing łRichard III.˛ Wynona Rider, you were luscious
as Anne. I would stab myself if you asked it, too. Kevin Spacey was
very deep and crafty as Buckingham. The whole thing is worth owning.
Buy a copy and give it to you local theatre group.

As always, forward to whomever but keep my name and email on it.
Maybe Wynona will want to get in touch.

Go out and do something historical,
Ells

From: "j'lynn yeates" <jyeates@realtime.net>
To: <ansteorra@ansteorra.org>
Subject: ANST - Musing on June 29 -- Wrasslin' with Saracens
Date: Thu, 29 Jun 2000 23:45:48 -0500

Sir B's daily musing tends to the alchemical ....

'wolf

Dear Folk,

On June 29, 1315, the "Doctor Illuminatus", philosopher, poet, and
theologian, Raymond Lully (Lull or Lulle) went to heaven while trying
to convert the Moors over in Tunis. Ray was born somewhere between 1232
and 1236 in Majorca, Spain. He was a smart-aleck poet who hung-out at
the court of King Jim of Aragon where his dad was seneschal (sort of
master of ceremonies & head waiter.) Suddenly Ray left court and
became a hermit. This gets good.

The story is that Ray was courting, against her will, the very married
Donna Ambrosia Eleanora Di Castello. Isnšt that a great name! Ambrosia
Eleanora, wow! Ray was following a tad closely. Okay, he was stalking
her. She could not sneeze without Ray saying "God bless you!" He wrote
her some very hot verses which had a somewhat different effect than he
thought. Ambrosia sent Ray a note to come meet her in private. Ray was
there before the ink was dry. Ambrosia told him that since he had
written such torrid verses about her beauty, he should see more of
them. Stop there for a moment, dear reader. Think. What is going to
happen next? The dear and virtuous "Lady A" drew aside her garments and
revealed one side of her body which had been nearly eaten away by
cancer. Needless to say, Ray had an epiphany. Epiphany, you know, like
when you realize that Certs is a candy mint and a breath mint? Ray went
and lived in a hut on a hill for six years after that. Later he
hooked up with the Order of St. Francis

Ray developed a passion which was ultimately to lead to his death: the
urge to convert Moslems to Catholicism. He studied Arabic, founded a
school in Majorca to teach Arabic and Chaldean especially to those
heading to the Holy Land. God had given him a mission: to get himself
all buffed up to go theologically wrestle with the heathen across the
straits.

He invented a computer of sorts, a mechanical contrivance, a logical
machine, he called the "Ars Generalis Ultima" or the "Ars Magna." This
machine was to prove or disprove logical arguments thus putting
philosophy majors out of a job and causing attendance at coffee houses
to plummet. He spent a good deal of time tinkering with this and wrote
extensively about it. Obviously this proto-computer nerd was not
dating very much.

Ray ran into an alchemist named Arnold of Villa Nova. Arnie taught Ray
alchemy and the secret of transmuting and multiplying metals. Now, I
know you probably think that anyone who tells you they can turn lead
into gold is most likely out to steal your chickens. Brethren and
cistern, you are probably right.

A small word about the science of alchemy. You alchemists just hush up
and go stir something, okay? There are really at least two types of
this operation: lead into gold, I mean. The first is what you are
thinking give me some lead and I will presto-change-o make it into
gold. That is the outer work. The inner work is the transmutation of
the lead in your heart to gold. Spiritual stuff, right? Ray claimed
and demonstrated that he could do the first. You decide for yourself.
I wasnšt there.

Okay, alchemists can rejoin the party.

Ray received summons from Eddie II -- remember him and his bad end
and Robert the Bruce, king of Scotland. Eddie promised Ray that if
Ray would only make some gold for him, Eddie would go whomp up on the
Moslems. Ray was overjoyed, as you can imagine. Ray got assigned some
rooms in the Tower of London where he converted fifty thousand pounds
weight of quicksilver (mercury), lead, and tin into pure gold. This
was, in turn, coined into six million nobles, each worth about three
pounds sterling (in 1928). Shoot! I donšt know how much money that
would be today but I would bet Darva Conger (sp?) would want to date
him.

Of course, Eddie did not use the gold for any such crusade. Ray figured
out that he was only a bird in a gilded cage and doggone it! he had
supply the gilding. Ray did send instructions up to Bob the Bruce on
how to do the lead into gold thing. There is no record about anyone up
there doing it, though. As Ray was sneaking out of London, or leaving
with discretion as I like to think of it, he cursed Eddie. Said that he
hoped nothing good would come to him. Probably even wished him
"Personal Growth." Folks, that is a might nasty curse. It ranks up
there with the Chinese "May you live in interesting times." Donšt go
wishing Personal Growth on anyone unless you are prepared to weather
it yourself. Mirror spells are all the rage these days.

Anyway, Ray sailed off to meet with his true calling wrasslinš with
the Saracens and his death in 1315. He went to Egypt, they were
amused; Jerusalem, they were less than receptive; and finally Tunis.
When I say he got stoned, understand this was a bummer of a head rush.
Ray got to go ask God "Why?" and the Saracens probably were sorry
later. We donšt know.

There was a movement afoot to have Ray made a saint. The Catholic
church figured that Ray was too involved with mixing theology and
mysticism and should just be forgotten. Sigh. Ray did write over 300
books. Wonder if Stephen King is close?

What is the point of all of this? Donšt chase after cars (or ladies)
because you might catch one? Beware of Moslems offering to get you
stoned? Kings might say one thing but...? No, we already did that
number. How about computer nerds wind up making all the gold?

Subject: ANST - Musing on June 30 -- Stick and stones will break my whatevers
Date: Sat, 1 Jul 2000 16:10:34 -0500
From: "j'lynn yeates" <jyeates@realtime.net>
To: <ansteorra@ansteorra.org>

- -----Original Message-----
From: Ellsworth Weaver [mailto:astroweaver@yahoo.com]
Sent: Saturday, July 01, 2000 02:35

Dear Folk,

On this date June 30, three major things happened. One occurred in
1520 in Mexico, one in 1559 in France and one in 1908 in Siberia. I
know, I normally do not talk about things as recent as 1908 but it
all fits together somehow. Maybe.

Letšs talk about 1520 Mexico. The Spaniards had landed in the New (to
them) World in 1492 or so. The first place they colonized was Cuba.
The Spaniards were intent on bringing enlightenment and slavery to the
natives and gold back home to Spain. Seemed fair to them. You have to
remember that the Spaniards had been paying a heavy price to fight
the Moors they had so recently kicked out of their country. Those
Americans were infidels as well. So it figures they should have to
pay for their conversion.

The Americans did not take well to slavery. They inconveniently just
died instead of picking cotton, digging gold, burping babies.
Governor Diego de Velazquez de Cuellar decided that there were hardier
stock folk on the mainland and sent expeditions out of Cuba to bring back
slaves, gold, and Big Macs. Henry de Cordoba went to the Yucatan in
1517. John Boy de Grijalva went to Veracruz where he heard about some
folk called Aztecs.

The third expedition, led by Hernan Cortez, managed to conquer these
Aztecs in less than three years. He landed in what is now Veracruz
with 11 ships, about 600 men, 16 horses, and a few very light cannon.
Strangely enough, some of the Americans were sick of the Aztecs and
decided that the Spanish were an improvement. See what comes from
remote management: heartache! These disgruntled Americans walked
beside Cortez and showed him the way to Tenochtitlan (what the Americans
called it before the Spaniards taught them it is Mexico) arriving in
November 1519. It was pretty cool that the Aztec priests led by their
ruler Montezuma II had been having visions of the god Quetzalcoatl as
a white dude coming across the sea. Hey, their visions were right on
the money.

Some folk say that the Spaniards led in technology. I disagree. The
Aztecs had breastplates and woven underarmor which could stop
anything except a very close direct hit by a bullet. They had swords
made out of wood just like the SCA but the edges had obsidian
embedded in them. Diaz, a historian of the expedition said he saw
one of these composite swords cut a horsešs head off. Think of the
amount of strapping and duct tape you would have to put on that to
make it safe for tourneys! OSHA would not allow it, that is for sure.
Obsidian spear points so sharp you could shave with them. And Cortez
had, what? 600 guys in his whole army. All it would have taken is
for each Aztec to pick up one rock each and heave it at a Spaniard.

The Spaniards under Cortez especially were trying to be diplomatic.
Okay, stealthy. They were not allowed by Cortez to rape or plunder.
Really. Montezuma and his people set no store in gold. They used it
for funerary offerings but that was about it. Montezuma gave gold freely
when the Spaniards told him that it was the only thing they could
eat. Crafty Spaniards. The Aztecs offered gifts that were hot items to
them: feathers, special sandals like Montezuma wore, even incense
made from the ambassadoršs own blood. High culture stuff which the
Spaniards just could not relate to.

