wed-trad-FAQ

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wed-trad-FAQ - 3/18/96

Medieval and Renaissance Theme Wedding FAQ: Questions about Ceremonies, Traditions, and Handfastings.

NOTE: See also the files: weddings-msg, p-weddings-bib, wed-FAQ, p-marriage-msg,

Ger-marriage-msg, Scot-marriage-msg, beadwork-msg, silk-msg.

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NOTICE -

This article was submitted to me by the author for inclusion in this set

of files, called Stefan’s Florilegium.

These files are available on the Internet at:

http://www.florilegium.org

While the author will likely give permission for this work to be

reprinted in SCA type publications, please check with the author first

or check for any permissions granted at the end of this file.

Thank you,

Mark S. Harris

AKA: Stefan li Rous

stefan at florilegium.org

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Medieval and Renaissance Theme Wedding FAQ: Questions about

Ceremonies, Traditions, and Handfastings

***************************************************************

by and is maintained and copyrighted by Barbara J. Kuehl. All

suggestions and additions should be emailed to her at

bj at csd.uwm.edu. This document may be freely redistributed

without modification provided that the copyright notice is not

removed. It may not be sold for profit or incorporated in

commercial documents without the written permission of the

holder.

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1.1: We would like to be married in a medieval-style wedding

and want to make it as real as possible, but we don't even

know where to start. What were weddings like during the

Middle Ages?

From: Susan Carroll-Clark <sclark at epas.utoronto.ca>

So long as the couple made the vows before a witness, the

marriage was valid--no priest had to be present (although this

is increasingly not the case after the 13th century).

-------------------------

From: Kirsti Thomas <kst at paul.spu.edu>

Weddings during the Middle Ages were considered family/community

affairs. The only thing needed to create a marriage was for

both partners to state their consent to take one another as

spouses. Witnesses were not always necessary, nor was the

presence of the clergy. In Italy, for example, the marriage was

divided into three parts. The first portion consisted of the

families of the groom and bride drawing up the papers. The

bride didn't have to even be there for that. The second, the

betrothal, was legally binding and may or may not have involved

consummation. At this celebration, the couple exchanged gifts

(a ring, a piece of fruit, etc.), clasped hands and exchanged a

kiss. The "vows" could be a simple as, "Will you marry me?" "I

will." The third part of the wedding, which could occur several

years after the betrothal, was the removal of the bride to the

groom's home. The role of the clergy at a medieval wedding was

simply to bless the couple. It wasn't official church policy

until the council of Trent in the 15th century that a third

party [c.f. a priest], as opposed to the couple themselves, was

responsible for performing the wedding. In the later medieval

period, the wedding ceremony moved from the house of the bride

to the church. It began with a procession to the church from

the bride's house. Vows were exchanged outside the church (BTW,

the priest gave the bride to the groom...I don't think she was

presented by her father) and then everyone moved inside for

Mass. After Mass, the procession went back to the bride's house

for a feast. Musicians accompanied the procession.

-------------------------

From: Susan Carroll-Clark <sclark at epas.utoronto.ca>

A word on historical English weddings. Traditionally, in front

of the church door, the groom would, in front of witnesses,

announce his bride's dower--that portion (usually 1/3) of his

holdings she would be allowed to use should he die before she

did (she could also inherit land and property, but this was a

different thing). They would then go in for the solemnization

of vows (very short) and the nuptial mass.

-------------------------

From kate at ind.tansu.com.au

I remember reading Chaucer [d.1400] in High School (the Wife of

Bath's Tale). Part of the text (and this is the Wife speaking)

says "husbands at church door I have had five". Due to the need

to ensure that everyone knew beyond a doubt that the couple were

married, weddings would take place outside the church (at the

door) rather than inside where only a few people could view it.

-------------------------

From: fishcat at hooked.net (Trystan L. Bass)

For much of Western history, marriage was an exchange of

property, i.e. the woman was being given by her father to her

husband. The union of property & money & lineage were what was

being celebrated --- not so much the union of two lovers. Hence,

"real" medieval & Renaissance wedding ceremonies were simple

legal unions, sanctioned by the Church, and done with as many

important people as possible to witness it. "Real" ceremonies

of the time were not terribly intricate in Western Europe & the

UK, so I think it would be much more interesting, charming, and

enjoyable to make up your own medieval-ish or Renaissance-esque

wedding ceremony.

================================================================

1.2: Weddings are filled with 'traditions' such as the tossing

of the bouquet, the garter toss, the bride wearing white

dress and veil, the lighting of the unity candle, the

exchange of wedding rings, etc. Just how far back do these

'traditions' really go? Do any of them stem from medieval

or renaissance times?

From: becky at sunfish.cc.usm.edu ()

I was looking through the August/September issue of Modern

Bride, and they had a little sidebar called Wedding Customs.

"Many of today's wedding customs have evolved from the days of

ancient Rome, when evil spirits were believed to lurk about and

pose threats to the bride and groom...Bridesmaids dressed

similarly to the bride, and ushers' attire resembled the

groom's. This was an attempt to confuse the spirits...If [they]

could not tell the bride and groom apart from the attendants,

they would not be able to carry out their plans. The wedding

ring: The early Eqyptians...believed that a circle was the

symbol of eternity--a sign that life, happiness, and love have

no beginning and no end. A wedding ring was placed on the third

finger of the left hand because it was believed that a vein ran

directly from that finger to the heart. The wedding cake:

Intended as a symbol of fertility...To ensure a life of plenty,

the Romans broke a thin layer of cake over the bride's head at

the end of the ceremony. Crumbs were then gathered by guests as

good luck tokens."

