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"On Demaundes Joyous, the First English Joke Book" by Baroness Anys Blodwell (aka Blod).

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This article was first published in the August AS 53 Cockatrice.

On Demaundes Joyous, the First English Joke Book

by Baroness Anys Blodwell (aka Blod)

Baroness Annys Blodwell In 1511, Wynkyn de Worde published a book of riddles in English, called The Demaundes Joyous. This has been described as the first joke book published in English.

While riddles have a long history, this seems to be the first collection with an emphasis on humour. It is also the first time we see jokes in the now familiar pattern of question and answer, given here as 'Demaunde' (demand) and 'Rx' (shorthand for response). They are still framed in the form of logic puzzles, rather than simple word play, and what is interesting is the comparative lack of puns, which form the basis of much of the humour in modern riddle collections.

Jokes rely on a common understanding to work - no joke really survives being explained. This means that many of these jokes don't seem funny today, mostly because we don't have the common cultural experiences and expectations of people in the late 15th and early 16th centuries. For example, 15 (arguably 16) of the jokes rely on an understanding of the Christian faith that comes from regular Church attendance and adherence to the religious holidays, but not from reading the bible, nor having it available in English, instead relying on a culture of religious stories.

Some are so far removed from our common modern experience that the joke at first makes no sense. For example, riddle number 38:

Demaunde. Wherfore is it that an asse hathe so grete eyres.

Rx. Bycause het moder put no begyn on her heed in her yought.

D: What is the reason that an ass has such great ears?

Rx: Because her mother never put a bonnet on her head when she was young.

At first, this doesn't seem to make any sense. But as late as the Edwardian era, there were still adverts for "infant caps" that had panels to cover a child's ears, which claimed that by using these caps when the child slept, any tendency for the ears to stick out would be restricted and the ears would grow to be small and lie close to the head. We no longer have the idea that failure to make a child wear a constrictive coif or bonnet will directly lead to them having large, sticking-out ears as adults, and so the joke makes little sense.

Moreover, there are many things we think we know about the past that are actually the result of factually incorrect artifacts of film and literature, and these misapprehensions mean we completely fail to understand the joke. Take, for example, number 27:

Demaunde. What wode is it that ne reste vpon.

Rx. The claper of a lazers dysshe.

D: What wood is it that is never rested on?
Rx: The clapper of a leper's dish.

This doesn't seem to make sense – how does a dish have a clapper? We get that there is something to do with distaste for lepers and reluctance to touch their belongings, but fail to find any meaning in this.

But if you know that the stereotype of lepers carrying hand-bells to warn people of their presence is wrong, it begins to make some sense. From film we've absorbed the idea that lepers wandered about ringing hand-bells and calling "Unclean! Unclean". But metal bells, especially of the well-formed kind required to make a hand-bell, are expensive and unlikely to actually be used by beggars. What they did use was something called a clapper- dish, that is a wooden bowl with a lid, that would be clapped together to give warning of the leper's approach. In filmic terms, a leper is more likely to look and sound like Patsy from 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail', clapping coconut halves together.

Now the joke makes sense, with multiple layers of meaning: not only does it refer to the lack of desire to 'rest upon' a wooden bowl a leper eats out of, it also references the clapping of the lid on the bowl, making it impossible to sleep, and the continuous nature of that action. It makes sense, but as stated before, it's hard to laugh when the joke has to be explained.

And this is the major drawback when researching period humour – if you have to puzzle out the meaning, the joke gets lost. Comedy really does rely on timing, and part of that is that your audience gets the joke at the right point. If your audience doesn't really understand, or has to think it through, shifting their expectations of "normal", the joke falls flat. So for the SCA, is this collection really worth anything more than a historical curiosity?

