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humor-msg - 12/1/18

 

Period and SCA humor.

 

NOTE: See also the files: jokes-msg, SCA-dishes-art, dance-par-art,

jesters-msg, you-know-msg, F-Eng-Joke-Bk-art, An-SCA-History-art.

 

************************************************************************

NOTICE -

 

This file is a collection of various messages having a common theme that

I  have collected from my reading of the various computer networks. Some

messages date back to 1989, some may be as recent as yesterday.

 

This file is part of a collection of files called Stefan's Florilegium.

These files are available on the Internet at: http://www.florilegium.org

 

I  have done  a limited amount  of  editing. Messages having to do  with

seperate topics  were sometimes split into different files and sometimes

extraneous information was removed. For instance, the  message IDs  were

removed to save space and remove clutter.

 

The comments made in these messages are not necessarily my viewpoints. I

make  no claims  as  to the accuracy  of  the information  given  by the

individual authors.

 

Please  respect the time  and  efforts of  those who have written  these

messages. The  copyright status  of these messages  is  unclear  at this

time. If  information  is  published  from  these messages, please give

credit to the orignator(s).

 

Thank you,

   Mark S. Harris                  AKA:  Lord Stefan li Rous

   RSVE60 at email.sps.mot.com              stefan at florilegium.org

************************************************************************

 

From: Ioseph

Subj: Herald Hunting Season opens!

Date: 8 Dec 91

 

       KINGDOM OF ATENVELDT HERALD SEASON AND BAG LIMITS

**********************************************************************

 

1300.01   GENERAL

 

1.  Any person with a valid Atenveldt hunting license may harvest

     heralds.

 

2.  Taking of heralds with traps or deadfalls is permitted.  The

     use of rare books as bait is prohibited.

 

3.  Killing of heralds with a vehicle is prohibited.  If accidentally

     struck, remove dead herald to roadside and proceed to nearest car

     wash.

 

4.  It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest heralds from a snow

     machine, helicopter, or aircraft.

 

5.  It shall be unlawful to shout "newbie", "you -still- don't have a

     device?", or "free Perrier!" for the purpose of trapping heralds.

 

6.  It shall be unlawful to hunt heralds within 100 yards of BMW

     dealerships.

 

7.  It shall be unlawful to use sheep, young squires, $100 bills,

     bunny-fur bimbos, or newbies to attract heralds.

 

8.  It shall be unlawful to hunt heralds within 200 yards of

     Royal Court, Baronial Court, whorehouses, health spas, sheep

     ranches or used bookstores.

9.  If a herald is appointed to Corporate office, it shall be a

     felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.

 

10.  Stuffed or mounted heralds must have a state health department

     inspection for rabies and other vermin.

 

11.  It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a sheep,

     newbie, Tuchux, bunny-fur bimbo or tavern keeper for the purpose

     of hunting heralds.

 

12>  It shall be illegal to hunt any herald in actual performance of their

     duties.

 

BAG LIMITS

 

1.  Yellow Bellied Sidewinder                     2

2.  Two-faced Letter Writer                       1

3.  Common Back-stabber                           4

4.  Small-breasted Ball Buster (Female only)      3

5.  Big-mouthed Pub Gut                           2

6.  Honest Herald                           EXTINCT

7.  Cut-throat                                    2

  8. Back-stabbing Whiner                          2

9.  Brown-nosed Crown Kisser                      2

10.  Absent-Minded Device Loser          $100 BOUNTY

 

***********************************************************************

 

 

Date: 21 May 92

From: aryk at gpu.utcs.utoronto.ca (a.j.s. nusbacher)

Newsgroups: rec.org.sca

Organization: University of Toronto

 

mjc+ at cs.cmu.edu (Monica Cellio) writes:

>One problem with trying to use period humor is that so much of it is stale

>to our 20th century minds.  Has anyone done any work in bringing medieval

>humor to the SCA?

 

A lot of mediaeval humour is really gross.  Really really gross.

 

I used to tell a lot of Tyl Eulenspiegel stories at SCA events.  When a new

translation of a 16th century German book of Eulenspiegel stories was pub-

lished in about 1985, I eagerly read it for new (old) Tyl stories.  Aside

from a few really great ones (stop by at Pennsic and ask to hear about Tyl

Eulenspiegel and how he met the Pope), most of them were doo-doo jokes and

fart jokes.  Mostly pretty funny, but mostly really disgusting to modern

sensibilities. Some people would laugh, others would make barfing noises

(alas poor Yoooooorick!), and I would feel embarassed.