-------------------------

From Barbara Kuehl (bj at csd.uwm.edu)

This is from http://www.halcyon.com/mganson/traditions.html:

The expression "tie the knot" comes from Roman times when the

bride wore a girdle that was tied in knots which the groom had

the fun of untying. Diamond engagement rings were given by

medieval Italians, because of their belief that the diamond was

created from the flames of love. Ancient Spartan soldiers were

the first to hold stag parties. The groom would feast with his

male friends on the night before the wedding. There he would say

goodbye to the carefree days of bachelorhood and swear continued

allegiance to his comrades. Bridal showers were also meant to

strengthen the friendships between the bride and her friends,

give her moral support, and help her prepare for her marriage.

The idea to give gifts is fairly new, dating from the 1890's. At

one shower, the bride's friend placed small gifts inside a

japanese parasol, and then opened it over the bride's head so

all of the presents would "shower" over her. When word of this

hit the fashion pages, people were so charmed, they decided to

do the same at their showers. The bridal party has many

origins, one of which comes from the Anglo Saxon days. When the

groom was about to capture his bride, he needed the help of his

friends, the "bridesmen" or "brideknights". They would make sure

the bride got to the church and to the groom's house afterwards.

The bride also had women to help her, the "bridesmaids" or

"brideswomen". The white wedding dress was made popular by Anne

of Brittany in 1499. Before that, a woman just wore her best

dress. In biblical days, blue (not white) represented purity,

and the bride and groom would wear a blue band around the bottom

of their wedding attire, hence something blue. It is unknown

when wedding rings were first worn. They were probably made of a

strong metal, like iron so that it wouldn't break easily which

would have been a very bad omen. The ancient Romans believed

that the vein in the third finger ran directly to the heart, so

wearing the ring on that finger joined the couples hearts and

destiny. Weddings just wouldn't be complete without fertility

symbols, like the wedding cake. Ancient Romans would bake a cake

made of wheat or barley and break it over the bride's head as a

symbol of her fertility. It became tradition to pile up several

small cakes, one on top of the other, as high as they could, and

the bride and groom would kiss over the tower and try not to

knock it down. If they were successful, it meant a lifetime of

prosperity. During the reign of King Charles II of England, it

became customary to turn this cake into an enjoyably edible

palace, iced with white sugar. Tying shoes to the bumper of the

car represents the symbolism and power of shoes in ancient

times. Egyptians would exchange sandals when they exchanged

goods, so when the father of the bride gave his daughter to the

groom, he would also give the brides sandals to show that she

now belonged to the groom. In Anglo Saxon times, the groom would

tap the heel of the bride's shoe to show his authority over her.

In later times, people would throw shoes at the couple, and now

we just tie shoes to their car. (This information is from the

book "A Natural History of Love," by Diane Ackerman)

================================================================

1.3: Do the garter and bouquet tosses really date back to

medieval times?

From: jmh at anser.pdial.interpath.net (Jeanne Hinds)

THe garter toss is one of the oldest surviving wedding

traditions. Back in medieval times, it was customary for

friends, relatives, guests to accompany the bridal couple to the

marriage bed. As time went on, this became rowdier and rowdier

to the point that some guests were all too eager to help the

bride out of her wedding clothes. To forestall such

impropriety, the garters were quickly removed and thrown to the

mob as a distraction. As time went on, it has evolved into the

tradition we now know.

-------------------------

From: saturn at kuhub.cc.ukans.edu (Shawna Rosen)

The wedding guests would follow the couple back to their room,

and try to grab the bride's garter for good luck. Brides

starting tossing their garter to the crowd as a means of self

preservation! As society changed it became inappropriate to

throw part of your underwear, and the bouquet was substituted.

Sometime this century, the garter toss was added back in as a

means of equalizing the tradition. Women could catch the

bouquet and men could catch the garter. Why the groom can't

throw part of his own costume is beyond me.

-------------------------

From: Mary Jane Nather <natherm at ucs.orst.edu>

The sources I read indicated that in the past anything of a

bride's was lucky--gloves, flowers, garters, etc. It was said

that a man who gave his love the garter of a bride would be

guaranteed faithfulness. The guests were so eager to get the

garter, often the bride would be accosted at the altar by men

who stole it from her. Smart brides began having men compete

for the garter--usually a foot or horse race. Also, many would

give out small colored ribbons called "favours" to guests as an

attempt to avoid being turned upside down by men eager for their

garter. I've also read that the guests would sit at the end of

the bed with their backs to the bride and groom. Men would

throw the bride's stocking over their shoulder and try to hit

her nose, while women would do the same for the groom. Those

with good aim were the next to be married. Sound like a fun

wedding night?

-------------------------

From: fkindle at aol.com (FKindle) (Fred)

I have been photographing some weddings recently where the bride

& groom both toss the bouquet & garter at the same time.... It

works out great! It's faster, the catch is better when it's a

surprise to the guys & ladies of who the other person is that

caught it...This works best when you stand back to back and each

throw at the same time. I only hope that you're either both

righty or lefty to avoid a collision... TRY IT.

================================================================

1.4: What is the story behind the wedding rhyme:

"Something old, something new,

Something borrowed, something blue,

And a lucky sixpence for your shoe."

From: IVANOR at delphi.com (Carolyn Boselli)

According to my Bartlett's, it's from the late 19th century,

authorship unknown.

-------------------------

From: "'Riff' Beth Marie Mc Curdy" <ook at u.washington.edu>

The following is from Oxford's -A Dictionary of Superstitions-

(p.42-43): "Something old, something new, something borrowed,

something blue" was quoted in a 1883 newspaper and ascribed to

"some Lancashire friends." Something old tradition- no pre-20th

century citations. The editors point out a possible link to the

belief that "something old" will protect a baby, first cited at

1659. No citations for "something new." Something borrowed-

same 1883 paper (one issue earlier) "it is widely accounted

'lucky' to wear something...which has already been worn by a

happy bride at her wedding." Something blue- Wearing blue to

express faithfulness traced back as far as a 1390 citation from

Chaucer's "Squire's Tale." -Sixpence- appears twice, as "silver

sixpence" and "lucky sixpence" (the third line scans with a

more staccato rhythym than the first two.). There's 1774 record

of a Scottish groom using a sixpence in his shoe to ward off

evil from his rival, and an 1814 (Scottish again) citation that

the bride "wear a piece of silver in one of her shoes" to ward

evil from disappointed suitors. There are also 20th century

citations to the bride's walking on a gold coin to produce

prosperity. For your curiousity, pre-1650 wedding superstitions

included: 1549 the lifting over the threshhold; 1601 sun seen

shining on the bride = good fortune; 1648 garters passed on to

groomsmen and bridesmaids; 1604 bride's left stocking thrown (as

modern bouquet); 1615 premature marriage producing premature

death; 1592 unmarried elder sisters dancing barefoot at wedding

party; 1634 one wedding brings another; stepping between couple

unlucky (or even caused by the devil).