Well, yes. I was surprised at how many of these I recognised. Numbers 4, 6, 18, 22, 32, 36, 42 and 44 are all in modern joke books in my personal collection – in an updated form, but still recognisably the same joke. These jokes, and the others that I still found funny today, tended fell into a category that could be described as "Dad jokes" – jokes that are as likely to make you groan as to laugh. Moreover, the majority of the "Demaundes" are still easily understood, in the modern English 'translation' at least: numbers 9-21, 23-26, 28-31, 35, 43, 45 and 53 are easily understood, and reasonably assured of getting at least a groan if not a laugh.

There is some clumsiness in the wording that doesn't sit well with modern ideas of how a joke should sound. In several instances, the punch line is explained, in others, to modern ears the wording falls a little flat. Take, for example, my favourite joke from this collection:

Demaunde. Who was he that lete the fyrst farte at rome.

Rx. That was the arse.

D: Who let loose the first fart in Rome?
Rx: That was the arse.

While I admit that this did make me giggle when I first read it, the phrasing isn't ideal for retelling. When I tell this joke, I tend to reword it to something like:

Q: When Lochac first became a Kingdom, who let off the first fart?

A: Oh, some arsehole.

It's the same joke, but the pacing and the word structure better fits modern expectations of how jokes sound. I've found most of the jokes that are still easily understood benefit from not tying myself too closely to the original wording, and because the humour is situational rather than heavily dependent on word-play and puns, it's reasonably easy to do.

I was surprised at how little pure word-play there is in this collection. Modern riddles are largely based on puns, but only 53 is definitively based on punning. I don't think this is because puns were not used for comedy value – certainly Chaucer was using puns a little over a hundred years earlier, and Shakespeare's works, written barely a hundred years later, is laden with them. I suspect it has more to do with the idea of what a riddle is. Even though these are, in the main, humorous, they are still fundamentally logic puzzles, able to be solved by a process of careful analysis and lateral thinking. Demaundes Joyous is the first step we have evidence of, moving riddles from their logic-puzzle past, to their present comedic form.

Bibliography

· The Demaundes Joyous – author unknown. Wynkyn de Worde, London 1511. Scanned copy sourced from the Early English Books Online collection, the original held in the University of Cambridge Library.
Compact Edition of the Greater Oxford English Dictionary. Oxford University Press, 1971.

· Jones, Terry & Alan Ereira, Crusades. (BBC Books, 1994.)

· Liggett, Arline & John Liggett, The Tyranny of Beauty. (Gollancz, 1989.)

· Whiting, Julie, 'The Ageless Fun of Riddles - A book from the past reveals our shared sense of humour'. National Library of Australia website, accessed 1 November 2016 - https://www.nla.gov.au/blogs/behind-the-scenes/2016/11/01/the-ageless-fun-of- riddles

· With thanks to Dr Tom Burton, Emeritus Professor of English at the University of Adelaide, for his invaluable help.

Appendix: The Demaundes

Demaunde. Who bare ye best burden that euer was borne.

Rx. That bare ye asse wham our lady fled with our lorde in to egypte.

D: Who bore the best burden that was ever born?

Rx. The ass who bore our Lady when she fled with our Lord into Egypt.

Demaunde. Where became ye asse that our lady rode upon.

Rx. Adams moder dede ete her.

D: What happened to the ass that our Lady rode upon?

Rx. Adam’s mother ate her.

Demaunde. Who was Adams moder.

Rx. The erthe.

D: Who was Adam’s mother?

Rx. The earth.

Demaunde. What space is from ye hyest space of the se to the depest.

Rx. But a stones cast

D: What is the distance from the highest point of the sea to the deepest?

Rx. A stone’s throw.

Demaunde. Whan autecryst is come in to this worlde what thynge shall be hardest to hym to knowe.

Rx. A hande barowe for of that he shall not knowe whiche ende shall goo before.

D: When the Anti-Christ is come into the world, what thing will be the hardest for him to understand?

Rx. A handbarrow, for he won’t know which end should go first.1

Demaunde. How many calues tayles behoueth to reche frome the erthe to the skye.

Rx. Nomore but one & it be longe ynough.

D: How many calves’ tails does it take to reach from the earth to the sky?

