Stefan's Florilegium

Margaret-art

Margaret-art - 4/16/99

³Margaret, Duchess of Parma, or The Spanish-Dutch war, act II²
by Jan van Seist.

NOTE: See also the files: War-o-t-Roses-art, Charlemagne-art, Isabella-art,
MK-Med-Ecc-art, Martin-Guerre-art, Lamoral-art.

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NOTICE -

This article was submitted to me by the author for inclusion in this set
of files, called Stefanıs Florilegium.

These files are available on the Internet at:
http://lg_photo.home.texas.net/florilegium/index.html

Copyright to the contents of this file remains with the author.

While the author will likely give permission for this work to be
reprinted in SCA type publications, please check with the author first
or check for any permissions granted at the end of this file.

Thank you,
Mark S. Harris
AKA: Stefan li Rous
stefan@texas.net
RSVE60@risc.sps.mot.com
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Originally published in the newsletter for the Shire of Adamastor.

Margaret, Duchess of Parma, or The Spanish-Dutch war, act II
by Jan van Seist.

One of the tragedies of period history is that, as a general rule, the
ladies are most rudely neglected. It is with a sense of shame that I must
confess that I too am guilty of this most unchivalrous conduct. In telling the
tale of Lamoral, Count of Egmont, I neglected the far more interesting tale of
his wise and benevolent regent, Margaret, Duchess of Parma. I most humbly
apologise for this unpardonable omission and dedicate this somewhat belated
article to the fair and beautiful ladies who so gracefully adorn our most
blessed shire.

Our heroine, like all true heroines, was of humble origins. The future
Lady Meg was born plain Margaret van der Genst, her motherıs surname, as her mum
had been so busy having Meg that sheıd forgotten to find herself a husband.
Fortunately for little Maggie, she bore a more than passing resemblance to the
Emperor Charles V (1), who had stayed with her mother's employer, the Count van
Hoogstraaten2 in the year before her birth.

When the good emperor heard of this resemblance he was filled with
compassion. Without a second thought, he hopped on his favourite steed and rode
straight to the Countıs castle. Arriving in the nick of time, Charles dissuaded
the Count and Countess from throwing Megıs mum out on her ear and announced his
decision to parm the Duchy of Parma onto the new-born Dutchy as a christening
present. Pausing only for a dramatic pose and a brief "Hi ho, Silver", the
heroic emperor rode off into the sunset leaving stunned silence in his wake.

As the little bastard now outranked the Countess, she was handed over to
an Imperious Auntie, Margaret, Duchess of Savoy (3), to be taught Savoie faire.
Unfortunately, while Meg was still quite young the elder Margaret shuffled off
to that great embroidery circle in the sky, so the greater part of Margaretıs
childhood was spent at the court of Mary, Queen Dowager of Hungary (3). A
bloodthirsty old biddy, Mary proved a congenial (if most unsuitable) companion
for a growing girl. The happiest days of Megıs life seem to have been spent
with her foster mother, riding together through the countryside, shouting
"yoicks" and "tally ho!" at passing yokels, firing arrows at the pheasantry and
clubbing sweet little bunny rabbits over the head.

Alas, the carefree days of youth are so soon swept away and Margaret was
only thirteen when duty, that most prosaic of taskmasters, came knocking on her
door. Her dear adoptive father and beloved Emperor had been busy playing
Florentine politics with Giulio deı Medici (better known as Pope Clement VII).
As Charles had an attractive young protégée at his disposal (Margaret) and
Giulioıs Œnephewı had just gained control of Florence. It was only a matter of
time before the dreaded m-word entered the negotiations.

Despite Charlesı no doubt good intentions, the nephew in question,
Alessandro deı Medici (4), was not the answer to the maidenıs prayers. An
incredibly old and wrinkly 27, Alex (as he was known to the lads) was more than
a little intimate with both the wine bottle and the ³ladies². Fortunately for
the young duchess, a white knight was waiting in the wings. That incurable
romantic, Cosimo deı Medici, fell in love with our heroine the first time he
clapped eyes on her.(5) Alessandroıs remarkably convenient fatal accident
surprised no-one (6).

Alas, the path of young love runs seldom smooth. The Emperor did not
trust Cosimo for some reason and rejected his suit for the young widowıs hand.
No one else was brave enough to approach the young Dukeıs ladylove and the lady
Margaret was left undisturbed for several years in the Florentine court.
Finally, on her twentieth birthday Charles, concerned that his favourite subject
was pining away in unhappy widowhood, inflicted another husband upon her. This
time, eager to make amends for his previous choice, he chose a slightly younger
papal ³nephew². Unfortunately, while it is true that Ottavio Farneseıs past was
less salacious than Alexanderıs, Margaret does not appear to have appreciated
having a thirteen-year-old husband foisted upon her. In accordance with the
most rigorous precepts of courtly love, she treated her new husband with utter
contempt.