 

It's not that it's stale, it't that the stuff that isn't rarefied intellectual

stuff is often really earthy.

 

(If you want an example, get me half-drunk and ask me about Tyl Eulenspiegel

and the King of Poland's Jester).

 

Aryk Nusbacher

aryk at gpu.utcs.utoronto.ca

 

 

Subject: Tyl Eulenspiegel

Date: 25 May 92

From: aryk at gpu.utcs.utoronto.ca (a.j.s. nusbacher)

Newsgroups: rec.org.sca

Organization: University of Toronto * Universitas Torontoniensis

 

The book I referred to was:

 

        A Pleasant Vintage of Tyl Eulenspiegel born in the Country of Bruns-

        wick. How he spent his life.  95 of his tales.

 

        Translated from the edition of 1515, with Introduction and Critical

        Appendix, by Paul Oppenheimer.

 

        Wesleyan University Press, Middletown, Connecticut

 

        M.CM.lxxij

 

This is a direct transcription of the dust jacket, which is why it is in that

weird format instead of modern bibliographic notation:

 

Oppenheimer, Paul, trans.  _A Pleasant Vintage of Tyl Eulenspiegel_ etc.

        Middletown, Conn.:  Wesleyan University Press, 1972.

 

There is a more recent Eulenspiegel collection, though.  I'm looking for the

reference. This one is filled with all sorts of sophisticated, highbrow

mediaeval humour.

 

       Aryk Nusbacher                .. .. Celebrating the 20th Anniversary    

                                     ||_||  of Women Members of Hart House

 

 

Subj: Tyl Eulenspiegel_

Date: 26 May 92

From: karplus at cse.ucsc.edu (Kevin Karplus)

Newsgroups: rec.org.sca

 

Perhaps Aryk Nusbacher was looking for

 

Uniform title: Eulenspiegel (Satire). English.

Title:         Till Eulenspiegel : his adventures / translated, with

                introduction and notes, by Paul Oppenheimer. New York :

                Garland, 1991.

Description:   xcv, 214 p. : ill. ; 23 cm.

 

Series:        Garland library of medieval literature ; Series B v. 74.

 

Notes:         Translation of: Eulenspiegel.

              Includes bibliographical references (p. [lxxxv]-xcv).

 

Other entries: Oppenheimer, Paul.

              Garland library of medieval literature ; v. 74.

 

 

Or perhaps the children's book

 

Author:        Janisch, Heinz.

Uniform title: Till Eulenspiegel. English.

Title:         The merry pranks of Till Eulenspiegel / illustrated by Lisbeth

                Zwerger ; translated by Anthea Bell. Saxonville, MA : Picture

                Book Studio, c1990.

Description:   [22] p. : col. ill. ; 25 cm.

 

Notes:         Translation of: Till Eulenspiegel.

              Cover title: Till Eulenspiegel.

              Additional cover title: Till Eulenspiegel's Merry

Pranks.

              "A Michael Neugebauer book."

              Unfolds the life of the merry prankster Till, from his rowdy

                infancy to his final joke at his own funeral.

 

Other entries: Zwerger, Lisbeth.

             Bell, Anthea.

              Till Eulenspiegel.

              Till Eulenspiegel's merry pranks.

 

Knud Kaukinen                             Kevin Karplus

inactive in the West                     teaching at UC Santa Cruz

 

 

Newsgroups: rec.org.sca

From: nsmca at aurora.alaska.edu

Subject: Society Jokes?

Organization: University of Alaska Fairbanks

Date: Sun, 2 May 1993 06:39:25 GMT

 

Society joke (pardon is requested if it offends anyone):

 

How many knights does it take to light a candle?

 

None, Knights do there best work at night.

(pun on the word knight and not ref: sex).

 

How many knights does it take to light a candle?

None, that is what pages and squires are for.

 

The Phule strikes again.

 

 

Newsgroups: rec.org.sca

From: tbarnes at silver.ucs.indiana.edu (thomas wrentmore barnes)

Subject: Re: Society Jokes?

Organization: Indiana University

Date: Fri, 7 May 1993 22:50:45 GMT

 

On a related note:

 

How many squires does it take to change a candle?

 

It depends who's watching...

 

How many Pelicans does it take to change a candle?

 

1. Just one, but it takes years and years of hard work and dedication.

 

2. None, It's O.K. I'll just sit here in the dark...

 

Lothar.

 

 

From: dgreen at thor (David Greenebaum)

Newsgroups: rec.org.sca

Subject: Re: Society Jokes?

Date: 7 May 1993 23:57:25 GMT

 

>How many Pelicans does it take to change a candle?