The falling out came over religion. The Spaniards insisted on having
a cross and a statue of Mary on the holiest of grounds. The Aztecs let
them. But the Spaniards started dissing the Aztec gods and ancestors
of the king.

On the night of June 30-July 1, 1520, you knew I was getting back to
that date, known as "la noche triste" (the night of sadness),
Montezuma and the boys did a Popeye and said "Wešve had all we can
stands and we canšt stands no more!" Maybe they got wise that Cortez
was not exactly a god. They broke into the holy place, set fire to
the cross. No one ever found out what happened to the statue of Mary.
They generally raised heck and beat on the Spaniards and their Indian
allies. Cortez decided to vacation somewhere cooler. The following
summer, however, the Europeans, accompanied by thousands of Indian
mercenaries, sacked and besieged Tenochtitlan. Their capital in ruins
and their emperor dead, the Aztecs finally collapsed. Cortez named
his conquest New Spain and sent out expeditions to set up Spanish
"cultural centers" over the continent. Pedro de Alvarado conquered
(1523-24) the regions of Guatemala and El Salvador, which together
then constituted much of Central America. The Native American population
dropped from approximately 11 million to under 1 million in less than 20
years.

On this date in 1559, king Henry II of France had a tourney-related
injury. A wooden shaft of a lance splintered on impact and the sharp
pointy-thingy went right through his visor. Ouch! It entered his eye.
He died in agony 10 days later. Test question time: who was Hank IIšs
grieving widow? Do you remember from the other day? If you said Kate
de Medici, you are absolutely right. Those of you who guessed Isabella
Adjani were off by a generation. Isabella played her daughter
Margaret de Valois. This untimely end (he was only 40) of a French
monarch led to the banning of all such jousts. No second amendment
for these guys (pronouced "gise")! Tourneys were a way for knights not
otherwise engaged in war to go around the country looking studly,
challenging the locals, and picking up prize money. Well, that had to
stop, right then. End of an era. Sniff.

1908, Siberia. Cue the X-Files music. Something happened in a region
known as Tunguska. Something knocked the trees down. Not one or two
but hundreds of square miles of huge trees tossed down. To this day no
one knows exactly why. It is in a very remote area of Siberia. Mosquitos
as big as horses, bogs as deep as the horse manure I generate. Anyway,
something went boom. Loudly. Was it a mini-black hole? A meteor
exploding just before touch down (there was no crater)? A UFO
carrying "The Black Oil" to infect Krycheck and Mulder? Beats me.
Sure is strange. Bet a lot of squirrels got themselves deceased that day.

What do all of these have in common? Hmm. Well, let us see. Even if
you are the king of a mighty nation or a big ass tree, you can fall?
Wooden thingies are dangerous? OSHA probably would not approve of any
of the three? The fall of anything can still be a mystery and generate
unanswerable questions? When someone asks you if you are a god, say
yes? I think mom said it best, "Itšs all fun and games until somebody
gets an eye put out."

As always, you may forward these things to anyone you want provided
my name and email address are on it.

Be careful out there,
Ells

From: "j'lynn yeates" <jyeates@realtime.net>
To: <ansteorra@ansteorra.org>
Subject: ANST - FW: Musing on July 2 -- Three Kings
Date: Mon, 3 Jul 2000 13:57:48 -0500

- -----Original Message-----
From: Ellsworth Weaver [mailto:astroweaver@yahoo.com]

Dear Folk,

On this day July 2, at least three things happened. Probably a heck of
a lot of great other things but shall we talk about at least these
three and the three kings they affected?

I am sure most of you remember from an earlier date my talking about
Hank VI, Lancaster king of Jolly Old England. It was noted that Hank
was a nice guy but was a lousy king. He really did not do much toward
keeping order, stability and prosperity in his realm. Instead he was
caught up in things like Bible study and trying to decide the rules for
kids painting on scrolls. Now I want to tell you about another guy who
opposed Hank -- Jack Cade and his rebellion. For on this date, the
rebellion spread into London.

Jack might have been Irish, we really donšt know. What we do know is
that he sometimes went by the name of John Mortimer and fought for
France against England during the Hundred Years War. With what England
had been doing to Ireland since King Johnšs time, who could blame
him?

In May 1450, Jack and some local boys decided that the nobles were
taking peasantsš land, stealing folks blind, taxing and pillaging,
forcing folks to work for nothing (we call that slavery), and the
incredibly corrupt courts which were letting all this go on. Jack
Cadešs Rebellion, as it became known, trounced the government force at
Sevenoaks, Kent, too. Huzzah! As mentioned previously, Jack entered
London to the cheers of most. His boys forced the London authorities to
condemn and execute both the sheriff of Kent and his father-in-law, the
lord chamberlain under King Hank. King Hank was hurried out of the way
to safety of Coventry. Heavy duty stuff. Everybody was ready to go back
to business as usual but Jack pushed things too far. More violence
erupted and the good London folk thought that was bad for business. You
know how revolutions can get in the way of the tourist trade.

The rebellion was soon in chains. Most of his men accepted pardons and
some offered concessions by King Hank. One little whoopsy: Jack Cade
was pardoned as John Mortimer. On July 12th, 1450. the new sheriff of
Kent, deciding to rectify things and take advantage of the opportunity
offered by that error, hunted down and killed Jack near Heathfield in
Sussex.

Now you might say that Jack Cade died in vain (or in Sussex) but that
rebellion sort of catalyzed the events which led to the rise of Dick
York (Edward IV and Richard IIIšs dad) and the War of the Roses. Not
only were Hank and the Lancasters of less noble blood, they were lousy
administrators the Yorks could and did charge. So, thanks, Jack.

July 2 also marks the anniversary of the Battle of Marston Moor (1644)
in the first English Civil War (1642 - 1646). This was a battle
between the forces of Parliament and the Royalists (supporters of King
Chuck I) in England. Marston Moor was a wild and windswept place about
6 miles west of York. The folks from Parliament were lead by Lord
Fairfax. The Royalists by the 1st Earl of Newcastle. The situation in
the war had been swinging both ways for awhile until the Scots got
involved. Letšs step back for a sec and look at the cause of this
unrest.

Chuck Stuart I was a great believer of the "Divine Right of Kings."
What he took that to mean is that sure he had some responsibilities but
he was king because God willed it so. Anyone questioning the kingšs
right to sit his throne was, in essence, a heretic. Cool position if
you can get everybody to go along with it. Remember that Chuck came
from the Scottish Stuarts who gave England King James (yes, the guy who
commission the Bible to be translated) right after Lizzie I died
childless. Okay, we all know Lizzie probably was Francis Baconšs mom
but...oh, I wasnšt supposed to tell you that, was I? Forget about that,
okay? Anyway, these nice Scottish folk were heavy into religion and
being king.

Problem was we had had so many other rebellions against bad rule there
in England from King John and his baronšs war to Jack Cade. The Divine
Right thing just was not flying, especially not with the Parliament
Who had gotten stronger under Lizzie.

Back to Marston. Newcastle was aided by Prince Rupert and they were
opposed by the Parliament forces aided by the Scots. Now you might ask
why the Scots were fighting against the Stuarts who were Scottish. The
answer is a long one but suffice it to say Scots like fighting
everybody second only to fighting other Scots. Besides Chuck had gotten
himself too far away from Scottish ways. He was pretty darn Frenchified
to the mind of many a single malt drinker. Prince Rupert and Newcastle
decided that being holed-up in York was not a good idea and decided to
head out of town where they could commence to mash and bash these
upstarts.

It was nasty and darkening when the Royalist forces finally got to the
site. Raining. It was obviously too nasty to fight, the ground was all
slippery and unsafe. Probably best just to pitch a tent and relax until
morning. Darn it! Nobody told Fairfax and the Parliamentarians (what a
wuss name! hard to even fit on a uniform much less as a battle cry.)
Fairfax and company fell upon the Royalists. Slaying was the order of
the evening. Rain and bad weather eventually did not bother any further
6000 late human beings. Most of the dead were Royalists, especially
their officers and experienced troops. The Royalists decided York was
not such a fun place and left quickly.

Two years later Chuck I surrendered to the Scots. The Scots turned
around and sold Chuck to Parliament for 400,000 pounds. That is a ton
ošmoney even today. Chuck made an escape to the Isle of Wight in
November 1647. The Scots switched sides to fight for Chuck in order to
get some English property in July 1648. Oliver Cromwell beat the Scots
at the Battle of Preston in August 1648. King Chuck lost his crown
and what was holding it January 30th, 1649. Sigh.