Rx. Only one, if it is long enough.

Demaunde. How many holy dayes be there in the yere ye neuerfall on the sondayes.

Rx. There be eyght that is to were ye thre holy dayes after Eester. iii. after whytsondaye the holy ascencyon daye and corpus crysty daye.

D: How many holy days are there in the year that never fall on Sunday?

Rx. Eight; the three holy days after Easter, three after Whitsun, Ascension day and Corpus Christi.

Demaunde. Whiche ben ye trulyest tolde thynges in the worlde.

Rx. Those be ye steyres of chambres and houses.

D: What be the truest told things in the world.

Rx. They are the stairs of chambers and houses.2

Demaunde. Whiche parte of a sergeaunte loue ye best to warde you.

Rx. His heles.

D: Which part of a sergeant at arms do you best like facing you?

Rx. His heels.3

Demaunde. Whiche is the best wood and leest brente.

Rx Vynes.

D: Which is the best wood but the least straight?

Rx. Grapevines.

Demaunde. Whiche is the moost profytable beest & that men eteth leest of.

Rx. That is bees.

D: Which is the most profitable beast, that people eat the least of?

Rx. Bees.

Demaunde. Whiche is the brodest water and leest Ieoperdye to passe ouer.

Rx. The dewe.

D: What is the broadest water that is the least dangerous to cross over?

Rx. The dew.

Demaunde. What thynges is it that the more that one drynketh ye lesse he shall pysse.

Rx. It is fartes & fyestes for Who that drynketh a hondreth thousande they shall neuer pysse a droppe.

D: What thing is it, that the more you drink deeply, the less you need to piss?

Rx. Farts and bad smells; even if you drink in a hundred thousand, you won’t piss a drop.

Demaunde. What thynge is it that neuer was nor neuer shall be.

Rx. Neuer mouse made her nest in a cattes ere.

D: What thing never was, and never will be?

Rx. A mouse nest in a cat’s ear.

Demaunde. Why dryue men dogges out of the chyrche.

Rx. Bycause they come not vp and offre.

D: Why do men drive dogs out of the church?

Rx. Because they never pay offerings.

Demaunde. Why come dogges so often to the chyrche.

Rx. Bycause whan they se the aulters couered they wene theyr maysters goo thyder to dyner.

D: Why do dogs so often come into the church?

Rx. Because when they see the alters covered in cloths, they think their masters are going there to have dinner.

Demaunde. Why dooth a dogge thourne hym thryes aboute or ye he lyeth hym downe.

Rx. Bycause he knoweth not his beddes hede frome the fete.

D: Why does a dog turn around three times before lying down?

Rx. Because it doesn’t know which end of its bed is the head or the foot.

Demaunde. Why doo men make an ouen in the towne.

Rx. For bycause they can not make the towne in the ouen.

D: Why do men make an oven in the town?

Rx. Because they can’t make a town in the oven.

Demaunde. What beest is it that hath her tayle bytwene her eyen.

Rx. It is a catte whan she lycketh her arse.

D: What animal has its tail between its eyes?

Rx. A cat when its licks its arse.

Demaunde. Whiche is the moost cleynelyest lefe amonge all other leues.

Rx. It is holly leues for noo body wyll not wype his arse with them.

D: What is the cleanest leaf amongst all the leaves?

Rx. Holly leaves, because nobody will wipe their arse with them.

Demaunde. Who was he that lete the fyrst farte at rome.

Rx. That was the arse.

D: Who let loose the first fart in Rome?

Rx. An arse.

Demaunde. How may a man knowe or perceyue a cowe in a flocke of shepe.

Rx. By syghte.

D: How may a man know or perceive a cow in a flock of sheep?

Rx. By sight.

Demaunde. What thynge is it that hathe hornes at the arse.

Rx. It is a sacke.

D: What has horns in its arse?

Rx. A sack.

Demaunde. What almes is worst bestowed that men gyue.