>1. Just one, but it takes years and years of hard work and dedication.

>2. None, It's O.K. I'll just sit here in the dark...

 

3. ONE!  I can DO IT MYSELF!!  I don't need ANY HELP, OK?!!!!

 

--------------------- Bjalfi Thordharson/College of St. Katherine/Province of

|\ | |\  |\  |// |       the Mists/Principality of the Mists/West Kingdom

| > | |\\ | \ |/  |   David Greenebaum/University of California/Berkeley, CA

|<  | | \ |   |   |   dgreen at athena.berkeley.edu, dgreen at garnet.berkeley.edu

| > | |   |   |   |

|/ | |   |   |   |   "I make mistakes, but I am on the side of good -- by

--------------------- accident and happenchance." -- the Golux

 

 

From: corun at access.digex.net (Corun MacAnndra)

Newsgroups: rec.org.sca

Subject: Re: Society Jokes?

Date: 8 May 1993 08:54:16 -0400

Organization: Express Access Online Communications, Greenbelt, MD USA

 

And then there's the ubiquitous.....

 

How many Tuchux does it take to light a candle?

 

Three. One to hold the gasoline....... ;-)

 

In service,

Corun

===========================================================================

   Corun MacAnndra    |          A free society is one

Dark Horde by birth  |    where it is safe to be unpopular.

   Moritu by choice   |                        A. Stevenson

 

 

Newsgroups: rec.org.sca

From: AYLWIN at HOLONET.NET

Subject: Re: Society Jokes?

Organization: HoloNet National Internet Access System: 510-704-1058/modem

Date: Mon, 10 May 1993 12:29:45 GMT

 

   After numerous lightbulb jokes...

 

   One fair afternoon, the King and one of his knights were sitting in

the shade, arguing about sex. His Majesty proposed that it was 50% work,

and 50% pleasure, while the knight maintained that sex was 30% work, and

70% pleasure.

   Finally, the knight said, "Your Majesty, allow me to offer a solution

to our debate. I will call my squire, who is a wise young man, and we

will ask him to decide."

   The King agreed, and so the squire was called. After listening to the

arguments, he realized the precariousness of his position. No matter

what he said, he would either offend his Lord or his King.

   The squire thought hard upon the matter, and said, finally, "Your

Majesty, my knight, I believe that sex is no work, and 100% fun."

   The two were taken aback by this calm declaration, and his knight

asked the squire how he had reached such a conclusion.

   "Well, my Lord, if sex involved any work, you would have me do it..."

 

Sir Aylwin the Flamehaired

Barony of Sentinels' Keep / Artemisia

Atenveldt

 

   Who thanks His Lordship Aldwin Longwalker for first tell *him* the

joke...

 

 

From: dgreen at athena (David Greenebaum)

Newsgroups: rec.org.sca

Subject: Re: Society Jokes

Date: 6 May 1993 17:34:51 GMT

 

How many Norsemen does it take to light a candle?

 

Why bother with a candle?  There's a monastery just over the next hill.

 

--------------------- Bjalfi Thordharson/College of St. Katherine/Province of

|\ | |\  |\  |// |       the Mists/Principality of the Mists/West Kingdom

| > | |\\ | \ |/  |   David Greenebaum/University of California/Berkeley, CA

|<  | | \ |   |   |   dgreen at athena.berkeley.edu, dgreen at garnet.berkeley.edu

| > | |   |   |   |

|/ | |   |   |   |   "I make mistakes, but I am on the side of good -- by

--------------------- accident and happenchance." -- the Golux

 

 

From: mack at rathe.cs.umn.edu (Mack Read-Mackenzie)

Newsgroups: rec.org.sca

Subject: re: Society Jokes

Date: 7 May 93 15:58:22 GMT

Organization: Rathe, Inc.

 

A mental lapse from Corwyn -

 

Knights:

        What is the difference between an Ansteoran Knight, a Caidan Knight, and a

        Middle Kingdom Knight?

 

        Well if said Knight is standing on a railroad track, and a freight train is

        rumbling directly at him:

 

               The Ansteorran Knight would plant himself and take the charge on his

               shield...

 

               The Caidan Knight would avoid the charge and then hit it from behind

               afterwards...

 

               The Middle Kingdom Knight would turn his back and refuse eye contact...

 

 

Laurels:

        How many Laurels does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

        None. The Laurelate has decided that it isn't really ready to be changed

        yet. Perhaps in another year the quality of its light will have deepened

        and matured.

 

 

Pelicans:

        How many Pelicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

        Just one, but with years of hard, unceasing effort where everyone can see.