I cannot let today go by without noting the passing of a sweetheart of
a guy named Michel in 1566. He was born 14th December 1503 near
Avignon. He was a clairvoyant, an astrologer, a doctor of medicine, a
cosmetician, and a considerable historian. His grandfather, a Jew,
taught him Greek, Latin, Hebrew, and astrology / astronomy. He even had
some luck at treating plague victims. Obviously a bad guy. Michel (Mike
to us who knew him) did lose his wife and kids to the plague and his
father-in-law sued him to recover the dowry he had put up. And you
thought that unfair legal suits are new. He also upheld the heretical
viewpoint that the earth orbited the sun (this was 100 years before
Galileo, by the way.)

A chance remark caused Mike a bit of trouble. He told an "artist"
casting some bronze statue of the Virgin that the artist "was making
devils." He meant it as a critique of the artwork not because he wasnšt
down with the BVM, honest. Because of his astrology and because his
family had been Jewish until pious Christians with swords and other
devices convince them to see the light, the Inquistion did think they
ought to torture him a might to see if they could get him back in
line. Mike took off and hit the road. Sort of staying out of churches.

Queen Kate de Medici could not get enough of him. Mike predicted her
hubbyšs death, Hank II with the splintered lance (remember?) and that
all her sons would be king. Well, he missed on one of them, Frank
snuffed before he could inherit. It is said that Hank II was not much
interested in Mikešs predictions. However, later on Kate even gave Mike
a title of Physician in Ordinary, which carried with it a salary and
other bennies.

Sadly though, Mike passed away on this date July 2 leaving behind the
12 volumes of prophecies covering thousands of years into his future.
No other prophet since has covered such a large span of time. His book
The Centuries contains 965 quantrains written in the latter part of his
life. Oh, most folks called Mike by his Latinized last name:
Nostradamus.

What have we learned? Divine rights of kings only work when all the
folks believe it? In-laws should be outlawed? Scotsmen can attack at
night and may switch sides to boot? Stay out of churches if you are an
astrologer? Always make sure they spell your name right in the papers
and on the papers? I think I like: Kings who do not pay attention get
whacked.

Donšt you get whacked out there. I need the audience. Send me your
impressions, comments, praise, room keys. And when you forward these,
and I know you will, please be gentle and keep my name and email on it.
Thanks.

Celebrate your interdependence,
Ellsworth

BTW See "Chicken Run" -- funnier than you would believe.

From: "j'lynn yeates" <jyeates@realtime.net>
To: <ansteorra@ansteorra.org>
Subject: ANST - FW: Musing on July 3 -- Mary Meetings
Date: Wed, 5 Jul 2000 01:46:10 -0500

- -----Original Message-----
From: Ellsworth Weaver [mailto:astroweaver@yahoo.com]
Sent: Monday, July 03, 2000 19:36

Dear Folk,

Two quick ones today both united by a common thread, I guess. You
decide.

On July 3, 1518, in La Rue aux Ours, Paris, France, a drunken soldier
accidentally struck a portrait of the Blessed Virgin Mary. The painting
bled. Just like on X-Files, the portrait bled. Obviously the soldier
was sorry. He was drunk. He was promptly arrested, tried for heresy,
and burned at the stake.

On July 3, 1616 Bernardine (aka Bernardino) Realino went to his reward
with the words "Mary and Jesus" on his lips. Bernie was born of a noble
family in Capri, Italy in 1530. He was pretty much taught by his mom,
who did an excellent job by the way. He went off to U. of Bologna,
donšt ask what the school cafeteria served, to study medicine. After
three years of those sandwiches he decided to switch his major to
law. Indigestion can do that, sour a person.

He got his doctorate and got tapped to be an auditor and lieutenant
general of Naples a year later. He also was Mayor of Felizzano, Italy;
Judge; Head tax collector in Alesandria, Italy; Mayor of Cassine,
Italy;. Mayor of Castelleone, Italy; Superintendent of the fiefs of the
marquis of Naples. Golden boy, indeed. What on earth could stand in
the way of such a politician?

Her name was Mary. Yes, that same one. She appeared to him in a vision.
He found himself out on an 8 day retreat with the Jesuits (lawyer,
Jesuits, now there is a connection!) It did not take him long to join
the Society of Jesus. Within a few years he was teaching and preaching
and ministering. He especially was nice to the poor and to the galley
slaves. He even is said to have a small pitcher of wine which did not
run out until everyone was completely wasted. Cool miracle. Because of
this and a few other miracles plus his devotion to the poor, galley
slaves, and peace (he used his voice to stop several vendettas) in 1947
he was declared a saint. His Saint's Day was yesterday. Guess the 3rd
was taken. I'd take the fifth on that but there we are with the
alcohol again.

What have we learned? That a meeting with Mary can change the course of
onešs life? That Jesuits are a perfect place for lawyers? Hurt the lady
and you are in trouble? How about, the Great Spirit says that wine
makes us clumsy and stupid and I am enough of both? Just a personal
testimonial. *G*

Be careful with the wine this holiday, my friends.

Go see "The Patriot." Great movie and the Smithsonian did the
authenticity part.

Looking for my flintlock,
Ells

From: "j'lynn yeates" <jyeates@realtime.net>
To: <ansteorra@ansteorra.org>
Subject: ANST - FW: Musing on July 4th, A Short Stroll to Tiberius
Date: Wed, 5 Jul 2000 01:50:45 -0500

- -----Original Message-----
From: Ellsworth Weaver [mailto:astroweaver@yahoo.com]

Dear Folk,

On this day, July 4, 1187 Saladin, Commander of the Faithful, met with
the kings, knights and assorted royalty of the Latin East Kingdom (the
Holy Land) at a small hill called The Horns of Hattin. The meeting was
unfortunate. It did not have to happen. There had been a truce, you
see. Saladin was honoring it. The crusaders had difficulty keeping
their part of the bargain. What had been a bargain turned very
expensive.

Reynald of Chatillon, former Prince of Antioch, had been imprisoned by
Saladinšs mentor Nur ad-Din for 16 years. He was not fond of his Moslem
brethren. In fact, Reynald had cut down darned near a whole forest in
Moab to build boats. He tried them out in the Dead Sea, little sea
trials, and then put wheels on them and ported them to Aqaba on the Red
Sea. Of course he meant only nice things with these boats, sort of
spreading brotherhood and peace up and down the coast. Okay, he was not
above helping a boat that was too heavily laden with cargo to lighten
its load. And he was only organizing a welcome wagon for the folks in
Mecca when he landed that contingent of knights nearby. Honest. Saladin
sent the Egyptian fleet to go persuade Reynald to get out of the
neighborhood. Saladin, completely misunderstanding Reynaldšs ways,
vowed that Reynald would never be forgiven. This was in 1182.

1183 found Saladin besieging Kerak, Reynaldšs stronghold. How the story
is told, it was inconveniently during a wedding party Reynald was
hosting for his wifešs son, Humphrey of Toron, and the Princess
Isabella. Well, the party went on because the guests had all arrived
and it was already catered. Lady Stephanie, Reynaldšs wife, in a
gesture worthy of a lady from Texas sent down some food and dainties
for Saladin. Really! Saladin was moved to ask in which wing the
newlyweds were having their honeymoon. He then ordered his artillery
not to bother the new bride and groom. Awww.

Flash forward, 1187. There had been another truce and another breaking
of it (guess whom by?) Yup! Reynald raided a caravan traveling along
the neutral area. Saladin complained to the king but no one really
listened or said they were sorry. Saladinšs recon party found some
Templars and Hospitallers out near Galilee and killed a grunch of them
including the Master of the Hospitallers and the Marshal of the
Templars. The aggrieved Christians decided it was war.

The Christians mounted up a force of about 20,000 men including 1500
knights, a bit of the True Cross, and a nifty treasure in a treasure
box sent to Jerusalem as an "Išm sorry" gift by Hank II of England.
This was because Hankšs men had killed Tom Beckett, Archbishop of
Canterbury, a couple of years before. The Latins decided to open the
treasure (under the care of the Templars) and spend it on hiring some
mercenary muscle. Saladin must have had a couple of thousand more
guys even so and a whole lot more smarts.

On June 30, 1187, Saladin sent half of his troops to besiege the
citadel at Tiberius, home of Raymond of Tripoli (nice guy and former
protector of the king of Jerusalem). Raymond was with the army at the
time but his wife, Countess Eschiva was holding the fort. The other
half of his troops Saladin led into Galilee to a point about 6 miles
west of the Sea of Galilee. He camped where there was water.
Important point.