In 1541, Ottavio accompanied Charles on his expedition to North Africa.
Shortly after they sailed, rumour reached the duchess that both the Emperor and
her husband had died in a shipwreck. Margaret (and her entire court)
immediately commenced mourning with the full vigour of high fashion only to
discover, a few months later, that the report was false. Ottavio was alive but
critically ill and under the personal care of the Emperor himself. At this
point, Margaret decided that the whole affair was too romantic to be ignored.
She renounced her earlier position of indifference and decided to fall
officially in love with Ottavio.

On his return, Margaret swept Ottavio into her arms and whisked him off to
a little love-nest sheıd discovered near Rome. The romantic decision to share
the same house as her husband paid unexpected dividends and the happy couple was
blessed with twins within a year of Ottavioıs return. Unfortunately, Margaretıs
new persona was a bit too overwhelming for her husband. Ottavio was seriously
considering imitating the action of the Tiber (i.e. throwing himself into the
sea) as a way of ending the slings and arrows of outrageous matrimony, when who
should come to the rescue, but the Emperor's son, Philip II, King of Spain and
the Netherlands.

Philipıs spies had informed him of Ottavioıs dissatisfaction and the news
couldnıt have come at better time. He needed a new regent for the Netherlands
(preferably one who was entirely dependent on him for the appointment and was
unconnected with any of the factions in that land) and he wanted allies in Italy
(preferably war heroes with imperial and papal connections). A non-partisan
Parmesan courtesan would be perfect for the cabezos de queso7 and a grateful
Ottavio would no doubt be one of the latter. The posting would even make Philıs
dad happy. Charles had always been fond of the girl.

Margaret quickly discovered that her posting bore more resemblance to a
Borgia family reunion than the gravy train sheıd been promised but being a good
girl with a solid background in Florentine diplomacy she buckled down to the
task at hand. On arriving in Brussels, her first act was to convene the council
of state. The great nobles and prelates of the seventeen provinces all arrived.
They told her how delighted they were with King Philipıs newfound commitment to
affirmative action and proceeded to uncooperate fully with their new governess.
With tact, charm and a few hints about the importance of food tasters, she
managed to win most of the nobility over to sullen neutrality.

Unfortunately, her biggest problem was beyond her control. One of the
difficulties of being regent is that you act for your king. If the king himself
chooses to stir the pot, you just have to smile and hope he doesnıt make a mess.
If your King is Philip II of Spain, that is a lot to hope for.

King Philip had never really liked the Dutch. They irritated him with
legal games whenever they didnıt want to do as they were told8 and at least half
of them had deliberately turned Protestant just to spite him. By the time
Margaret had turned up, Philip (with the help of his old mate, Cardinal
Granvelle) had managed to get a really good inquisition up and running and was
happily composing new laws for exterminating the Dutch in his spare time9.

There wasnıt much Margaret could do about the inquisition. She tried
telling Cardinal ³I should have been the regent² Granvelle to tone it down a bit
but when he pointed out that it was a) the kingıs idea, b) the churchıs business
and c) none of hers, there wasnıt much she could do. However, with the help of
the more rational noblemen, she was able to prevent the Dutch from openly
rebelling against their King by stalling his more insane plans and shuffling the
blame for the rest onto his friend, the Cardinal.

Alas, this tactic worked too well. By 1564, Granvelle was so unpopular
the King was forced to recall him. This proved a mixed blessing for Margaret &
co. It removed a particularly odious opponent but it also left them short one
scapegoat. Unless Philip toned down his act, revolution was only a matter of
time. Alas for Margaret, her King had a cunning plan.

From the safety of Toledo, Philip and his generals read Margaretıs
despatches with unfeigned delight. A revolt in the Netherlands would provide
the perfect excuse to shift a large Spanish army there. Having knocked over the
rebels, the army could hop over the English Channel and rescue England from
Protestant tyranny10. Philip immediately wrote back to let Margaret know that in
answer to her request for help he was sending a humungous army her direction.
Suffice it to say that Margaret was not amused.

When word got out that a large army was coming from Spain to repress them
the Dutch were rather upset. They wrote to the King telling him that he could
not use their harbours to land his soldiers (a letter that did little to soothe
his savage breast). Several members of the council of state resigned on
principle, claiming that the whole regency was a charade (see figure). Several
others travelled to Spain to tell him why his policies were technically
illegal11. Others paid unobtrusive visits to their German relatives and inquired
about the weather, the hunting, oh, and the cost of mercenaries these days.
Meanwhile, the Duke of Alva quietly marched the army to Holland via France12.

On his arrival in Brussels, the Duke of Alva immediately sought an
audience with Margaret. He hastened to assure her that he was merely there as
military commander and that he would as a matter of course respect her position
as regent. He then established a military council and declared martial law13.