 

 

Sorry... (but not very!)

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

 

--

Sir Corwyn ap Rhys Greyrider,

From the Barony of Nordskogen

In the newly created Crown Principality of Northshield

In the MIDDLE KINGDOM.

MKA: K. R. Read-Mackenzie (rathe!mack at cs.umn.edu)

 

 

From: del at babel.DIALix.oz.au (D Elson)

Newsgroups: rec.org.sca

Subject: Society Jokes

Date: Sat, 08 May 93 01:19:28 GMT

 

Q: How many laurels does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, light bulbs aren't period.

 

Q: How many laurels does it take to blow out a candle?

A: None, that's a pelican's job.

 

Q: How many knights does it take to blow out a candle?

A: One, but the candle must be sure to accept the blow.

 

Del

-----------------------------------+-------------------------------------

D Elson                            |  del at DIALix.oz.au del at adied.oz.au

-----------------------------------+-------------------------------------

 

 

Newsgroups: rec.org.sca

From: gary at sci34hub.sci.com (Gary Heston)

Subject: Re: Society Jokes

Organization: SCI Systems, Inc., Huntsville, Al.

Date: Thu, 13 May 1993 04:00:10 GMT

 

>In article <9305100848.aa03750 at msi8500.micros.com> mike at micros.COM (Michael J. Lonski) writes:

>>Q: How many Byzantines does it take to change a lightbulb?

>> 

>>A: Three, one to change the light bulb and one to confuse the issue.  :):):)

 

Q: How many Hordesmen does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: <SMASH!> What light bulb?

 

--

Gary Heston    SCI Systems, Inc.  gary at sci34hub.sci.com   site admin

The Chairman of the Board and the CFO speak for SCI. I'm neither.

Hestons' First Law: I qualify virtually everything I say.

 

 

From: sbraslau at uhunix.uhcc.hawaii.EDU (Stacy Braslau-Schneck)

Newsgroups: rec.org.sca

Subject: A riddle in gratitude

Date: 19 May 1993 07:01:00 -0400

 

Greetings to all of you gathered upon this bridge, from Adira in Western Seas

Not long ago I had the pleasure of finally attending my first event, after it

seemed that there was a curse laid upon me that I should not (the dolphins

tried to interfere but could only take up a small portion of the morning).

Although I was not able to spend much time there I did thoroughly enjoy

myself.

In celebration, and in gratitude to all of you here who sustained me in my

Dream while I was unable to attend a real event, I offer the riddle below.

It

is from _A Feast of Creatures: Anglo-Saxon Riddle-Songs_, by Craig

Williamson (1982), which I will soon need to return to the library, but I

enjoyed the 20 minutes or so I had of it.

I am a strange creature shaped for battle,

Coated in colors, dear to my lord.

Bright thread lurks and swings in my mail,

Cradles the death-gem, gift of a lord

Who grips and guides my body forward

Through the wide rush of war.  In the clear

Court of day, I bear the glint of gold,

Bright song of smiths.  Often I slay

Soul-bearers with thrust and slash.

Sometimes the hall-king decks me in silver

Or garnet praise, raises my power

Where men drink mead, reigns my killing

Or cuts me loose, hear-keen, swing-tired,

Through the broad room of war.  Sometimes I sing

Through the throat of a friend - the curse

Of weapons.  No son will seek vengeance

On my slayer when battle-foes ring death.

My tribe will not count children of mine

Unless I lordless leave the guardian

Who gave me rings.  My fate is strange:

If I follow my lord and wage war,

Sure thrust of a prince's pleasure,

Then I must stroke in bridless play

Without the hope of child-treasure.

I am bound by an ancient craft to lose

That joy - so in sheer celibacy I enjoy

The hoard of heroes.  Wrapped with wire

Like a bright fool, I frustrate a woman,

Steal her joy, slake desire. She rants,

Rails, curses, claps hands, chants

Unholy incantations - bladed words

In a bloodless battle I cannot enjoy.

Who am I?

------------------------------------------------------------------

For those of you who asked of the SCA in Hawaii, I cannot yet offer you

complete measure, yet when my friend and I approached the encampment

we were immediately welcomed and introduced to the Baroness, and stood

by for court.  We witnessed a fine archery competition and the preparations

for Tourney but needed to leave before it could begin.  The group seems

friendly and welcoming.  My only wonder is how they manage to survive in

garb in Hawaii's weather!

My thanks to all of you who keep this bridge interesting and alive!