Even though Mrs. Raymond, the Countess, was being harassed by Moslems,
Ray told the army not to go. He knew it was nasty ground between where
they were and Tiberius. They would have to march through Galilee in the
summer and the heat with no chance of water for a long, long while.
Reynald, we do remember him, and the new Master of the Temple, Gerard
of Ridfort, called Ray a sissy, a wuss, and a Saracen sympathizer.
King Guy of Jerusalem decided to go. Ray went with him, dragging his
heels. This was July 3rd.

It was only 15 miles from where they started to the Sea of Galilee as
the crow flies. Unfortunately for King Guy and his troops, no one knew
how to fly crows. Up and down the hot and very dusty hills and rift
valley. They were in chain mail in July. It was hotter than Texas and
drier than Baylor. Rayšs prediction about no water was right. Top that
all off, Saladin sent some young Turkish lads who were good with bows
just to make the folk feel welcome. Shoot a few at the end of the
column and then ride away.

The Templars were tired. They persuaded King Guy to make camp just
beside a hill, The Horns of Hattin, named because of the small twin
peaks which kind of look like horns. Too bad David Lynch did not know
about this or his TV show might have been called something else. Ray
was still doing his Eeyore routine. He is quoted as saying "Alas, Lord
God, the battle is over. We have been betrayed unto death. The Kingdom
is finished." Now this was on July 3rd. Ray was right, of course.

Saladin decided to make things a little more unpleasant for his foes,
he had his boys at dawn of July 4th set some fires on the dry grass of
the hillside. No one had any antihistamines nor any water to take them
with. Wave after wave of those Turks with bows rode forward, shot, and
rode back. The French infantry broke ranks and climbed the hill,
leaving the rest to their fate. The bishop of Acre was killed and the True
Cross was captured. During part of the chaos, Ray and some of his guys
road their horses over their own troops, over the Turks, and over the
True Cross to get out.

King Guy and his nobles, tired and thirsty and beaten on, were steadily
pushed up the hill to surround the kingšs red tent. Then there was
charge and counter charge: the French and Turks back and forth.
Finally, Saladin and his son watched the red tent fall. It was over.

The king and some of his nobles surrendered and survived. Saladin made
good his promise and personally executed Reynald of Chatillon. Huzzah!
About time, says I. All the Templars and Hospitaller knights were
beheaded. The kingdom was lost. Its entire field army was gone, so was
The True Cross. Saladinšs army took the remainder of the Latin boys
off to the slave markets in Damascus. The price of a Christian slave
dropped so low that one of them was sold for a shoe. By August almost
the entire Holy Land was Moslem. Tiberias did fall but Saladin was nice
to Countess Eschiva and let her leave. Thought you might be relieved
to hear that.

What have we learned? Sticks and stones may break my bones but arrows
sure annoy me? Folks may call you chicken but it really should not make
you do stupid things? Even holy relics will not protect one from rank
stupidity? I would quote something that Kim Stanley Robinson said,
"All of politics is about water."

Well, fools are blowing up the strawberry fields behind me in memory of
Saladin, Mel Gibson, or maybe Reynald. Take care of each other. I am
going to take a shower. As always, if you want to forward these things,
keep my email and name intact. Who knows, a nice Countess might want
to hold my fort. *S*

Love your enemies and drive them nuts,
Ells

Subject: Musing on July 7 -- How Does Your Bloody Garden Grow?
Date: Fri, 7 Jul 2000 15:35:38 -0700 (PDT)
From: Ellsworth Weaver <astroweaver@yahoo.com>
To: 2thpix@surfari.net

Dear Folk,

On this date July 7, 1553 Mary Tudor spent the day hiding in Sawston
Hall. She was hiding from the Duke of Northumberland. What was she
doing?

You may recall from yesterday that Mary was the daughter of Hank VIII
and Catherine of Aragon. (One of my readers complained that I was using
too many nicknames. See, I am cutting back.) She was his first child.
If he had loved her just a little more, she might not have earned the
sobriquet (more Laurel-sounding than "nickname") of "Bloody Mary." She
had Cardinal Wolsey as a godfather which sort of led her to becoming a
strong and (dare I say fanatic? No) fervent Catholic.

Guess how Mary felt when Hank dumped her mom? Well, how would you feel?
On top of all of that daddy dearest was now head of his own church.
Mary was rather outspoken which did not help to increase how dad felt
about her. Hank did not take feedback very well. He even separated Mary
from her mom.

Maryšs new stepmom was that enchanting (in perhaps more ways than one)
Anne Boleyn. Talk about your fairytale wicked stepmother! Anne did not
like Mary one bit. The felines were mutual. Anne occasionally let it
slip that maybe Mary and her mom were going to be shortened by Hankšs
axeman. Then she would say, "Whoopsy! Did I say that out loud?" and
giggle embarassedly. Nothing like playing "flip-a-kitty" to raise a
normal, healthy daughter. Yes sir, it was nothing like that at all.

Ex-queen Kate passed on from natural causes. Hey, I wasnšt there. Anne
got a taste of her own medicine when Hank told her she needed a close
haircut. See what happens being so nasty to folks? This was in 1536.
Mary got another new stepmom, Jane Seymour. Mary was only 20 and
already had three moms. Jane, may she rest in peace, gave Hank what he
wanted a boy but died giving birth to him in 1542. That was a
shame, too, because Jane really seemed to like Mary.

When Hank finally died in 1547, young Eddie took the throne. Six years
later, he died. Wow! It was not healthy being a Tudor, by marriage or
by birth. Incidentally, no one told Mary about Eddiešs death on July 6,
1553 for a couple days. Any guesses why?

We get back to Duke of Northumberland. He was Lord President of the
Council, bunch of guys advising the young Eddie about how to rule.
Remember, Eddie was 5 when he took the throne and only 11 when he died.
Other folks were ruling here. Northumberland fixed things with the
ailing young king to disinherit both Mary and Lizzie (Annešs kid) in
favor of this wonderful gal named Lady Jane Grey. Jane, strangely
enough, was Northumberlandšs own daughter-in-law. Jane was about 16 at
the time, and a Protestant. She ruled for only 9 days as Queen.

Mary ducked Northumberland who was searching for her. I think he wanted
to console her or otherwise ease her pain on the loss of Eddie. Sure.
Mary got herself to London and was declared Queen. Northumberland
decided that discretion being the better part of staying alive, went
and kissed her hand. Smart move.

Although her advisors told her to whack both Northumberland and Jane,
she nixed it. She did give the Catholic bishops back their Sees. When
Mary did the crowning bit in Westminster, it was a September ceremony
to die for, she let it be known that the throne was kind of cold and
lonely. She got engaged to Phillip II of Spain. Her mom was Spanish,
the Spaniards were getting very rich off in the New World. What was the
problem?

A smallish revolution was whipped up by Sir Thomas Wyatt and company in
1554. They did not really like the restoration of Catholicism and
worse, having a Spaniard sitting on the English throne. Maryšs forces
easily crushed the rebellion and had everybody with it executed, that
also meant Lady Jane Grey. Canšt say she did not warn her.

Strangely enough, that did not shut up the folk. Doggone it, those
peasants and nobles just did not quit. Mary put into effect things
known as Heresy Laws. Essentially, you speak against Mary and the
Church, you die. You know, we take a lot of freedoms for granted. Those
of you who wish to live in the Middle Ages, think on that for a second:
Heresy Laws. How long would any of us live? (end of sermon) In four
years, 277 folks in England learned to be very quiet. They were burned
to death in the name of peace. Mary thought she was doing the right
thing.

Mary did not have skittles and beer at her home either. Although she
was in love with hubby Phil, when he found out that she could not give
him a boy child, he left her. He hated the English and Bennie Hill, I
think. Mary was sick a lot with dropsy (an accumulation of lymph in the
tissues). Phil never missed a chance to dis her in public about that or
anything else. The last of Mary's life was just depressing for her as
the first. She died at St. James's Palace in London in 1558, at the age
of 42. I think she was relieved.

Anything to learn here? Be careful of those wishing to console you?
Grasshopper is always wrong in argument with chicken? Be careful what
you wish on others because it may come to you? No matter how many folk
you burn, you still may not be happy? Not many foreigners appreciate
English cooking or comedy? How about a family that slays together...
no, never mind.

Thanks for those well wishes. You folks are just wonderful. Some of
you, at least. As always, if you want to forward this or any of the
musings, just keep my name and email intact.

And a big happy birthday to a certain, unnamed poet whom I dearly love
but will not embarrass.

