Tin-Foil-Trag-art - 1/16/11
"Tin Foil Tragedy". A tale from Trimaris.
This file is a collection of various messages having a common theme that I have collected from my reading of the various computer networks. Some messages date back to 1989, some may be as recent as yesterday.
This file is part of a collection of files called Stefan's Florilegium. These files are available on the Internet at: http://www.florilegium.org
I have done a limited amount of editing. Messages having to do with separate topics were sometimes split into different files and sometimes extraneous information was removed. For instance, the message IDs were removed to save space and remove clutter.
The comments made in these messages are not necessarily my viewpoints. I make no claims as to the accuracy of the information given by the individual authors.
Please respect the time and efforts of those who have written these messages. The copyright status of these messages is unclear at this time. If information is published from these messages, please give credit to the originator(s).
Mark S. Harris AKA: THLord Stefan li Rous
Stefan at florilegium.org
From: Shannon Gately <RandomMongol at gmail.com>
Date: August 28, 2009 4:25:00 AM CDT
To: trimaris-temp <trimaris-temp at yahoogroups.com>
Subject: [tri-temp] Tin Foil Tragedy
Tin Foil Tragedy (thanks for the title Your Grace!)
A long time ago in a land named Trimaris there lived a beautiful Court
Baroness named Elizabeth de Whitney. She was known across the land
for her exceptional baking abilities. A few gentles in the Kingdom
were exceptionally fond of her gingerbread.
One day, a rather serious looking German guy entered a Crown
Tournament in Trimaris. Despite unfavorable odds (according to the
publication, 'Thee Realm Inquisitor'), the German guy shot through the
Tournament and came out the other side as the winner. This was
attributed to the inspiration provided by his beautiful consort,
Dulcia MacPherson. The Kingdom celebrated the announcement of heirs
to the throne.
Months of preparation commenced immediately. Dulcia put in many hours
of labor making clothes, ordering trinkets, coins and other baubles to
distribute to the populace during their reign. She did not complain
about the long hours or the blood and tears spent to make the German
guy's future wardrobe as attractive as had it been spun by angels
(pretty clothing was important since the German guy insisted on a time
period where he would wear a dress). She did these things out of love
for her Kingdom and with gratitude for the German guy's efforts to put
her on the throne (for some reason he INSISTED on sitting in the other
throne as King, when she could have handled the job herself. Yes,
she's that good!).
Their Coronation arrived and all was ready to go. Everyone in the
Kingdom rejoiced and brought many gifts to the new Majesties. Among
those giving thanks and gifts was the Baroness de Whitney. She had
prepared many of her cherished baked goods. She had wrapped them
carefully in shiny tin foil. Then she traveled across the Kingdom to
deliver them to the new Majesties. Among the tasty gifts was the
King's favorite, gingerbread. As the Baroness presented the basket
filled with the coveted treats, the King saw the sparkle of tin foil.
He then exclaimed rather loudly, "Anything in tin foil is MINE!" The
Queen, being the compassionate soul, did not object at all. She knew
it was important to him and she had the grace to smile and simply be
happy for his joy.
Their reign progressed and the Kingdom was very happy. During this
reign a shy, reserved and innocent maiden met His Majesty. They hit
it off and had many hours of fun jesting with one another.
It so happened that her birthday fell on a Kingdom holiday weekend.
Those weekends the entire Kingdom would gather and celebrate the
fortune of being Trimarians. At a party during this weekend, a
cloaked individual gave the maiden a plastic horse with a note tied
around its neck. The note promised, “Return me to the King and
receive a wonderful prize!” The young lady thought this was a clever
ploy for the King to give her a present and yet not inspire envy in
other populace members.
The King was not prepared for this circumstance. The “game” of lost
horses & prizes had been started by some unknown villain in the
Kingdom without permission from any Royals. Being a kind and
resourceful man, he offered the maiden a boon of her choice (within
reason…and the King’s definition of that was vastly different from the
maiden’s). They finally agreed on His Majesty promising to forgive
one night of mischief with no questions asked.