================================================================

1.5: I'm not pagan but my boyfriend is, and he asked me if I'd

like to take part in a Handfasting with him. I know the

basics of it ...366 days of a trial marriage sort of thing

and, at the end of the 366 days, there is a choice of

continuing the relationship or ending it. Is handfasting

legally binding? What exactly is done and in what order?

From: "'Jherek' W. Swanger" <jswanger at u.washington.edu>

Handfasting refers to the old practice of trial marriages for a

year and a day, supposedly prevalent in Scotland, Wales and

Ireland. I've never actually run across other references to

this other than Sir Walter Scott (19th cent.).

-------------------------

From: raven at solaria.sol.net (Raven (J. Singleton))

"When we are handfasted, as we term it, we are man and wife

for a year and a day; that space gone by, each may choose

another mate, or, at their pleasure, may call the priest

to marry them for life; and this we call handfasting."

-- Sir Walter Scott, _The Monastery_ (1820), ch. 25.

-------------------------

From: chaos at whip.ugcs.caltech.edu (Tien-Yee Chiu)

The old way in Great Britain for couples to pledge their

betrothal was for them to join hands, his right to her right,

his left to her left, so from above they looked like an infinity

symbol. Done in front of witnesses, this made them officially

"married" for a year and a day, following which they could renew

permanently or for another year and a day. This was called

"handfasting" and was used extensively in the rural areas where

priests and ministers didn't go all that often. Sharing a cup

and pledging their betrothal in front of witnesses used to

accomplish the same thing (usually done in taverns) but was

eventually outlawed in most of Europe. In fact, the reference I

got that from mentioned only Switzerland because they were one

of the last to stop recognizing it as a legal marriage.

-------------------------

From: raven at solaria.sol.net (Raven (J. Singleton))

"This custom of handfasting actually prevailed in the upland

days. It arose partly from the want of priests. While the

convents subsisted, monks were detached on regular circuits

through the wilder districts, to marry those who had lived

in this species of connexion."

-- Andrew Lang, note in his edition of _The Monastery_

-------------------------

From: Kirsti Thomas <kst at paul.spu.edu>

This type of marriage survived in Scottish law until the 20th

century.

-------------------------

From: raven at solaria.sol.net (Raven (J. Singleton))

Handfasting remained legal in Scotland until 1939. Common-law

marriage in general is still legally recognized in several of

the United States: AL, CO, GA, IA, ID, KS, OH, OK, PA, RI, SC,

TX, UT, and even in DC (This list as of 1987, from the current

World Almanac & Book of Facts). Generally, this just takes both

of you saying that you ARE man and wife, and conducting

yourselves accordingly. No particular ceremony needed. This

allows a man and woman in a deserted place with no-one else

around to marry -- and later have it be found legitimate, legal

and binding.(However, I am *NOT* a lawyer. Look up the rules

for your *OWN* state.)

-------------------------

From: mylitta73 at aol.com (Mylitta73)

According to common law of Scotland...a handfasting is a ritual

commonly used hundreds of years ago as a trial marriage. The

time limit of a year and a day was considered, though not

required. As such, if you are handfasted, you would be married

under those laws. However, based on the laws here in the states

you would still be considered just engaged. So, if you decide

to go through the handfasting...it would be a chance for the two

of you to make your vows without all the hassles of the state's

approval. One quick note....in the past, if a baby was born

because of the union, the two would be immediately married by a

priest. If one of you, either the husband or the wife, decided

against such an arrangement, then the person who leaves the

marriage loses all rights to the child.

-------------------------

From: ravendncr at aol.com (RAVENDNCR)

Handfasting is not a "legal" binding agreement between two

people unless that is what the couple wishes. As a nonlegal

binding agreement the period of "commitment" is one year and a

day, after which the vows can either be renewed, the couple

become LEGALLY married, or go separate ways.

-------------------------

From: reive at mutant.clark.net (reive)

Handfasting is a MODERN pagan tradition that is, in part,

derived from traditional medieval/renaissance wedding practices.

-------------------------

From: cm369 at FreeNet.Carleton.CA (D. Sabrina Baskey)

Handfasting nowadays is a neopagan wedding ceremony, the

equivalent of a Judeo-Christian marriage ceremony, uniting two

people in love. The essential elements are thanking the

gods/Goddess for bringing this love into their lives; feeding

each other and giving each other a drink (to show their

commitment to caring for the other); and jumping over a broom.

The cutting of the wedding cake usually includes feeding each

other a small portion, and you can make a toast to each other

and drink out of the other's cup. The only element that would

seem out of place in a Christian wedding is the broom.

Depending on the tolerance of your guests and your desire to

include this, you could do it as part of your reception, with

some little explanation. Or you could do what I plan to do,

which is place a broom at the end of the "aisle", so that we can

jump it at the end of the recessional. We plan to get married

in a garden, so I don't have to worry about who might disapprove

of me placing a broom in it, but this probably wouldn't work too

well at a church wedding.

-------------------------

From: ladyjane at cyberverse.com (Lanfear)

We tied in several period wedding customs as part of our

ceremony. One is to kiss three times while saying "I love thee"

after each kiss, and another is for the couple to jump over a

crossed broom and sword (held by the best man and the maid of

honor). The symbolizes the cutting of ties to their parents and

the ties being swept away.