I spell my name,
J. Ellsworth Weaver III

SCA Sir Balthazar of Endor
AS Polyphemus Theognis
TRV Sebastian Yeats
(some people call me Maurice)

Subject: Musing on July 9 -- Janey Short and Sweet
Date: Sun, 9 Jul 2000 10:23:42 -0700 (PDT)
From: Ellsworth Weaver <astroweaver@yahoo.com>
To: 2thpix@surfari.net

Dear Folks,

Today on July 9, 1553 a sixteen year old girl learned her childhood
sweetheart had died three days before and that by his will she was
queen. She promptly fainted. She was reputed to be the most intelligent
woman in her country second only to her half-sister. She was Lady Jane
Grey: the nine day queen.

Lady Jane was born in October, bet she was a Libra, 1537. Her mom,
Frances, was the daughter of Hank VIIIšs younger sister, Mary (no, not
Bloody Mary nor Mary Queen of Scots. Mary was a grand old name.) Jane
had two sisters, Katherine and Mary (see, another Mary) who was BTW a
dwarf. Janey was quite a catch, too. I mean she was petite (made Vanna
White look like Arnold) with long dark auburn hair, very innocent,
strongly Protestant, and pretty darned rich after a bit. Most of the
contemporary portraits I have seen of her may have been of Catherine
Parr. They all show a heart-shaped face with a strong chin and large
eyes.

Janey was not very loved by her parents and spent most of her early
life studying, and playing with her sisters. That all changed when she
was ten. In 1547 she moved to the household of Catherine Parr (the last
wife and widow to Henry VIII). Hank was ailing big time. He was
grotesquely overweight, crazy, consumptive, and mean. Kate Parr was
Hankšs only widow. None of his other wives survived him. Pretty
indicative of that old Tudor charm. Things had been looking up for
Janey. She was at court and really liked young king Eddie VI. They even
had the exact same birthday. Maybe there was romance. Eddie was
betrothed to Mary Queen of Scots but Scotland was acting up so that
marriage was not going to be. Did Eddie think Janey was a bundle? You
bet! But Fate had other things in store. Eddie had consumption,
tuberculosis, the same disease that took off his dear daddy.

Eddie was only nine when he took the throne and so was ruled by others
more than he ruled. The most obnoxious of the "advisors" was a guy
named John Dudley the Earl of Warwick. This Dudley-Do-Wrong weaseled
his way into getting himself named Duke of Northumberland. He ran the
country even though he had no official title to do so and was acquiring
real estate like Ted Turner. Lots of the land he was taking was from
the Catholic Church. Remember that they were no longer the Church of
State. When Eddie was diagnosed with that inevitably fatal disease (in
those days) Northumberland got Eddie to see things his way. He
convinced Eddie that his Sis Mary, a Catholic from a dissolved
marriage, and Sis Elizabeth (Lizzie I), from an adulterous witch, were
both illegitimate.

Dudley had his candidate in the wings, Janey. Janeyšs mom, Frances, had
just become rich since she inherited becoming the Duchess of Suffolk as
the "sweating sickness" (probably influenza) had taken off all the
other heirs. Dudley and Janeyšs parents "persuaded" (read: beaten)
Janey to marry Guilford Dudley the name says it all, doesnšt it? --
on May 21st of 1553. June 21st Eddie named her his next in line. What
an unexpected wedding gift for a childhood sweetheart. Janey did not
know anything about this. I think she would have been horrified. We do
know that less than a month later, July 9th she was astounded to the
extent of fainting.

Janey was supposed to be queen. Guess that Dudley thought then his son
would be king. Funny how that works out. When Janey was persuaded to
put on the Crown, she made it clear that Guilford was not king. So
there! Well, nine days laterJaney yielded up the Crown to Mary. Mary
felt she had to put Janey in the Tower. It did seem like Mary intended
to set Jane free. Mary realized that Jane was a pawn, however her
execution was necessary because as long as she was alive she would be
threat to Mary. She could be used as a pawn by those wishing to see
Protestantism regain power. Janey had admitted she was wrong in
accepting the Crown, but denied that she was innocent of any
wrongdoing. John Dudley, Northumberland, was found guilty of treason on
August 20, and executed on August 22. Lady Jane and her husband were
tried and convicted of high treason on November 14, "to be burnt alive
or beheaded, as the queen shall please" and beheaded on February 12,
1554; Janeyšs abusive dad was beheaded on February 23.

Mom Frances was very good friends with Mary I and avoided the headsman.
She quickly married a man half her age and settled down out of the
political arena. Elizabeth, after she succeeded Bloody Mary, kept
Sister Katherine Grey at court just for security purposes. Kate Grey
was married to Edward Seymour, Earl of Hertford, in a secret ceremony
and soon had a child. They were ordered separated in the Tower, yet she
became pregnant once more and had two sons in total. She died when she
was 27. Her husband lived to be 83.

Janey, you were wonderful and I mourn your death.

What have we learned from this unfortunate story? Kids should not be
allowed to rule? Real estate agents are wont to hang out with kings
(sorry, Ms. Bening)? Some people just lose their heads trying to get
ahead? I think I like kings may say but biology rules the day. I just
made that up. *G*

Well, go out and make someone a king yourself. Careful what you create
out there. Remember Dr. Frankenstein.

Forward these to whomever but keep my name and email address intact.

Love and laughter,
Ells

Subject: Musing on July 10 -- Silent like an Orange
Date: Sun, 9 Jul 2000 14:07:29 -0700 (PDT)
From: Ellsworth Weaver <astroweaver@yahoo.com>
To: 2thpix@surfari.net

Dear Folk,

On July 10, 1584, William of Orange who was known as "The Silent" was
killed by a fanatic. Why was this Orange sliced? Why was he known as
"The Silent?"

Billy was a German count who had come by a French principality, Orange,
and some land in the Netherlands as an inheritance. He was pretty good
friends with Emperor Chuck V. Chuckšs son was the infamous Spanish guy
Phil II. Remember he had married Bloody Mary I, jilted her, and then
later put together a fleet of ships -- called them his Armada -- to
take England away from Lizzie I? True, same guy. Phil later married one
of the daughter of Kate de Medici and Hank II of France. Isnšt it
interesting how this all links together?

Anyway, the Netherlands belonged to Spain at the time. The Spaniards
believed that anyway. The Netherlands was a hotbed of Protestantism
(although some of the Protestant beds were cold) and Phil II had
instituted what he thought were needed reforms. Most of them revolved
around whacking Protestants. The Dutch did some armed revolving
themselves. Billy Orange was sent to France to arrange a treaty of
truce. The king of France thought Billy was pro-Catholic and in the
pocket of Chuck and his son so he kind of spilled the beans about how
he knew Phil was going to essentially wipe out all those Protestants.
Billy was like a tar baby: he didnšt say nothing he just sat there and
listened; thus, his nickname "The Silent." Billy supported freedom of
religion and notified the rest of the boys what was up. Forewarned and
all of that.

Phil II sent in the Duke of Alba and things got really low in the Low
Countries. Billyšs eldest son, Philip William, got abducted and hauled
away to Spain. Alba played dragoon and killed most everyone who even
looked non-Catholic. He beheaded the Counts of Egmont and Homes. This
eventually pošd the Dutch such that they fought back. We now call it
the Eighty Years War. Billy (who would be played by Mel Gibson if this
were a movie) and his brothers sold their plates and jewels to raise
money to kick out the Spanish. It was tough guerrilla fighting. Billy
lost most of his early battles and two of his brothers got themselves
killed.

Billy parked his wife, Anna, safely in Germany with his folks during
the fighting. Anna got bored at her in-lawsš place and became a
general nuisance. Billyšs folks got tired of her and her public
nastiness. She moved to Cologne, the big city, and lead a wild life.
When she got drunk, she beat and berated her staff. She threw
outrageous parties. Ripped right through any money they had left.

Anna had a rather public affair with Johannes Rubens. Eventually she
moved in with him. In 1571 Rubens was arrested. Anna said they had done
nothing wrong even though she was very obviously pregnant. Note: Billy
had not been home with her in a long time. This was 400 years before
soap operas, remember. Anna broke down, told Billy to just go ahead and
kill her and her Johnny. Hey, it was within the law of the time. Billy
said no and told Rubens to scram. Anna gave birth to Peter Paul Rubens,
the rather famous painter. She also gave birth to Rubenšs daughter
Christina. Billy had enough and had the marriage annulled. You know it
was just as well. Anna had really gone around the bend. The staff kept
knives away from her, she was delusional, and raged horribly.

In 1573 Billy became an official Protestant. He remarried twice. And of
course, the Catholics never forgave him. In fact, one stabbed him to
death on this day 1584. Anna had left Billy and her country something
precious, Billyšs son Maurits of Orand-Nassua. Maurits lead the troops
which finally got rid of the Spanish from the Low Country in 1600.
Their sovereignty was finally recognized 48 years later in the Treaty
of Westphalia.