<cut scene....skip forward almost the whole reign>
When Majesties step down, a great event is held and the Kingdom
travels great distances to wish them well and to greet the new
Majesties. Before heading out to wish Their Majesties well, the
maiden received an unexpected communication. It was Baroness de
Whitney. She wished to relay all that had happened when she presented
her basket of baked goods to Their Majesties.
And then she suggested, “Wouldn’t it be nice to ensure the faith of
the populace, that the King is never wrong? They should never have
cause to doubt His Majesty’s decrees? Months ago, he said everything
wrapped in tin foil was his. And isn’t the King master and protector
of all that surrounds him?” The maiden agreed and told the Baroness
she would work very hard to make sure the Kingdom NEVER loses its
faith in the King’s word.
The maiden arrived at the event after a long journey that was made
easier by just thinking of the smiles she would create with her
efforts. On her way to the event, she stopped at a merchant’s wagon
and purchased all the materials she would need for the project (9
rolls of tin foil….not that she counted or anything like that). She
was now ready to show the Kingdom that the King was a wise and
The eve of Their Majesties retirement arrived, much to the sorrow of
the populace. The King and Queen spent the evening with the populace.
They celebrated a long and happy reign in which the Kingdom prospered
greatly. While away from his estate the maiden gained entry to the
estate and set about making a grand display proving the King’s word.
She and her accomplice….errr…..minion…..ummmm…..charitable friends
covered everything they could in tin foil. They wanted the angels to
be able to see this spectacle without leaving Heaven. They covered
his door, his bed, his sword, his shield handle, his cow pillow
(apparently this was sacrilege), his Guinness (that was in his
cooler)…the list went on and on. She and her friends were VERY
dedicated to their task. The Queen’s personal belongings were left
untouched. By the King’s own words everything that was his was
wrapped in tin foil.
A retainer that did not agree with the maiden’s actions raced off to
find His Majesty and bring him back to dispense justice. Shortly
thereafter, His Majesty swooped into the estate and did frown greatly.
The maiden was confused since the effort was only to help His Majesty
keep the loyalty of his Kingdom. He inspected everything that had
been decorated (the estate was thoroughly dust free after all the
sighs). He had a scowl on his face that the maiden had never seen
before and she was rightfully afraid.
<Harken back to the boon gifted to the maiden at the beginning of the
reign. Since she was a loyal and law abiding servant to the Crown the
boon had remained unused.>
She trembled in her seat as the King stormed around the estate
expressing displeasure with all the pretty wrappings. The King
eventually sat down next to her but would not look at her. He asked
her without turning to her, “I guess you want to use your ‘Get Out of
Jail Free’ card?” “Yes, please”, she replied. Being true to His
word, the King did not ask any questions and let her go with no
punishment. The event came to a close and everyone traveled back to
their homesteads with happy memories of a weekend spent well.
Many weeks passed and the maiden repeatedly tried to contact the
German guy (remember he’s no longer King at this point) to apologize.
No audience was granted. No acknowledgement of her remorse was given.
Nary was a nod given to her in any way. The maiden truly did grieve
for her trespass against her friend. That which was done with noble
and kind intent must have been an evil ploy by the Baroness de
Whitney. The maiden mourned the loss of that which she had held so
dear. She cried to the heavens, “Oh why are the innocent but fodder
to Courtly intrigues?” For surely the maiden would never stand
against the King in any way!
After many many weeks passed fortune smiled upon the maiden and she
did catch the German guy’s attention while meditating with powerful
message devices (for some reason they were known as the mystical
“IMs”). She proceeded to exclaim her repentance and begged for
forgiveness as she did unknowingly travel beyond the bounds of the
King’s comfort. Would he please….oh please forgive her and she would
work very hard to repair the friendship she so missed.
Long moments passed. The King gave her words due consideration.
Longer moments passed. The King considered more.
All during this the maiden did fret and tremble with the fear of a
Many more moments passed until a response suddenly appeared before the
“I wasn’t angry. Actually, I thought it was hilarious.”
And thus the kind, noble, compassionate, generous and strong German
guy become, “His Majesty Rat B at st at rd” forevermore.