-------------------------

From: knk at leba.net (Mystic)

I am sorry to point this out to you but Jumping over a broom

originated in the days of slavery. Paganism was around a whole

lot longer than that!

================================================================

1.6: I'm getting married next September, and we plan to have a

handfasting. I'm trying to gather ideas for the ceremony,

decorations, etc. and would love to hear from anyone who has

planned or attended a handfasting.

From: Cinnamon Minx <whitewlf at tiac.net>

We're going to do it outside, in traditional Scottish attire

(kilts and all! Whoopee! Love the legs, honey!) and we're

planning to have Celtic music and some Scottish food. We don't

have all the details worked out yet, but once we decided how to

go, it started to evolve from there.

-------------------------

From: Goosie at 502.ima.infomail.com (Goosie)

We might opt for an outdoor civil ceremony with a celtic style

reception <music, food, entertainment...I'd love to have some

bardic performers>. During the vows, we could have our friend

<and most likely our best man> bind our hands with a white

ribbon explaining the tradition to our guests.

-------------------------

From: amypamy at aol.com (Amypamy)

We held our ceremony outside. Our minister was incredible; she

had a voice that carried, and announced to all: "Hear Ye, Hear

Ye! The Wedding Ceremony is about to begin!" We wanted our

guests to be participants, not spectators, so we had the

officiant gather them in a circle around an arch in front of

which we were to stand. Mark walked in first, with his two

attendants walking side by side ahead of him. Then my

attendants walked in, also side by side, then my father and me

until we reached his chair, at which point we kissed, and I left

him there to walk towards Mark on my own. Mark held a sword in

his hand, and as I approached, we held the sword together, and

planted it in the ground. That was our "altar". The officiant

said a greeting, which gave meaning to the circle (enclosing the

spirit, etc.). She then poured a libation as offering to those

who couldn't be with us (i.e., my mother has passed away). We

then had two of the attendants come up and pass a cloth about

our clasped hands - we grabbed each other's right with our

right, etc., so the symbol formed was that of "infinity". The

cloth was just a white cloth with a stylized Celtic knot sewn

on. We stood that way while the officiant read our consents, we

repeated said vows, read some things, etc. Our hands were

unbound by the other attendants, and then we did a ring

exchange. After the ring exchange, we had the pronouncement,

and we walked out together while his best man grabbed the sword.

Altogether, I'd say the ceremony itself lasted about 15 minutes.

-------------------------

From: mitchell at coyote.csusm.edu (Laura Mitchell)

We wrote our own vows and included a lot of symbolism about the

'circle of life', an important aspect to us. See our ceremony

at: http://www.csusm.edu/public/guests/mitchell/ceremony.html.

-------------------------

From: "'Jherek' W. Swanger" <jswanger at u.washington.edu>

I believe that part of the Orthodox Wedding Rite involves the

ceremonial binding of the couple's hands together.

-------------------------

From: morganv at io.com (Morgan ap Rhys)

Here are the vows from a handfasting as written by a friend of

mine. I personally find it one of the nicest I've seen. This

is followed by the exchange of rings, or the tieing of the

hands, or whatever you have decided to use as the symbol of your

joining. Use this as you see fit and enjoy.

BRIDE:

I am woman, cherish me.

I give life to all things.

It is I who bring bounty,

From the green things in the fields

To the wild creatures in the forest.

I am light and laughter,

I am Brigid, mother of All.

GROOM:

I am man, respect me.

I bring death to all things.

It is I who am the reaper,

I am the Lord of the Hunt

And lord of the fields.

I lead the dead to the Summerland,

I am Herne, father of All.

BOTH TOGETHER:

Love and honor us.

Together we are life and death,

Darkness and light,

Joy and sorrow,

Order and chaos.

We are summer and winter,

Spring and fall.

We are growth and decay,

Youth and age,

Night and day,

Female and male.

Wherever one of us walks,

The other will be not far behind.

This is the way of things.

-------------------------

From: mayhem at buffnet.net (Mothermay)

These vows are not traditional; they're only a couple a years

old. My husband and I wrote them:

"(Insert name), you have embraced all aspects of my nature.

You love me completely, for both my strengths and my weaknesses.

You have given me the courage and faith to trust you, to let you

love me as an entire person. You have allowed me to embrace all

aspects of your nature. You have let me love you completely, for

both your strengths and your weaknesses. You have shown courage

and faith in me, to trust me to love you as an entire person. I,

(name), take you, (another name), just as you are, and however

you may change, above all others, to share my life."

-------------------------

From: jsnead at netcom.com (John R. Snead)

Here is the text of our handfasting ceremony:

John: Tonight we return to each other the tokens of our time

apart. (This refers to the fact that before we were married,

we were living in different states. The 'tokens' are necklaces

we gave each other.)

Becca: For tonight we pledge our love, and start our life

together. (John places Becca's token around her neck, Becca

places John's token around his neck)

John: With this knife, I promise to stand beside you through

all the challenges of this life, to support you, and defend

you whenever you need me.

Becca: I accept your promise. (John kisses blade, puts it on,

and rises. Becca kneels and holds her knife)

Becca: With this knife, I promise to stand beside you through

all the challenges of this life, to support you, and defend you

whenever you need me.