Rx. That is to a blynde man for as he hathe ony thynge gyuen hym he wolde with good wyll se hym hanged hy the necke that gaue it hym.

D: What charity is the worst bestowed that a man could give?

Rx. Alms to a blind man, for he would give anything to see his benefactor hanged.

Demaunde. Wherfore set the vpon chyrche steples more a cocke than a henne.

Rx. Yf men sholde sette there a henne seh wolde laye egges and tehy wolde fall vpon mennes hedes.

D: Why do we put roosters on church steeples and not hens?

Rx. If we put hens up there, they’d lay eggs which would fall on our heads.

Demaunde. What thynge is it that hathe none ende.

Rx. A bowle.

D: What thing has no end?

Rx. A ball/a bowl.4

Demaunde. What wode is it that ne reste vpon.

Rx. The claper of a lazers dysshe.

D: What wood is it that is never rested on?

Rx. The clapper of a lepers dish

Demaunde. How wolde ye saye two pater nosters for your frendes soule and god neuer made but one pater noster.

Rx. Saye one two tymes.

D: How would you say two prayers for your friend’s soul, when God only wrote one Pater Noster?

Rx. Say it twice.

Demaunde. Whiche ben the moost profytable sayntes in the chyrche.

Rx. They that stonde in ye glasse wyndowes for they kepe out ye wynde for wastynge of the lyght.

D: Who are the most useful saints in the church?

Rx. The ones in the stained glass windows; they keep wind out and let the light in.

Demaunde. What people be they ye neuer go a processyon.

Rx. They be those that rynge ye belles ein ye meane season.

D: Which people never go in a procession?

Rx. The ones that ring the bells to tell people of them.5

Demaunde. What is it ye freseth neuer.

Rx. That is hote water.

D: What never freezes?

Rx. Hot water.

Demaunde. What thynge is that yt is moost lykest vnto a hors.

Rx. That is a mare.

D: What thing is most like a horse?

Rx. A mare.

Demaunde. Wherfore be there not as many women conteyned in ye daunce of poules as there be men.

Rx. By cause a women is so ferefull of herte that she had leuer daunce amonge quycke folke than deed.

D: Why are there not as many women in the dance of poles as there are men?

Rx. Because a woman is so fearful of heart that she would rather dance among the living than the dead.6

Demaunde. Whiche is the clenlyest occupacyon that is.

Rx. That is a dauber for he may neyther shyte nor ete tyll he hath wasshed his handes.

D: Which is the cleanliest occupation there is?

Rx. A dauber for he may neither shit nor eat until he washes his hands.7

Demaunde. What daye in the yere ben the flyes moost aferde.

Rx. That is on palme sonday whan they se euery body haue an handeful of palme in theyr hande they wene it is to kyll theym.

D: What day of the year are flies most afraid?

Rx. Palm Sunday, when they see everybody has a handful of palms with which to swat and kill them.

Demaunde. What tyme of the yere may maydens moost with theyr honeste fyest in the chyrche.

Rx. In lent season for than euery sayntes nose and face is couered so that they smell no thynge

D: What time of the year may maidens most honestly fart in church?

Rx. During Lent, when the saints’ noses and faces are covered (with cloth) and they can’t smell anything.

Demaunde. What thynge is it the lesse it is the more it is dredde.

Rx. A brydge.

D: What is more frightening the less there is of it?

Rx. A bridge.

Demaunde. Wherfore is it that yonge chyldren wepe as soone as euer they ben borne.

Rx. Bycause theyr moder is noo more mayden.

D: Why do young children weep as soon as they are born?

Rx. Because their mothers are no more maidens.

Demaunde. Wherfore is it that an asse hathe so grete eyres.

Rx. Bycause het moder put no begyn on her heed in her yought.

D: Why does an ass have such great ears?

Rx. Because her mother never put a bonnet on her head when she was young.

Demaunde. What is it that is a wryte and is no man and he do the that no man can and yet it serueth bothe god and man.

Rx. That is a be.

D: What is it that is a wright and is not a man, and can do what no man can, yet it serves both god and man?