Adira

 

Newsgroups: rec.org.sca

From: pavao at cae.wisc.edu (Pavao Aaron)

Subject: Riddle me, again

Organization: U of Wisconsin-Madison College of Engineering

Date: 2 Jun 93 02:15:57 CDT

 

Greetings, goode Gentles, all!

 

        Riddles are more than diversions.  Riddles can make people think.

 

        Just for the fun of it, I've been making up some riddles.  I'd like to

make it a bit of a contest to see who can E-mail me the correct answer the most

swiftly, just for fun.

 

        If you feel that rec.org.sca is not the place for riddles, I'll be

happy to explain now why I post them here.  I hope that some of my riddles

provoke some thought, perhaps to some people who do not otherwise feel they

have the time to think in such ways.  If you feel that riddles are not

appropriate for this bridge, I would listen to your arguements via E-mail.

 

        The answer to my first riddle,

 

>A mayor, a judge,

>A salute, a knight,

>Lost to a lover,

>Won in a fight.

 

        was, indeed, "honour," and was first answered correctly by Lord Thorn,

Joseph's Son.  He shall receive one point.

 

        Feel free to play or to press 'n' as you like.

 

Riddle me, riddle me,

A crafty rhyme,

Riddle me, riddle me,

A crafty time,

 

The first as it should be,

The askance at bed,

The thought is returning,

The anger has fled.

 

A riddle, a whim,

An answer is sought,

Can ye solve the riddle

My mind has wrought?

 

-> Chandler

 

SCA: Chandler Greyfeathre

MKA: Aaron Pavao

NET: pavao at cae.wisc.edu

 

 

Newsgroups: rec.org.sca

From: pavao at cae.wisc.edu (Pavao Aaron)

Subject: Re: riddle me

Organization: U of Wisconsin-Madison College of Engineering

Date: 13 Jun 93 14:50:36 CDT

 

kate at Micor.OCUnix.on.ca (Kate Sanderson) writes:

>So, Chandler, what WAS the answer to the first one???

>Kasia

 

        Well, if I have my order right, the first riddle's answer was

'Honour' and the second's was 'Forgiveness.'  There's a third one (and a pretty

tough one, if I do say so myself) floating about unanswered as well.

 

        The answer to each riddle will be given in the riddle following it.

Each riddle will be posted as fast as they are answered.  Unless nobody can

figure one out.  Then I might just skip it and give a new one.  And give the

answer. Maybe.

 

-> Chandler

 

SCA: Chandler Greyfeathre

MKA: Aaron Pavao

NET: pavao at cae.wisc.edu

 

 

From: hjfeld at acs.bu.edu (harold feld)

Newsgroups: rec.org.sca

Subject: Re: riddle me

Date: 14 Jun 93 12:34:16 GMT

Organization: Boston University, Boston, MA, USA

 

For the good lord Chandler, and whoever else wishes to play, I offer

a few riddles of my own.

 

pavao at cae.wisc.edu (Pavao Aaron) writes:

> kate at Micor.OCUnix.on.ca (Kate Sanderson) writes:

>>So, Chandler, what WAS the answer to the first one???

>> 

>>Kasia

>      Well, if I have my order right, the first riddle's answer was

>'Honour' and the second's was 'Forgiveness.'  There's a third one (and a pretty

>tough one, if I do say so myself) floating about unanswered as well.

>      The answer to each riddle will be given in the riddle following it.

>Each riddle will be posted as fast as they are answered.  Unless nobody can

>figure one out.  Then I might just skip it and give a new one.  And give the

>answer. Maybe.

>-> Chandler

>SCA: Chandler Greyfeathre

>MKA: Aaron Pavao

>NET: pavao at cae.wisc.edu

 

1) I am that great treasure, a gift of God, that without me men whither

and die.  Wise men seek me in vain, armies lay waste to lands

in my name, but the poorest may own me with no fear of robbery.

Who am I?

 

The next two are based on the legends of the Jews:

 

1) A sweet smellin myrtle, hidden by a veil, untill that moment

when the enemy revealed, the myrtle grows a tree fifty cubits

high, and the Jews thus saved, now tell me who am I?

 

2) Made in twilight on the sixth day of creation/

   I saved my master to my master's vexation.

   Who am I?

 

3) I saw the sun for just one day

   the Jew's to aid and their foes to slay

   And the meanest, lowest servant vile

   Saw visions greater than the Chariot of Fire

   What am I?

 

Yaakov

 

 

Newsgroups: rec.org.sca

From: pavao at cae.wisc.edu (Pavao Aaron)

Subject: Riddle me...

Organization: U of Wisconsin-Madison College of Engineering

Date: 21 Jun 93 23:25:48 CDT

 

To All Goode Gentles, and Some Bad Ones, Greetings!