John: I accept your promise. (Becca kisses blade, puts it on,

and rises. John takes up his cup and kneels)

John: With this cup, I promise to accept the love you pour upon

me, and to return that love in kind. (Becca takes pitcher and

fills cup)

Becca: Drink, then, of my love. (John drinks, places cup on

table, and rises, Becca takes up her cup and kneels)

Becca: With this cup, I promise to accept the love you pour upon

me, and to return that love in kind. (John takes pitcher and

fills cup)

John: Drink, then, of my love. (Becca drinks, places cup on

table, and stands. John pricks his finger [we used sterile

blood-test stylets available at most pharmacies], bleeds a drop

on the fire)

John: With this blood I ask the gods to bless this union. (Takes

cup from table and bleeds a drop into it) With this blood I

bind my life to yours. (John holds cup up, Becca places her

hands over his)

Becca: I drink of our life together. (Becca drinks, John places

cup on table and stands. Becca pricks her finger and bleeds a

drop on the fire) With this blood I ask the gods to bless this

union. (Takes cup from table and bleeds a drop into it) With

this blood I bind my life to yours. (Becca holds cup up, John

places his hands over hers)

John: I drink of our life together. (John drinks, Becca returns

cup to the table and stands)

Vows before the gods

(The Priest and Priestess turn toward the others, the Priestess

to the right of the Priest. They join hands, raising their arms

aloft at the same time) Priest: May the place of this rite be

consecrated before the gods. For we gather here in a ritual of

love with the two who would be wedded. John and Becca come

forward to stand before us and before the Gods. (The Priest

picks up the wand (with the rings on it, one on each end) and

holds one end of it before him in his right hand, the Priestess

likewise holds the other in with her left hand, the rings on the

exposed wand between them) Place your right hands beside each

other, over this wand, and your rings.

Priestess: Above you are the stars below you the stone. As time

does pass remember... like a star should you be constant. Like

a stone should your love be firm. Be close, yet not too close.

Possess one another, yet be understanding. Have patience each

with the other the other for storms will come, but they will go

quickly. Be free in giving of affection and warmth. Make love

often, and be sensuous to one another. Have no fear, and let

not the ways or words of strangers give you unease. For the

Goddess and the God are with you. Now and always.

(After a pause of five heartbeats) Priest: Is it your wish Becca

to join your life with this man?

Becca: It is.

Priest: Is it your wish John to join your life with this woman?

John: It is

Priest: Then as the Goddess, the God, and the Old Ones are

witness to this rite, I hereby announce to all here that you are

husband and wife.

================================================================

1.7: My best friend is planning a medieval peasant's wedding

and I am in charge of locating appropriate wedding vows.

Are there any websites that have samples of medieval vows

or could someone please recommend some books?

From: 3lds2 at qlink.queensu.ca (Sorensen Lise D)

I had lunch with our medievalist yesterday, and have I got good

news for you! There are two books -- in paperback, yet -- which

will supply all your needs regarding medieval vows and weddings.

The first book is _Women's Lives in Medieval Europe_, edited by

Emilie Amt. I recommend this book highly as general reading. It

is informative, and well-written. It is also useful as a guide

to medieval marriage ceremonies and customs. The second books

is _Nuptial Blessing_ (1982) by Kenneth Stevenson [Oxford

University Press, New York]. In it are contained the various

forms of wedding vows and blessings of the Middle Ages with all

their regional and temporal variations. BTW, included in this

book is the blessing for the marriage bed. You see, very often a

couple wasn't married at the church, but a priest would come by

the family home (after the couple was ceremonially acknowledged

as wedded by their families) and bless the bed and wedding

chamber in the presence of both families and the newly-wedded

bride and groom. The priest and relatives would leave the room

(to continue partying in the rest of the house, or nearby), and

leave the couple to consummate their relationship in the newly

"sacralized" bed.

-------------------------

From: "'Jherek' W. Swanger" <jswanger at u.washington.edu>

Another good source is "Documents of the Marriage Liturgy" by

Searle, Mark, and Kenneth W Stevenson. Collegeville, Minn.:

Liturgical P, 1992. This is THE book to read for copies of the

vows themselves. Includes Jewish ceremony and a number of

Christian liturgies from the Early Middle Ages to the present)

-------------------------

From: byrdie at serv.net (Renee Ann Byrd)

A 1993 wedding I attended had a bit of medieval flavor to it.

According to the program, the wedding service was taken from the

1549 "Book of Common Prayer."

-------------------------

From: fishcat at hooked.net (Trystan L. Bass)

For an authentic Renaissance ceremony, point your Web browser at

http://fermi.clas.virginia.edu/~gl8f/rialto/rialto.html, then go

to wedding. This is part of the archives of rec.org.sca, and

the weddings-e-art file begins with two ceremony scripts drawn

from the 16th century "English Book of Common Prayer".

Actually, the format has not changed much (only the language),

so the modern book would be appropriate also. For Renaissance

readings, anything in the King James Version of the Bible is

perfect. The language is pure high Renaissance. On this same

rialto site, there is another large wedding file with lots of

archived letters discussing the subject of period weddings.

Finally, for some romantic wedding poetry, look into:

Shakespeare's Sonnet 18 (Shall I compare thee to a summer's

day), Sonnet 116 (Let me not to a marriage of true minds admit

impediment), _Romeo and Juliet_, act 2, scene 2 (But soft! What

light through yonder window breaks), and Christopher Marlowe's

"Passionate Shepherd to His Love" (Come live with me and be my

love and we shall all the pleasures prove).

-------------------------

From: J. L. Spangler <JLS5 at psuvm.psu.edu>

Jennifer pulls her trusty Riverside Shakespeare from the shelf.

Here's Sonnet 29:

When in disgrace with Fortune and men's eyes

I all alone beweep my outcast state,

And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,

And look upon myself and curse my fate,

Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,

Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd,

Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,

With what I most enjoy contented least;

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,

Haply I think on thee, and then my state

(Like to the lark at break of day arising

From sullen earth) sing hymns at heaven's gate,

For thy sweet love rememb'red such wealth brings,

That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

-------------------------

From: Kirsti Thomas <kst at paul.spu.edu>

My husband Jherek and I wrote our own vows. They are posted at

http://paul.spu.edu/~kst/bib/vows.txt. Be aware that the

ceremony isn't historically accurate. Some of the phrasings

(e.g. bonny and boxum at bed and at board) and rituals are taken

from period sources, but we also made up some of it ourselves.