At this point Margaret decided that enough was enough. She wrote to
Cousin Philip and pointed out that, while the Netherlands now had two regents,
Parma was pining for its duchess. Accompanied by the Count and Countess of
Mansfield, who were travelling to Italy for health reasons13, she left for Parma
and the bliss of early retirement.

1 - Known among those with little tact and no sense of self-preservation as "you
know, the duke with the big nose and the fat lip". You didn't need DNA testing
to establish paternity when a Hapsburg was involved.

2 ­ This famous Count was to play the important rôle of comic relief in the dark
days to come. The first of his many intrusions into the otherwise sombre tomes
of Dutch history occurred in 1565 when he attended a party in honour of the
Count of Egmont. Everyone else talked very seriously about politics. Van
Hoogstraaten spent the evening trying to get the Archbishop of Cambray drunk and
flinging pots at him. The Count leaves the annals in 1568. He shot himself
fatally in the foot.

3 - Another remarkable woman who was also regent of the Netherlands but whose
tale, alas, I will not tell. I have to draw the line somewhere.

4 ­ Better known as Alexander, Lord of the dark Guelvesa

a ­ Unfairly so, in the opinion of the author. By Alexanderıs time, all
Florentines were more or less Guelvish. The Guelvesı ancient foesb had long
since vanished into the dustbin of historical irrelevance. However, there are
Guelves and there are Guelvesc. As far as most Florentines were concerned,
Alexander was definitely ³not one of our Guelves²

b - The Gerbillines, Italian German Imperialists with an unnatural
fondness for small rodents.

c ­ Historians usually divide the late period Guelves into three parts,
rather like Cĉsarıs Gaulsd: White Guelves who were rich, Black Guelves who were
noble, and Wood Guelves who wore funny hats and danced in the forest.

d ­ Despite this, Florentine mobs (who no doubt lacked a good classical
education) often divided rival Guelves into substantially more parts when given
the opportunity.

5 ­ ³sigh! That lip! That nose! Those invaluable political connections!²

6 ­ While, in the interests of romance, I have chosen to emphasise the most
romantic of the theories for Alessandroıs early but not untimely demise, I must,
in the interests of historical accuracy, point out that there were many others.
Alessandro (surprisingly for a Medici) had a very tenuous grasp on reality. Not
only did he marry and then ignore the Emperorıs daughter, he also appointed
Cosimo as his heir in the event of his dying without issue (and told him so!)
and he appears to have enjoyed playing footsie in his spare time with yet
another Mediciıs wife.

7 ­ He had obviously forgotten that Parmesans are traditionally tougher cheeses
than either their Spanish or their Dutch rivals.

8 ­ Being King of two countries confused Philip at times. He liked Spain ­
there he was absolute ruler enthroned as king by divine right. He didnıt like
the Netherlands ­ there he was technically a constitutional monarch subject to
various ordinances, charters, herebys, and etceteras. The Dutch, for some
reason, had always let Charles V rule as he felt fit and Philip thought they
were being a trifle unfair trying to insist on constitutionality now. To make
matters worse, each of the seventeen provinces had different charters,
wossnames, etceteras and wheretofores. The Spanish way of doing things was so
much simpler.

9 ­ Included among Philipıs more innovative ordinances was one unique piece of
creative jurisprudence, the universal death sentence. Philip decided that the
best way to stamp out heresy and treason in his northern provinces was to
sentence everyone in them to death apart from a short list of exceptions. For
some reason, Margaret found this command somewhat difficult to enforce.

10 - Philip had rather enjoyed being king consort in England during his youth
but after his wife died, the throne had passed to her younger sister. As the
new queen turned out to be a heretic and there were no other heirs, the Pope
offered England to Philip. As in all property disputes, possession is nine-
tenths of the law and Good Queen Bess was not particularly keen on being
evicted.

11 ­ The general synod of the Dutch Reformed Church is still undecided as to
whether this action constituted genuine diplomacy or a successful suicide
attempt.

12 ­ Although France and Spain were traditional enemies, the consensus in the
French court was that if King Philip wished to expend his men and matériel
beating the living daylights out of his richest provinces, who were they to stop
him?

13 - Among his first acts was the arrest and execution of his old friends, the
Counts of Egmont and Horn. He had intended to knock off the Prince of Orange
and the Count of Hoogstraaten at the same time but the former was visiting the
in-laws in Germany and the latter had shot himself (in the hand this time) and
was recuperating in Cologne.

14 - The Count of Mansfield had said some very rude things about the Spanish in
general and the Duke of Alva in particular in the not so distant past. He was
travelling to Parma for very serious health reasons.

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Copyright 1998 by Dr. Ian van Tets
Zoology department,
University of Cape Town,
Rondebosch, 7701
Republic of South Africa

Permission granted for republication in SCA-related publications, provided
author is credited and receives a copy.
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If this article is republished in a newsletter, I would appreciate a mention
that it was found in the Florilegium. -Stefan li Rous, editor.

<the end>