 

        Wow. Looks like nobody liked my last riddle.  It was:

 

One on the left,

And one on the right,

The first one is walked on,

The last is a fright.

 

        A hint first, then the answer.  The 'first' and 'last' mentioned in

the last two lines is talking about sylables.  What gets walked on?  Ground,

floor, path, old friends, hmm.  The last is a fright?  Fear?  Blades?  Death?

Think Rialto threads.  "Outlandish at Outlandish."  Teens!  The answer:

"Florentine." One weapon in the left hand, one weapon in the right hand, first

sylable "flor," last sylable "tine" pronounced "teen." Admittedly, it would

take a small leap to get it, but that what riddles are for.

 

        And now...

 

Riddle me, riddle me,

A crafty rhyme,

Riddle me, riddle me,

A crafty time,

 

Eggs of gold,

In trees they hide,

Eggs with many

Yolks inside.

 

A riddle, a whim,

An answer is sought,

Can ye slove the riddle

My mind has wrought?

 

        That one should be considerably easier.  And don't be afraid of being

wrong, folks, 'tis better to be wrong than silent.  I'll give you a point for

trying (and a bonus point if you're right.  And another point if you're the

first to be right).

 

Yours in Service to the Dream,

-> Chandler

 

SCA: Chandler Greyfeathre

MKA: Aaron Pavao

NET: pavao at cae.wisc.edu

 

 

From: fnklshtn at ACFcluster.NYU.EDU

Newsgroups: rec.org.sca

Subject: Re: Hospitals

Date: 9 Feb 1994 04:30:00 GMT

Organization: New York University, NY, NY

 

In article <1994Feb7.162728.6773 at news.brandonu.ca>, chackowsky at news.brandonu.ca writes:

>Hello, SCA

>Can anyone here point the way to any online documents concerning the

>establishment, running, and dark, secret inner workings of hospitals during the

>late middle ages (c.1500)? Or perhaps you've some tales to tell?

 

In my travels I have heard of a certain "doctor" who thought he could cure

lunacy.

His method consisted of immersing the unfortunate in a pit filled with wastes.

Depending on the degree of insanity, the poor fool would be immersed deeper or

more shalowly.

One of these "patients" was standing in his pit, immersed to the waist, when he

saw a nobleman out hunting.

The fool began to question the nobleman, the noble amused himself by answering.

"What is this?"

"My hunting saddle."

"What are they?"

"Hunting dogs"

"And this?"

"A crossbow."

"Do these things cost much?"

"My hunting gear costs me about 100 Shilings per year."

"And what do you do with these things?"

"I ride about the swamps and forests chasing after dangerous beasts."

"And this hunting, how much pay do you receive for what you catch?"

"I do not receive pay for it, but, if I had to place a price, I may save a

couple of Shilings per year on the food."

"My friend," said the fool, "You must run from here with all haste!"

"Why"

"Because the doctor is returning, and if I'm immersed to my waist, hearing what

I have heard, the doctor will surely immerse you to your neck!"

 

Shalom,

Nahum

 

 

From: ansteorra at eden.com (6/16/95)

To: ansteorra at eden.com

RE>Interkingdom A&S

 

On the class list for Interkingdom A&S:

>Cauldron Cooking

 

This is my Atlantean mistress's recipe for "Cauldron Puddle" (that's

the Lost Continent of Atlantis as in glug-glug, not the Kingdom of

Atlantia; she has an unbroken oral chain of pagan rites handed down

from the proto-Druids -- but I digress):

 

Kill one large adult male cauldron.  Do not take a female; the

population needs to recover (notice how few cauldrons there are

around?). One male cauldron can mate with several females, producing

many tin cans (the larval forms).

 

Hang the cauldron under eaves like a pheasant (or peasant).  Allow to

"season" (rust) for several months (less in Trimaris and Meridies;

hose it down daily in Atenveldt and Caid).

 

Ignite one large blowtorch -- acetyline works well, producing a lovely

tang (no metalworking pun intended).  Play flame over cauldron,

suspended over a large flat rock, basting with motor oil, until

cauldron has melted into a puddle.  Drizzle it over the flat rock for

lace cakes, or in small puddles for cookies.

 

Serve warm to Duke Jonathan the Robo-Duke, professionally-trained

stunt heralds with iron constitutions, and such.  One large adult male

serves 4.

 

Respectfully submitted,

   Daniel de Lincoln, currently running a fever

--

                           Tim McDaniel

                           tmcd at crl.com

 

 

From: ansteorra at eden.com (10/27/95)

To: ansteorra at eden.com

sca-lochac A Yeast Laurel's Drinking Manual.