Christina was taken care of by Billyšs family. They even found her a
nice German count to marry.

What have we to learn from this? Softly, softly, catchee monkey? Donšt
try to force your religion on anyone? Better to remain silent and be
thought a fool, than open your mouth and be proven one? How about, no
matter how good you are in battle, you got to take care of business at
home? Like Elvisš ring used to say: TCB.

Remember, you cannot measure beliefs, only actions, folks. As always if
you forward this or any of my humble missives, make sure you keep my
name and sig. intact.

Your chronicler,
Ellsworth Weaver

SCA -- Sir Balthazar of Endor
AS -- Polyphemus Theognis
TRV -- Sebastian Yeats

Subject: Musing on July 11 -- I got spurs that jingle-jangle-jingle!
Date: Mon, 10 Jul 2000 20:10:43 -0700 (PDT)
From: Ellsworth Weaver <astroweaver@yahoo.com>
To: 2thpix@surfari.net

Dear Folk,

On July 11, 1302, an elite cavalry force approached an untrained
militia mostly made up of guildsmen, weavers. The results of that day
spelled eventual victory for the weavers but death for Scots and
Templars and loss for the Jews. This is the date of The Battle of the
Golden Spurs.

The French king. Philip "the Fair" (meaning "good looking" not about
his willingness to share) had long coveted the wealth of Flanders. The
place was mostly owned and run by guilds, independent of any throne or
crown. The most influential of these were the weaversš guilds. They
made the fine linen cloth and lace.

Philip had been fighting with the English, led by Eddie I
("Longshanks"). Phil had even kidnapped, assassinated and bought a
Catholic pope or two. All of this warring and work on Church
beautification had sapped the treasury of the French. No money, no war.
Simple as that. So, where could a good-looking, studly kind of king get
some spending cash? Look to the merchants! You ask them first and if
they refuse to pay the insurance "shame if some clumsy knight were to
wander into your shop and set fire to your loom, Monsieur Devreese"
then you have to go send out some collectors. These knightly guys were
led by the French commander, the Duc dšArtois. Along with them came
Pierre Flotte and Raoul de Nesles. More about these three in a sec.

On June 11th, the elite of the French chivalry, mounted of course, came
riding toward the city Kortrijk (Courtrai in French) in Flanders. The
weavers and friends were standing their ground (the only dry spot
around) on Groeninge field. The surrounding area was muddy and mucky.
The French cavalry charged but got bogged down. The weavers with their
bill hooks and bowmen calmly opened them up like crawfish at a
Draconian (that's in Louisiana, ya'll) feast. Same results. Raoul saw
that the battle was lost but plunged into it as a sort of suicide rush.
He had decided better a dead hero than having to live with defeat. Duc
dšArtois was stabbed by a lay brother from the Ter Doest abbey in
western Flanders Guillaume Vansaeftingen. Great name, right? Several
folks afterwards wanted his name tattooed on their chests; none
survived the ordeal. Pierre Flotte, French lawyer and teacher, also
died in the fray.

Pierre Flotte is not as remembered as his star pupil, Guillaume de
Nogaret, who upon his mentoršs death became king Phil the Good
Lookingšs chief advisor and favorite badman. Any RL Templars out there?
Okay, I know my Masonic friends are. Reason I asked was that Nogaret
was the one who led the arrest of the Templars that Friday Oct 13,
1307.

Why is it called the Battle of the Golden Spurs? Those danged weavers
cut off the spurs of the French knights and tacked the rowels up in in
Onze-Lieve-Vrouw church in Kortrijk. Kind of pretty decoration.
Unfortunately, French troops came back in 1382 during the Battle of
Westrozebeke and took the spurs away. How rude! The spurs which are in
the church today are fake ones but donšt tell anyone and everyone will
still dig it.

With no army, Phil had to knock off feuding with Eddie I. That suddenly
meant that Eddie could devote all his efforts to whomping on the Scots.
In fact William Wallace (remember "Braveheart"?) was forced out of
Philšs court and back to Scotland. Wallace was betrayed to Longshanks
within three years.

With no money, Phil had to figure another place or places to squeeze.
He had two ready sources at home: the Jews and the Templars. Phil
"nationalized" (stole) all Jewish property and kicked them out of the
country. Eddie over across the channel had done a similar thing. Phil
was in hock up to his good looking eyebrows to the Templars. Hmmm.
Maybe he could arrest them and steal all the Templar treasure. You tell
me if you think he found it all. Some of the Templars made it over to
Scotland to fight against Eddie. Seemed only right. St. Clair
(Sinclair) is a name you might want to look up yourselves in that
aspect.

What have we learned? A strong army with get you through times with no
money better than money will get you through times without an army? I
donšt think so. Cavalry is just not the answer in every situation?
Donšt go to other peoplešs back yard and act tough? Didnšt we have that
somewhere before? It is dangerous to loan money to a king? I think the
best thought is "Donšt mess with the Weavers!" *G*

Wobbling but not falling down,
J. Ellsworth Weaver (tee-hee)

SCA Sir Balthazar of Endor
AS Polyphemus Theognis
TRV Sebastian Yeats

As always if you forward these, leave my name and sig attached. You saw
what happened to Duc dšArtois and his Frenchy boys. Grrrrr!

Subject: Musing on July 12: Wonderin' Where the Lions are
Date: Tue, 11 Jul 2000 21:54:38 -0700 (PDT)
From: Ellsworth Weaver <astroweaver@yahoo.com>
To: 2thpix@surfari.net

Dear Folk,

On this day July 12, 1174 a cowardly lion was captured, a lion-hearted
father was spanked, and a flying lion was lost.

William the Lion became king of Scotland when his brother Malcolm IV,
known as "Malcolm the Maiden," died at the tender age of 24. Okay the
name was for real, Malcolm was a pious and effeminate youth, grandson
of the mighty King David I of Scotland. Malcolm was the cousin of
England's ruler, Henry II, father of Richard the Lionheart. Small
matter that Hank II had promised during his knighting ceremony at
the hands of King David, for heavens sake to never, ever mess with
Scotland. Hank with his shark-like appetite wanted all that land above
his kingdom. So Hank talked, bullied, cajoled, whatever, poor Malcolm
the Maiden out of all Scottish possessions in England and even the
Scottish principalities of Cumbria and Northumberland. Needless to say,
Malcolm was not well-liked at home after that.

William was known as William "the Lion," not because he was some brave
hearted fellow (no Mel Gibson he), but because he had the distinction
of putting a lion rampant on the national standard of Scotland as a
substitute for the dragon which had formerly been there. William sort
of wanted to do the right thing: he resolved to get back the lands that
Hank II had swindled brother Malcolm out of. He decided to invade
England across the border and just do a little sacking, burning,
raping, pillaging, and slaughtering. Test the waters, so to speak.

Williešs army was just outside of Alnwick. There are two stories as to
where Hank was at the time. The best histories show that he was off
fighting in France; the most poetic one says he was doing penance,
including being lashed by some monks at Canterbury, for having Thomas a
Becket whacked. You decide. The English barons heard about the border
raids and met together in York (NE Britain). The barons knew they had
to do something right smartly before the Scots got to liking raiding
and killing Englishmen. That sort of thing gets out of hand quickly.
There were only 400 knights and barons at York but they decided it
might be enough. They rode all night long to Alnwick. They got there
just at daybreak. It was a misty, moisty morning that 12th of July and
the English were afraid they might ride right into the middle of the
Scottish camp by mistake. That would be embarrassing. They halted.

The mist suddenly cleared. There on a meadow before them the English
army saw a small party of horsemen tilting just kind of horsing
around. The English wasted no time in riding down and taking a
prisoner. He looked a little cleaner than the others and he sure did
try to resist. After the barons got this struggling knight back onto
English soil, imagine their surprise when they found out they had
snagged Willie the Lion, King of Scotland. Oh, there must have been
medieval high-fiving and shouting and all sorts of cavorting when they
opened that dudešs lid and looked in. "Got ourselves a king there,
Dudley!"

Hank was overjoyed. He had some slick lawyers draw up papers
essentially saying that to get the king back, Scotland had to be deeded
over to Hank. Almost to Hankšs surprise, Willie signed the papers. To
seal the deal, Willie gave up castles of Edinburgh, Sterling, Berwick,
Roxburgh, and Jedburgh. All of those fortresses were then staffed by
Hankšs English troops. Willie got to go home but it wasnšt to a free
and independent land anymore.