Rx. A bee.8

Demaunde. Whiche was fyrst ye henne or ye egge.

Rx. The henne whan god made her.

D: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Rx. The chicken, when god made her.

Demaunde. Why dothe an oxe or a cowe lye.

Rx. Bycause she can not sytte.

D: Why do cows and oxen lie down?

Rx. Because they cannot sit.

Demaunde. What people be they that loue not in no wyse to be prayed for.

Rx. They be beggers & poore people whan men say god helpe them whan they aske almes.

D: Which people do not love in any way to be prayed for?

Rx. The beggars and poor people, when men say god help them when they ask for alms.9

Demaunde. How many strawes go to a gose nest.

Rx. None for lacke of fete.

D: How many straws go to a goose’s nest?

Rx. None, straw hasn't got feet.

Demaunde. What tyme in the yere bereth a gose moost feders.

Rx. Whan the gander is upon her backe.

D: What time of year does a goose bear the most feathers?

Rx. When the gander is on her back.

Demaunde. What was he that slewe the fourth parte of the worlde.

Rx. Cayne whan that he slewe his broder Abell in the whiche tyme was but foure persones in the worlde.

D: Who slew one quarter of the world?

Rx. Cain, when he slew Abel; at that time there were only four people in the world.

Demaunde. What was he that was begoten or his fader and borne or his moder and had the maydenhede of his beldame.

Rx. That was Abell

D: Who was begotten by his father, and borne of his mother, but had his mother’s maidenhead?

Rx. Abel.10

Demaunde. What thre thynges be they that the worlde is moost mayntened by.

Rx. That is to were by wordes erbes and stones. Why with wordes man worshyppeth god and as of erbes that is all maner of corne that man is fedde with and as stones one is that gryndeth the corne and the other encreaseth the worlde.

D: What three things is the world most maintained by?

Rx. Words, herbs and stones. With words, man worships god, and it is from herbs that all manner of grains comes to feed men, and as for stones, one sort you grind grain with, the other sort increases the world.11

Demaunde. What is ye aege of a felde mous.

Rx. A yere. And a hedge may stande thre mous lyues and the lyfe of a dogge is the terme of thre hedges standynge & the lyfe of a hors is thre dogges lyues and the lyfe of a man is thre hors lyues and the lyfe of a gose is thre mennes lyues and ye lyfe of a swanns and the lyfe of a

D: What is the age of a field mouse?

Rx. One year. And a hedgehog may stand for three mouse lives, and the life of a dog is three times that of a hedgehog, and the life of a horse is three dogs’ lives, and the life of a man is three horses’ lives, and the life of a (wild) goose is three men’s lives, as is a swan’s life, and the life of a swallow is three

swalowe is thre swanne lyues and the lyfe of an egle is thre swalowes lyues and the lyfe of a serpent is thre egles lyues and the lyfe of a rauen is thre serpentes lyues and the lyfe of a harte is thre rauens lyues and an oke groweth v hondreth yere and it standeth in one state fyue hondreth yere and it fadeth fyue hondreth yere besyde the rote why the doubleth thre tymes eueryche of the thre aeges a foresayd.

swans’ lives, and the life of an eagle is three swallows’ lives, and the life of a serpent is is three eagles’ lives, and the life of a raven is three serpent’s lives, and the life of a hart is three ravens’ lives, and an oak grows for five hundred years, and it stands for five hundred years, and then it dies for five hundred years.12

Demaunde. A man had thre doughters of thre aeges whiche doughters he delyuered to sell certayne apples and he toke to the eldest doughter L apples and to the seconde xxx apples and to the yongest ten apples and all these thre solde in lyke many for a peny and brought home in lyke moche money now how many solde eche of them for a peny.

Rx. The yongest solde fyrst seuen for a peny and the other two systers solde after the same pryce than ye eldest syster had one odde apple lefte and the seconde syster two and the yongest thrs

D: A man had three daughters of three different ages. He ordered his daughters to sell apples, and he gave the eldest fifty apples, the second he gave thirty apples and the youngest he gave ten apples. All three sold their apples at the same price, and all three brought home the same amount of money; how did they do that?