 

Forwarded from Lochac list:

>___________________________________________________________________

>                 A Yeast Laurel's Drinking Manual

>      Original is an Urban Myth, Modifications by Drake Morgan.

>               Thanks for Katryn of the Forest

>                 and Meliora DiCurci for their help      

>___________________________________________________________________

>                       Disclaimer:

>The Author of this work is clinically insane and therefore is not

>responsible for this work.  He is not a yeast laurel, not a laurel

>(or a peer) of any kind and after this is certainly won't have a

>snowball's chance in hell of becoming one anyway.

>___________________________________________________________________

>SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is

>         unusually pale and clear.

>FAULT:   Drinking Horn Empty.

>ACTION: Find the Autocrat and complain about the consumables until

>      He/She gives you another beer.

>SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, and the front

>         of your doublet is wet.

>FAULT:   Mouth not open when drinking or drinking horn is applied to

>         wrong part of face.

>ACTION: Buy another beer and practice in front of a glassy lake.

>         Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.

>SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.

>FAULT:   Tankard being held at incorrect angle.

>ACTION: Turn tankard other way up so that open end points toward

>         ceiling.

>SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.

>FAULT:   Improper bladder control.

>ACTION: Go stand next to nearest Squire. After a while, complain to

>         their Knight about their Squire's lack of house training

>         and demand a beer as compensation.

>SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.

>FAULT:   You are looking through bottom of empty glass.

>ACTION: Find someone who will give you another beer and ask why

>         it was in a glass in the first place, as they're not

>         period.

>SYMPTOM: Floor swaying.

>FAULT:   Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to court/

>         bardic circle/peerage meeting in progress.

>ACTION: Insert rattan length down back of doublet.

>SYMPTOM: Room Spinning.

>FAULT:       Your probably doing the bear dance.

>ACTION: Collapse and ask the populace, "What are they doing to

>      the trees".  Some Knight will take pity on you, sit you

>         down and hand you a drinking horn.  If the room is still

>      spinning, stop drinking or keep drinking until it stops.

>SYMPTOM: Floor moving.

>FAULT:   You are being carried out.

>ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another feast.  If

>         not, complain loudly to the autocrat that you are being

>         kidnapped.

>SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling beams with banners

>         hanging away from it.

>FAULT:   You have fallen over backward.

>ACTION: If your tankard is full and no one is standing on your

>         drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help you

>         get up; lash self to nearest pelican.

>SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of hedgehogs and almonds.

>FAULT:   You have fallen forward.

>ACTION: See above.

>SYMPTOM: Everything his gone dim, your face is lying on something soft.

>FAULT:   You have fallen forward in court.

>ACTION: Apologise to the King and Queen and make some excuse about not

>         being a costume laurel.

>SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark.

>FAULT:   The Feast has finished.

>ACTION: Panic.

>SYMPTOM: You can't spell "Mead" for your A&S Entry.

>FAULT:   If you feel a compulsion to enter an A&S competition

>         then it's time to stop drinking permenantly and ring

>         the funny farm.

>ACTION: You can spell "Beer" instead.  Laurels can't tell the

>         difference between Mead and Beer anyway.

>SYMPTOM: You awaken to find your bed hard, cold and wet.  You cannot

>         see anything in your bedroom.

>FAULT:   You have spent the night in the gutter.

>ACTION: Ring your Chronicller and check if another feast is on.

>         If not, treat yourself to a lie-in.

>Complements of.....

>Drake Morgan.

>--------------------------------------------------------------------------

>|Email: drake.morgan at caa.gov.au|              EMAIL Warning!!!            |

>|   PH: (06) 2685099 (BH)      |                                          |

>|       (06) 2545496 (AH)      | Replies Bounce! Send msg. from scratch!  |

>--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

Newsgroups: rec.org.sca

From: djheydt at kithrup.com (Dorothy J Heydt)

Subject: Re: Period contraception

Organization: Kithrup Enterprises, Ltd.

Date: Thu, 30 Sep 2004 20:24:13 GMT

 

In article <10loocq7vmqn806 at corp.supernews.com>,

Ted Eisenstein  <alban at socket.net> wrote:

>> No, but the Graeco-Roman New Comedy is. The courtesan always turns out to

>> be some well-to-do family's exposed daughter.

>You know, that also sounds like the typical Gilbert and Sullivan

>operetta. . .