-------------------------

From: J. L. Spangler <JLS5 at psuvm.psu.edu>

i've always loved this quote--we may put it in our programs.

Doubt thou the stars are fire;

Doubt that the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar;

But never doubt I love.

(from Hamlet)

-------------------------

From: locksley at indirect.com (Joe Bethancourt)

The Form of Matrimony in the European Middle Ages

As reconstructed by W. J. Bethancourt III,

(NOTE: This is not intended to be represented as a true

medieval marriage rite, but rather a reconstruction (with such

alterations and interpolations as to make it acceptable in

modern usages) from available references for use within the SCA,

nor is it represented as a "official" rite of any Church, nor as

an official ceremony of the SCA Inc. The sources used were the

Book of Common Prayer of HRM Elizabeth I of England, extracts

from the Sarum Rite and the York Rite, and various other lesser

sources).

At the day and time appointed for solemnization of Matrimony,

the persons to be married shall come into the porch of the

Church with their friends and neighbors; and there standing

together, the Man on the right hand, and the woman on the left,

with that person who shall give the Woman betwixt them, the

Priest shall say,

Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of

God to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony;

which is an honourable estate, instituted of God in Paradise,

and into which holy estate these two persons present come now to

be joined. Therefore if any man can shew any just cause, why

they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or

else hereafter for ever hold his peace.

And also, speaking unto the persons that shall be married, he

shall say: I require and charge you both, as ye will answer at

the dreadful day of judgement when the secrets of all hearts

shall be disclosed, that if either of you know any impediment,

why ye may not be lawfully joined together in Matrimony, that ye

confess it. For ye be well assured, that so many as be coupled

together otherwise than God's Word doth allow are not joined

together by God; neither is their Matrimony lawful. At which

day of Marriage, if any man do alledge and declare any

impediment, why they may not be coupled together in Matrimony,

by God's Law, or the Laws of the Realm; and will be bound, and

sufficient sureties with him, to the parties; or else put in a

Caution (to the full value of such charges as the persons to be

married do thereby sustain) to prove his allegation; then the

solemnization must be deferred, until such time as the truth be

tried.

If no impediment be alleged, then shall the Priest say unto the

Man: N., Wilt thou have this Woman to be thy wedded wife, to

live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of

Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour, and keep

her, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all other, keep

thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?

The Man shall answer: I will.

Then shall the Priest say to the Woman: N., Wilt thou have this

man to be thy wedded husband, to live together after God's

ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou obey him,

and serve him, love, honour, and keep him in sickness and in

health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so

long as ye both shall live?

The Woman shall answer: I will.

Thus ends the formal betrothal. They shall then advance unto

the Altar, led by the Minister, who shall then turn to the

assembled company, and say: Who giveth this Woman to be married

to this Man?

And the person who gives the Woman shall answer, and shall place

the Woman's right hand in the hand of the Minister, and then

shall retire. Then shall they give their troth to each other in

this manner: The Minister, receiving the Woman at her father's

or friend's hands, shall cause the Man with his right hand to

take the Woman by her right hand, and to say after him as

followeth: I, N., take thee N to my wedded wife, to have and

to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer

for poorer, for fairer or fouler, in sickness and in health, to

love and to cherish, till death us depart, according to God's

holy ordinance; and thereunto I plight thee my troth.

Then shall they loose their hands; and the Woman, with her right

hand taking the Man by his right hand, shall likewise say after

the Minister: I N. take thee N to my wedded husband, to have

and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for

richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to be bonny and

buxom at bed and at board, to love and to cherish, till death us

depart, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereunto I

plight thee my troth.

Then shall they again loose their hands; and the Man shall give

unto the Woman a Ring, laying the same upon the Book with the

accustomed duty to the Priest and Clerk. And the Priest shall

bless the Ring(s) in the following manner: Bless these Rings,

O merciful Lord, that those who wear them, that give and receive

them, may be ever faithful to one another, remain in your peace,

and live and grow old together in your love, under their own

vine and fig tree, and seeing their children's children. Amen.

And the Priest, taking the Ring, shall deliver it to the Man, to

put it on the fourth finger of the Woman's left hand. And the

Man holding the ring there, and taught by the Priest, shall say:

With this Ring I thee wed, (here placing it upon her thumb) and

with my body I thee honor, (here placing it upon her index

finger) and with all my worldly goods I thee endow; (here

placing it upon her ring finger) In the Name of the Father, and

of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

If it be a double-ring ceremony, let the Woman do the same as

the Man, giving him the ring, and repeating the same words as

he. They both shall kneel down; and the Minister shall say:

Let us pray. O Eternal God, Creator and Preserver of all

mankind, Giver of all spiritual grace, the Author of everlasting

life; Send thy blessing upon these thy servants, this man and

this woman, whom we bless in thy Name; + that, as Isaac and

Rebecca lived faithfully together, so these persons may surely

perform and keep the vow and covenant betwixt them made, whereof

this Ring given and received is a token and pledge, and may ever

hereafter remain in perfect love and peace together, and live

according to thy laws; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

And here shall be said the "Our Father." Then shall the Priest

join their right hands together, and say: Those whom God hath

joined together let no man put asunder.

Then shall the Minister speak unto the people: Forasmuch as N

and N have consented together in holy wedlock, and have

witnessed the same before God and this company, and thereto have

given and pledged their troth each to the other, and have

declared the same by giving and receiving of a Ring, and by

joining of hands; I pronounce therefore that they be Man and

Wife together, in the Name of the Father, + and of the Son, and

of the Holy Spirit. Amen

And the Minister shall add this blessing: God the Father, + God

the Son, God the Holy Spirit, bless, preserve, and keep you;

the Lord mercifully with his favour look upon you; and so fill

you with all spiritual benediction and grace, that ye may so

live together in this life, that in the world to come ye may

have life everlasting. Amen.

And here the Minister shall turn the couple to the Company, and

they may kiss each the other, and then proceed from the Altar.