There is an old Scottish saying "Tis sweet to die for onešs country."
Willie the Lion just never believed it. He traded his country for his
life. The Lion Rampant which flew so proudly for a short while was
surrendered to a king who let some monks whip him.

Any lessons here? Donšt let your maidens go wrestle with sharks? It is
one thing to claim to be a lion, it is quite another to act like one?
Dungeon stones with English cooking and beer can be strong persuaders?
How about: no matter who you are, horse-play leads to tragedy?

Išll tell you how Scotland got its land back sometime soon. As always,
forward these musing to whomever you think will like them and laugh.
Leave my name and sig on them lest you be made to eat English cooking.

You canšt hide those lion eyes,
J. Ellsworth Weaver

SCA Sir Balthazar of Endor
AS Polyphemus Theognis
TRV Sebastian Yeats

Subject: Musing on July 13 -- Open Channel Dee
Date: Wed, 12 Jul 2000 10:42:52 -0700 (PDT)
From: Ellsworth Weaver <astroweaver@yahoo.com>
To: 2thpix@surfari.net

Dear Folk,

Happiest of Solar Returns (birthday anniversaries, sort of) to a
mathematician, an alchemist and an astrologer to queens, . Was he a
scoundrel or a dupe? A fool or wiser than any of us? You decide for Dr.
John Dee was born on this date, July 13, 1527.

Dee was a whiz kid. At fifteen he entered Cambridge U and was made an
Underreader (staff at low pay) before he graduated. After Cambridge, he
decided to get some more education (wise move) and went over to the
Continent (1547 - 1550). He wowed them in Paris with lectures on the
recently dug up works of Euclid. Wasnšt that a golden age: Euclid
getting a packed houses? When he got back home, he was recommended to
Queen Mary Tudor. She hired him as her astrologer (see: Nancy Reagan
wasnšt the first, after all) but that gig turned sour when he was
accused of being a magician. I guess it was that rabbit that kept
popping out of his hat.

While in the slammer, he met Elizabeth Tudor (the future Lizzie I).
Lizzie was being held in protective custody by her half-sis, Bloody
Mary. Dee and Lizzie were both in rather scary straits, smart folk,
young, well educated nerds in trouble. My confidential sources do not
tell me how close they became but it was a lifelong friendship that
they struck up. Later on when Lizzie was queen, she gave John money
and protected him from charges of witchcraft. Pretty important meeting
they had, I would say.

Dee not only did Lizziešs astrological advice (he even picked out the
date for her coronation) but also gave advice on navigation to English
pilots who were exploring the New World. He taught Lizzie how to
interpret mystic writings. Said she was a very avid pupil. Dee had an
enormous library (over 4000 books) of very rare tomes which he rescued
from the Protestants set on burning them all. Many of these books had
been in the Roman Catholic Church monasteries of the which had been
dissolved in England during the Reformation.

In 1564, Dee published his most important book, the Monas
Hieroglyphica, (One Hieroglyph). He said that there was a primal symbol
which incorporated the blue print of all of reality. Drop this symbol
upon the lake of possibilities and all matter and energy would organize
into a Universe very much like this one (with a few less Starbucks and
Blockbuster Videos, though). What this symbol looked like, I am not
quite sure. It was not the thing used by the Artist formerly known as
Prince. If any of you have a good copy of it, scan it in and send it to
me. *G* Just wonder if it would cause the Internet to crystallize out.
Al Gore would just have to reinvent it then.

In 1581 Deešs life took another strange turn. He was praying and was
visited by the angel Uriel (played by Christopher Walken.) Uriel told
him there was a mission for Dee. Uriel dropped off an egg-shaped
crystal, Dee later called it his "shew-stone," which Dee was to use to
talk with the dead and with angels. It was a sort of psychic cellular
phone. BTW, can anyone tell me why I have this unreasonable wish to
grab cell phones away from people and smash them to little plastic
bits? I am just afraid I shall succumb to temptation some day. Maybe I
need to see Dr. Dee about this. But I digress.

Just like so much of technology, the shew-stone was a bit touchy, not
fully beta-tested. Dee found that he had little or no luck in using it.
As William Burroughs might say, "He was an unworthy vessel." He had to
hire others to look into it and tell him what they saw. Dee wrote it
all down.

The most enterprising of these seers was Edward Kelley. Kelley had been
a lawyer and a ventriloquist. Oh, he actually had had his ears cropped
(ouch!) for being a counterfeiter before he met Dee. That Kelley had
also been accused of necromancy using dead bodies for magickal
divination did not deter lovable old Dr. Dee from hiring the
morally-impaired. From Kelley, Dee learned that through the crystal
angelic beings were attempting to teach Dee the Enochian language which
was spoken by angels and Adam and Eve when they lived in the Garden of
Eden. It appears that Dee and Kelley were trying to contact the ancient
ones, the Watchers, known in the Bible as the Nephelim.

Small aside about Enochian. Some of my sources think either Dee or
Kelley were improvising this as they went along. Some think Dee had an
ancient copy of the Book of Enoch in Ethiopian which he could not
translate and so just made up some stuff sounding like it. One source
speculates that it really was a code that Dee used as a spy on the
Continent for Queen Lizzie. That is a cool thought: former cell block
mates, now Royal Astrologer and Queen, sending encrypted spy messages
back and forth. I rather like that.

Dee and Kelley had to leave England because the preachers really were
down on anything which smacked of magick. These guys were as bad as the
Harry Potter books, at least. A mob destroyed much of Deešs books. Dee
and Kelley toured Poland and Bohemia from 1583-1589, giving magic shows
and mystifying princes. Wow! I wish I had a tee shirt from that road
tour. In 1595, Kelley got busted in Prague by the Emperor Rudolf II for
wizardry and sorcery. He tried to escape but fell to his death. Dee
returned home to a quiet life protected by Queen Lizzie. He was
appointed a warden of Christšs College in Manchester and even got a
small stipend from the Queen.

In the last dies of his life he was reduced to telling fortunes and had
to sell his books one by one to have something to eat. He died in 1608
in Mortlake, England. His work is still regarded highly by modern
alchemists, and may have been very influential upon the mind of Adam
Weishaupt, father of the Bavarian Illuminati. But that, as they say, is
another story.

What have we learned from Dr. Dee (and Mr. Kelley)? Friends help
friends move, but real friends help friends move bodies? Just because a
being is disincarnate does not make it wise or benevolent? Be careful
to whom you show magic tricks and always, always emphasize they are
*tricks*? Lawyers can be unreliable mouthpieces, especially for the
dead? I like the Girl Scout song "Make New Friends but Keep the Old."

As always, forward these to whomever might be amused but keep my name
and sig attached. You donšt want I should send Uriel over to hit you
with a shew-stone, believe me.

Doing something magickal every day,
J. Ellsworth Weaver

SCA Sir Balthazar of Endor
AS Polyphemus Theognis
TRV Sebastian Yeats

Subject: Musing on July 14 -- Just a hypothetical question
Date: Fri, 14 Jul 2000 21:38:45 -0700 (PDT)
From: Ellsworth Weaver <astroweaver@yahoo.com>
To: 2thpix@surfari.net

Dear Folk,

What if you and I wanted to take over a country and make it our own
playground? Say the country was ruled by a line of kings (but had very
few poor serfs or slaves), had lots of money (most of it in the hands of
businessmen and women), well-fed, religious, and by-in-large happy. How
could we get rid of the nobility, church, and middle class? In the
meantime, can we make ourselves rich and in the driver's seat? Let's
pretend.

First thing is we need to find someone else to apparently lead this
take over. Unsuccessful coups get conspirators whacked. It would also
help if that person "leading" had some money. Causes cost gold. That
done, we need some dire grievances, thing that the king and company
have done to "wrong" the people. Keep it below 9 so folks can remember
them. If we can artificially introduce some nice food shortages, that
will surely hack off folks.

We might want to recruit some members who are not quite the upper-upper
crust but would like to be. Tell them how we know they are the ones who
should be running things: barons, marquis, knights. We will
indoctrinate them through a secret club; tell them it is death to
anyone who talks. Convince them that they shall be the new kings soon.
We can tell them that religion is what has been holding them back.
Substitute "reason" for religion. Make each feel like they are secret
MENSA members. We are going to be doing some serious bloodletting so we
had best preach that whatever we do is okay as long as it winds up
doing it for the right cause. Teach extremism in pursuit of "liberty"
(or libertinism) is no vice. Speaking of vice, teach that the only vice
is not doing exactly what you want right then. Get more money from
them. Remember, once we accomplish what we want, these dupes get
whacked. On the top there is only room for thee and me. Oh and,
Darling, you are looking a tad pale.