>Alban, wondering if there's really been any changes in plotlines over

>the last 2500 years <grin>

 

My take, as an amateur, is that there hasn't.  On the other hand, the way these plots are expressed can change widely.  The comedies of Plautus had to be massively rewritten (no plot changes, just dialogue modernized) to produce _A Funny Thing Happened To Me On the Way To the Forum._  And I once saw a production of the famous Elizabethan comedy _Ralph Roister Doister_, unfunniest thing you ever saw.  _The Knight of the Burning Pestle,_ however, managed to be funny with few or no changes.

 

Dorothea of Caer-Myrddin                         Dorothy J. Heydt

Mists/Mists/West                               Albany, California

PRO DEO ET REGE                               djheydt at kithrup.com

 

 

From: "celia" <c_a_blay at hotmail.com>

Newsgroups: soc.history.medieval

Subject: Lying for the Whetstone

Date: 16 Jul 2006 08:40:35 -0700

 

One of the more enigmatic objects found in a princely

early Anglo Saxon grave at Sutton Hoo was a ceremonial

whetstone or sceptre. Topped with a bronze stag standing

in a metal circle its meaning has been the subject of much debate.

 

Much later in the Middle Ages Bishop Porteus had a

ceremonial whetstone displayed above his dining room

fireplace in the Bishop's Palace at Fulham. How he came

by it takes us back to an old Whitsun custom

celebrated in England since at least the early 14th c.

 

As Bishop Porteus stopped to change horses one Whitsun

at Coggeshall in Essex he noticed that there were an

unusual number of people gathered around the inn.

Enquiring of one of the crowd what was going on

he was told that it was their custom at Whitsun to

compete for a whetstone by seeing who could tell

the tallest story.

 

  Horrified at this intelligence the Bishop immediately

preached a sermon on the sin of lying concluding it

by roundly declaring that he had never told a lie in his life.

  After putting their heads together and conferring

for a few seconds the contests judges walked to the carriage

and, as they gave the bishop the whetstone, said,

"My Lord, we award you the prize"

 

Back with the previous threads on urology and quacks

and riding backwards, in 1382 Roger Clerk was paraded through London

holding the tail of his horse 'and with two urinals

called 'jordans' in the vernacular tied around his neck

together with a whetstone' *

 

John Watt, who sold false pardons suffered a

similar punishment as did John de Hakford in 1364

who after a years prison sentence was condemned to

stand in the pillory each quarter with a whetstone

round his neck, 'the sign of a false liar'*

 

So perhaps the Sutton Hoo whetstone is not a religious

object or a royal sceptre but the proud proof that

the grave's occupant was rather better at lying than

his fellows !

  Who can say.

 

*cited Malcolm Jones The Secret Middle Ages

 

  Celia

 

 

Date: Wed, 06 Jan 2010 12:44:53 -0500

From: Johnna Holloway <johnnae at mac.com>

To: Cooks within the SCA <sca-cooks at lists.ansteorra.org>,       Creating

        period spits <spit-project at lists.ansteorra.org>

Subject: [Sca-cooks] Hares Roasting a Hunter, 16th century

 

Came across this engraving and thought the list might like it.

 

Virgil Solis, artist

German, 1514 - 1562

Hares Roasting a Hunter, 16th century

Engraving

 

http://search3.famsf.org:8080/view.shtml?record=60692

 

It does illustrate a spit after all.

 

Numerous other illustrations by this artist

http://search.famsf.org:8080/search.shtml?keywords=solis

 

Johnnae llyn Lewis

 

 

To: Gleann Abhann <gleannabhann at yahoogroups.com>

Subject: An SCA Comedie!

Posted by: "randlerodgers" randlerodgers at yahoo.com randlerodgers

Date: Fri Apr 8, 2011 8:50 am ((PDT))

 

The King was visiting a children's class at Pennsic, where they were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

 

The teacher asked the King if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy," so, His Illustrious Majesty asked the class for an example of a tragedy.

 

One little boy stood up and offered, "If my best friend, who lives next door, was playing in the street and a cart came along and ran over him, that would be a tragedy."

 

"No," said His Majesty, "That would be an accident."

 

A little girl stood up and said, "If a chartered bus carrying fifty people going to Lilies War drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy."

 

"I'm afraid not," explained the Royal, "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

 

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. The King searched the group. "Isn't there anyone who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

 

Finally, way in the back of the room, a small Mongol boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice, he said, "If the Royal Thrones, with the Crown and the BoD, were suddenly blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

 

"Fantastic," exclaimed the King, "That's right. And can you tell us WHY that would be a tragedy?"

 

"Well," said the boy, "Because it wouldn't be an accident and it certainly wouldn't be any great loss."

 

<end>



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