And if it be the wish of the couple to take Communion, they may

do it privately, following these ceremonies.

Here endeth the Medieval Wedding

-------------------------

From: chaos at blend.ugcs.caltech.edu (Tien-Yee Chiu)

According to Barbara Walker in _The Woman's Encyclopedia of

Myths and Secrets_, the original Anglican marriage service for

the wife went like this: "I take thee to my wedded husband, to

have and to hold, for fairer or fouler, for better for worse,

for richer for poorer, in sickness or health, ***to be bonny and

buxom in bed*** and at board, till death us depart [sic]." (A

curious clerical note made in the margin at a later date

explained that "bonny and buxom" really meant "meek and

obedient". Somehow I don't think so.) (She attributes this

information to W. Carew Hazlitt, _Faiths and Folklores of the

British Isles_, p. 447, in case anyone cares to check up on it.)

-------------------------

From: rain at teleport.com (Rain)

There is an entire page of Handfasting information on the WWWeb,

URL: http://www.pacificnet.net/~jkdyson/aw/handfast.html. It's

not everything you'll want, but it's a fair place to start.

-------------------------

From: BJ Kuehl (bj at csd.uwm.edu)

Kirsti Thomas has compiled the following bibliography of books

on the topic of medieval wedding customs. This bibliography is

also housed at: http://paul.spu.edu/~kst/bib/bib.html.

****************************************************************

A (Rough) Bibliography of

Medieval and Renaissance Marriage Practices

(with some Celtic stuff thrown in for good measure)

Compiled by Kirsti Thomas

(kst at paul.spu.edu)

******************************************************************************

This bibliography focuses on marriage customs in Western Europe,

dealing primarily with England, France, Germany and Italy. I have not

included works on the topic of costume (with one exception), since

an extensive FAQ on historical costuming is frequently posted to

rec.org.sca. The FAQ is also available via FTP at rtfm.mit.edu:

/pub/usenet/news.answers/crafts/historical-costuming

/pub/usenet/news.answers/crafts/textiles/books/part1

/pub/usenet/news.answers/crafts/textiles/books/part2

Several of the works are in languages other than English. Since my

comprehension of Italian and French is minimal at best, I cannot

guarantee the usefulness of works in those languages. I am also in the

process of reviewing the works cited here and will be revising this

bibliography as time allows.

******************************************************************************

Adams, Jeremy duQuesnay. Patterns of Medieval Society. Englewood

Cliffs, N.J.: Prentice-Hall, 1969.

Altieri, Marco Antonio. Li nuptiali. Rome, C. Bartoli, 1873. Ed. Enrico

Narducci.

(If you can read Italian, this seems to be one of the best primary

sources on Italian Renaissance wedding rituals. Originally written

around 1509, it was reprinted in 1873 and does not seem to have

appeared in print since.)

Bingham, Joel Foote. The Christian Marriage Ceremony: Its History,

Significance and Curiosities: Ritual, Practical and Archaeological Notes;

and the Text of the English, Roman, Greek and Jewish Ceremonies. New

York: A. D. F. Randolph & Company, 1871.

Bolton, Brenda, et al., eds. Women in Medieval Society. Philadelphia: U

of Pennsylvania P, 1976.

Brooke, Christopher Nugent Lawrence. The Medieval Idea of Marriage.

Oxford: Oxford UP, 1989.

(Historical study of how marriage was viewed, legally, ecclesiastically

and socially, and how it evolved)

Brundage, James A. Sex, Law and Marriage in the Middle Ages. Aldershot,

England: Variorum, 1993.

Brucker, Gene A. Giovanni and Lusanna: Love and Marriage in Renaissance

Florence. London: Weidenfeld & Nicolson, 1986.

Centro italiano di studi sull'alto Medioevo. Il Matrimonio Nella Societa

Altomedievale: 22-28 aprile 1976. Settimane di studio del Centro italiano

di studi sull'alto Medioevo 24. Spoleto : Presso la sede del Centro, 1977.

Charsley, Simon R. Wedding Cakes and Cultural History. London:

Routledge, 1992.

Cunnington, Phillis Emily, and Catherine Lucas. Costume for Births,

Marriages & Deaths. New York: Barnes & Noble, 1972.

(Brief discussions of clothing and customs from roughly the 11th to

the late 19th centuries, focusing primarily on England. Contains many

direct quotes from period sources)

Duby, Georges. Love and Marriage in the Middle Ages. Trans. Jane

Dunnett. Chicago: U of Chicago P, 1994.

Duby, Georges. Medieval Marriage: Two Models from Twelfth-century

France. Trans. Elborg Forster. Johns Hopkins Symposia in Comparative

History 11. Baltimore: Johns Hopkins UP, 1978.

Duby, Georges. The Knight, the Lady, and the Priest: the Making of

Modern Marriage in Medieval France. Trans. Barbara Bray. 1st

American ed. New York: Pantheon Books, 1983.

Ennen, Edith. The Medieval Woman. Trans. Edmund Jephcott. Oxford:

Basil Blackwell, 1989.

Famiglietti R. C. Tales of the Marriage Bed from Medieval France

(1300-1500). 1st ed. Providence, RI: Picardy P, 1992.

Fischer, Andreas. Engagement, Wedding and Marriage in Old English.

Anglistische Forschungen 176. Heidelberg: Winter, 1986.

Gaudemet, Jean, Le Mariage en Occident: les Moeurs et le Droit . Paris:

Editions du Cerf, 1987.

Gerstfeldt, Olga von. Hochzeitsfeste der Renaissance in Italien.

Esslingen: P. Neff, 1906.

Gies, Frances, and Joseph Gies. Marriage and the Family in the Middle

Ages. 1st ed. New York: Harper & Row, 1987.

Goldberg, P. J. P. Women, Work, and Life Cycle in a Medieval Economy:

Women in York and Yorkshire c. 1300-1520. Oxford: Clarendon P; New

York: Oxford UP, 1992.