You know, once we convince folks that the king and church have been
holding them back, we might teach that national borders are part of the
same conspiracy to keep man in chains. We could get really lucky and
franchise this out to other places. Alexander the Great was so crude in
his strong arm tactics. Don't you think.? We can let others do all of
this for us.

We need something symbolic, an action, to get the ball rolling. How
about we "liberate" some political prisoners? It does not have to be
more than say seven but we can make a media event of it. Fact is, we
could just spring some counterfeiters and a couple demented dudes. No
prob. We would need something easy to attack, nothing with real
guards. Don't worry, we would not have our moneyed gentry doing that
attacking. We could hire some thugs from out of town, maybe from other
countries; get them from the rough trade in a sea port. If in the
process we can get weapons from this prison, all the better. When we
tell others of this, we can say it was "the people" who arose to throw
off the chains of oppression. I like that a lot! What is really funny,
after all this is over, they would probably make a national holiday out
of this action.

Well, that was a fun exercise. Nobody would be so immoral as to ever do
such a thing. No one would be dumb enough to fall for that. And lest I
forget: Happy Bastille Day!

Let us breath together,
Ellsworth Weaver

SCA - Sir Balthazar of Endor
AS - Polyphemus Theognis
TRV - Sebastian Yeats

Subject: Musing on July 15 -- St. Swithin's Day
Date: Sat, 15 Jul 2000 15:49:57 -0700 (PDT)
From: Ellsworth Weaver <astroweaver@yahoo.com>
To: 2thpix@surfari.net

Dear Folk,

I hope it is not too late to wish you happy St. Swithinšs Day. Did it
rain where you were? If it did, you can expect rain for the next forty
days. Wow! I think we are pretty safe from that in central California
but who knows? This is also the day that a medieval pope said that
Jews were forever damned to servitude and hell for crucifying Jesus.
Since he died on July 16th (not on the same year,) I think we can wait
for Innocent III.

Swithin was a smart Saxon, cause he knew all the Angles. *Ba-dum-dum!*
Sorry, I have been wanting to use that for awhile. It is out of my
system now, promise. He was born in Wessex, England sometime around 800
CE. He was educated in the monastery of Winchester where he was
ordained a priest. Swithin was in pretty tight with the royal family.
He became chaplain and advisor to King Egbert of the West Saxons
(Wessex, remember?) and was put in charge of tutoring Egbertšs son,
Ethelwulf. When Egbert went to the royal court in the sky to meet the
board of directors, Ethelwulf became king. King Ethelwulf (would that
name get by any heraldšs office today?) named Swithin to be the bishop
of Winchester (Oct 30, 852 CE.)

We donšt know much about Swithin. He was said to be an okay guy, built
some churches, did some missionary work, knew the Scriptures. When the
West Saxonšs decided they did not like Ethelwulf, Swithin stood by him
(856 CE). On his deathbed Swithin begged that he should be buried
outside the north wall of his cathedral where passers-by should pass
over his grave and raindrops from the eaves drop upon it. Isn't that
sweet? Really. At least his grave would be low maintenance.

More than a century later (931) his body was moved with great pomp to a
shrine within the new church erected by Bishop Ethelwulf (note the name
and connection?). A number of miraculous cures took place (nobody today
is sure exactly who or what got cured) and Swithin was canonized by
popular acclamation. In 1093 his remains were again trucked over to the
new church built by Bishop Walkelin. The shrine was destroyed and the
relics scattered in 1538. Guess he is at peace now.

The bit about the forty days of rain is curious. Some folks say it is
because it is almost impossible to get rain there in the middle of
July. Others say that it did rain for forty days when they were first
moving his bones back in 931. Here is the rhyme:

St. Swithin's day if thou dost rain
For forty days it will remain
St. Swithin's day if thou be fair
For forty days 'twill rain nae mair.

Well, that is proof enough for me! Makes him sort of a saintly
groundhog. He is the Patron Saint of Winchester Cathedral. There is
even an orchid named for him.

What have we learned from St. Swithin? Remember to go home from the
dance with the fellow who brought you? Some folks will always want to
mess with you, even after you are dead? Plan for your burial plot to
cost your loved ones less? How about if you are autocratting an outdoor
event (tournament, feast, wedding, picnic), St. Swithin might be a good
guy to include in your prayers? I know I will remember that. That and
"never take a herald on a picnic." (Old saying but a wise one.)

As always, if you decide to spread these pearls of wisdom or
foolishness, please keep my name and sig attached lest it rain for
forty days on your parade.

It canšt rain all the time,
J. Ellsworth Weaver

SCA Sir Balthazar of Endor
AS Polyphemus Theognis
TRV Sebastian Yeats

Subject: Musing on July 16th -- I'm Innocent, I Tell You!
Date: Sun, 16 Jul 2000 11:12:29 -0700 (PDT)
From: Ellsworth Weaver <astroweaver@yahoo.com>
To: 2thpix@surfari.net

Dear Folk,

On this day July 16, 1216 one of the greatest medieval popes went to
find out if what he had been preaching was righteous or just plain
mean. Lotario deš Conti, son of a count, nephew of a pope, was Innocent
III.

Lotario was born around the year 1160 in Anagni, Italy. Well, it was
not quite Italy in those days; there were many feuding and occupied
city-states. His dad, Trasimund, was count of Segni. Lotario was a
nerd: studied everything he could, hung out in Rome, Paris and Bologna.
He became a lawyer specializing in church law. His uncle, Pope Clement
III, made Lotario a cardinal. That meant he was able to elect popes and
was in line to become one. After Uncle Clement there came Celestine III
and then in Feb 22, 1198, Lotario was made pontiff himself. Pontiff
means bridge builder. Interesting.

Innocent III supported kicking the Germans out of Italy. The Holy Roman
Empire was none of the three at the time. The Germans and Swabs were
battling for control of it. Otto IV, when he finally won the crown,
continued the repression of the Church. Fredrick II (son of the late
emperor Henry VI), who defeated Otto IV, had been Innocentšs ward so
you would think that Freddie would be delighted in returning the favor
of guarding the Church. Freddie turned out to be a tad forgetful or
maybe Innocent wasnšt as innocent as his name. We will probably follow
up on his story in a different musing.

Innocent was pope during the reigns of Philip of France, Richard the
Lionheart and King John Lackland of England. When John needed to get
his country out of excommunication (a dire strait for a Roman Catholic
country) and a baronial rebellion, he made England a fief of the
Vatican. Pedro II of Aragon did likewise. Think on that: Innocent III
was sovereign lord not just over the Vatican, the whole of the Roman
Catholic Church, the kingdoms of Aragon, and England. Not too shabby!
He became the Judge Judy of his time and had many tough cases brought
before him. Innocent even declared the Magna Carta null and void
because it was extorted from his vassal by the threat of violence.

Remember when we mused on the Cathari and the Albigensian crusade? Yup,
it was Innocent who declared the need for it. He encouraged Dominic de
Guzman to kill all those heretical folk. He recognized Dominicšs
warrior friars as an order. To ensure everyone was on the same page of
the Daily Missal, so to speak, he made a rule at the Fourth Lateran
Council that all Catholics had to receive communion at least once a
year, preferably on Easter. To give him his due, Innocent also
recognized the spiritual craziness of Francis of Assisi as Divinely
inspired.

Innocent III also had that divine crusading spirit against the Moslems.
There was heathen to whack! He believed that the Church should be in
charge of crusades not worldly kings. He ruled a husband did not even
have to get his wifešs permission to go on crusade. He sent the call to
barons and knights, telling all the Christian kings to kiss and make up
for just a second so that their people might be released to follow the
popešs summons. Richard and Philip did declare a five year truce.
Unfortunately Richard took that crossbow bolt which "elected" Prince
John who promptly restarted the war.

The rest of the fourth crusade did not do much better. The Venetians,
who were supposed to be simply ferrying the troops, played politics
right heavily. Well, there was a significant lack of turn out for the
crusade. Money promised the Venetians just did not show. The crusaders
who were camped on the Lido, a small island outside of town, were
running up enormous bills. As a relief, the Venetians struck a bargain:
if the crusaders did a little contract job or two for them, the debt
could be postponed until real looting and pillaging down in the Holy
Land began. Seemed like a small request. The crusaders wound up
attacking the Catholic city of Zara (under the king of Hungary, himself
a dedicated crusader) and then sacking the Greek Orthodox city of
Constantinople. In both cases Pope Innocent told them not to do it, but
business is business. You know? Those battles await telling another
day, I fear. Innocent excommunicated the crusaders. Knowing that those
Moslems for the most part would remained unwhacked, King Aimery of
Jerusalem signed a six year peace treaty with Saladin.

It was while trying to