Greilsammer, Myriam. L'envers du Tableau: Mariage & Maternite en Flandre

Medievale. Paris: A. Colin, 1990.

Haines, Frank, and Elizabeth Haines. Foreign Brides From Antiquity.

Cumberland, Md.: Hobby House P, 1989.

(The Haines present general examples of brides from various points

in history (1600, B.C. - A.D. 1720) Costumed dolls model the fashions

in color photos. Also includes detailed descriptions of costume, with

line drawings of each item of clothing and brief descriptions of

wedding customs.)

Herlihy, David. The Social History of Italy and Western Europe,

700-1500. London: Variorum, 1978.

Holliday, Carl. Wedding Customs Then and Now. Boston: Stratford, 1919.

James, Edwin Oliver. Marriage Customs Through the Ages. New York:

Collier, 1965.

Klapisch-Zuber, Christiane., Women, Family and Ritual in Renaissance

Italy. Chicago: U of Chicago P, 1985.

Lafon, Jacques. Les Epoux Bordelais: 1450-1550, Regimes Matrimoniaux

et Mutations Sociales. Demographie et Societes 16. Paris,

S.E.V.P.E.N., 1972.

Laiou, Angeliki E., ed. Consent and Coercion to Sex and Marriage in

Ancient and Medieval Societies. Washington, D.C.: Dumbarton Oaks

Research Library and Collection, 1993.

Lasker, Joe. Merry Ever After: the Story of Two Medieval Weddings. 1st

ed. New York: Viking P, 1976.

(children's book with nice color illustrations)

Molho, Anthony. Marriage Alliance in Late Medieval Florence. Cambridge,

Mass.: Harvard UP, 1994.

Molin, Jean-Baptiste, and Protais Mutembe. Le Rituel du Mariage en

France du XIIe au XVIe Siecle . Theologie Historique 26. Paris:

Beauchesne, 1974.

(One of the most frequently quoted works on the topic)

Powell, Chilton Latham. English Domestic Relations, 1487-1653: a Study

of Matrimony and Family Life in Theory and Practice as Revealed by the

Literature, Law, and History of the Period. New York: Columbia UP, 1917.

Rollin, Betty. I Thee Wed: a Collection of Marriage Vows Past and

Present, Here and There. 1st ed. Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1961.

Roqueta, Joan. Lo Ritual Occitan del Maridatge: Testimoni d'una

Civilisacion Originala: Edicion Sinoptica e Critica de Tres Rituals amb

Formularis en Lenga Occitana (Bordeu 1466, Caors 1503, Perigus 1536),

Seguida d'una Analisi de Textes Occitans Medievals e d'una Prepausicion

de Ritual Moderne del Maridatge en Lenga d'Oc. Besiers: Centre

Internacional de Documentacion Occitana, 1981.

Salamallah, the Corpulent. Medieval Games. 2nd ed. Albuquerque, N.M.:

Raymond's Quiet P, 1982.

(Games and sports you can try at the reception!)

Salisbury, Joyce E. Medieval Sexuality: a Research Guide. Garland

Reference Library of Social Science 565. Garland Medieval Bibliographies

5. New York: Garland, 1990.

Saslow, James M. The Medici Wedding of 1589: Florentine Festival as

Theatrum Mundi. New Haven: Yale UP, 1996.

(projected date of publication: 5-96)

Schott, Clausdieter. Trauung und Jawort: Wandel einer Form. Frankfurt:

Metzner, 1969.

Schwerdtfeger, Anne. Ethnological Sources of the Christian Marriage

Ceremony. Stockholm: Ceres, 1982.

Searle, Mark, and Kenneth W. Stevenson. Documents of the Marriage

Liturgy. Collegeville, Minn.: Liturgical P, 1992.

(_The_ book to read for copies of the vows themselves. Includes a Jewish

ceremony and a number of Christian liturgies from the Early Middle Ages

to the present)

Stevenson, Kenneth W. Nuptial Blessing: a Study of Christian Marriage

Rites. New York: Oxford UP, 1983.

(Chapter 2 is a good source for various rituals and ceremonies,

while Chapter 3 deals with marriage customs during the Reformation)

Stone, Lawrence. The Family, Sex and Marriage in England, 1500-1800.

New York: Harper & Row, 1977.

Tasman, Alice Lea Mast. Wedding Album: Customs and Lore Through the

Ages. New York: Walker, 1982.

Tegg, William. The Knot Tied: Marriage Ceremonies of All Nations.

Detroit: Singing Tree P, 1970.

Urlin, Ethel L. A Short History of Marriage, Marriage Rites, Customs and

Folklore in Many Countries and All Ages. Detroit: Singing Tree P, 1969.

Van Hoecke, Willy, and Andries Welkenhuysen. Love and Marriage in the

Twelfth Century. Mediaevalia Lovaniensia, ser. 1, studia 8. Leuven:

Leuven UP, 1981.

Vocelka, Karl. Habsburgische Hochzeiten 1550-1600: kulturgeschichtlichen

Studien zum manieristischen Reprasentationsfest. Veroffentlichungen der

Kommission fur Neuere Geschichte Osterreichs 65. Wien: Bohlau, 1976.

Waugh, Scott L. The Lordship of England: Royal Wardships and Marriages

in English Society and Politics, 1217-1327. Princeton, N.J.: Princeton

UP, 1988.

Westermarck, Edward. The History of Human Marriage. 5th ed. New York:

Allerton Book Company, 1922.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Charsley, Simon R. Rites of Marrying: the Wedding Industry in Scotland.

Manchester: Manchester UP, 1991.

Martin James. The Road to the Aisle. New ed. Edinburgh: Saint Andrew,

1987.

(Scottish weddings)

McGuire Kim. The Irish Wedding Book . Dublin: Wolfhound P, 1994.

Power, Patrick C. Sex and Marriage in Ancient Ireland. Dublin:

Mercier, 1976.

Stefan's Florilegium

wed-trad-FAQ