Rx. The youngest sold seven apples for one penny. Her sisters said they would price their apples the same; the eldest sold 49 apples for seven pennies, and the second sister sold 28 apples for fourpence. So the eldest sister still had one apple, the second sister now had

apples now these apples lyked the byer soo well that in contynent he came agayne to the yongest syster and bought of her thre apples after thre pens a pece than had she ten pens and the secon be thoughte she wolde kepe the same pryce and solde her two apples for thre pens a pece and than had she ten pens & ye eldest solde her one apple for thre pens & than had she ten pens thus solde they in lyke many apples for a peny and broughte home in lyke moche money.

two and the youngest sister had three apples. Now the buyer liked the apples so much, he was willing to pay the youngest sister three pennies per apple, so she sold her remaining three apples for nine pence, and had ten pence in total. Her sisters decided to do the same with their remaining apples, and so the middle sister sold her two apples for sixpence and had ten pennies in total, and the oldest sister sold her last apple for threeppence, giving her ten pence in total. Thus they sold their apples for the same price, and each sister came home with the same money.13

Demaunde. what man is he that geteth his lyuynge bacwarde.

Rx. That is rope maker.

D: What man gets his living backwards? Rx. The ropemaker.14

Demaunde. What people be the that geteth theyr lyuynge moost merylyest.

Rx. Tho be prestes & fullers for one syngeth and the other daunceth.

D: What people make their living most merrily?

Rx. The priest and the fuller, for one sings and the other dances.15

Demaunde. What is he that made all and solde all & he ye bought all loste all

Rx. A smyth made an alle and solde it and the shomaker ye bought it lost it.

D: Who made all and sold all, and who bought all and lost all?

Rx. A smith made an awl and sol

Demaunde. Whether is it bett to lyue by thefte or by almes dedes.

Rx. The rewarde of thefte is to behanged and yf thou lyue by almes dedes that is by beggers tordes.

D: Is it better to live by theft or by begging (alms done)?

Rx. The reward of theft is to be hanged, and if you live by alms done that is by beggars turds.16

1 A handbarrow consists of a deep tray fixed between two poles – a wheelbarrow angles the poles and sets a wheel at one end, so that it can be used by one person not carried by two. There is a possible allusion here to a trope that drunkards are wheeled into hell in a barrow.

2 I have not yet been able to work out the meaning of this joke.

3 A sergeant-at-arms could be compared to a modern police officer. 'His heels' = him walking away.

4 Both ball and bowl have been spelled as "bowle" at this time, and the riddle works equally well for either.

5 This is an example of where the change in language makes the sense difficult: a more accurate modern wording is "those who ring the bells to give meaning to the season". Religious processions take place on holy days, which are announced by bell ringing. A more modern reworking would be something like "Who never takes part in Midnight Mass? The Christmas Bellringers".

6 This is another joke I haven't managed to work out. The closest I can come is that it possibly relates to something like a Morris dance, i.e. a dance involving batons or poles, with the idea that women are too afraid of being hurt to dance.

7 A dauber is a person who makes wattle and daub walls, which involves packing mud and straw into the frame of the wall.

8 A wright is a maker of things (c.f. wheelwright, cartwright). By making honey (to eat) and wax (to make candles) the bee is serving god and people.

9 In other words, beggars are not happy when people pray for them, rather than helping them in more physical ways.

10 The theology of this is debatable: there is no church doctrine that Eve retained her virginity after marrying Adam. It is possible that this is a bowdlerised joke, and that the original answer was Jesus, but it was deemed too profane an answer. Otherwise, it is possible that there was an idea that Abel was conceived before Adam and Eve committed the original sin of eating the fruit of knowledge, with the common misconception that original sin = sex.

11 Stones = testicles.

12 I have no idea what this is based on. The results, by the way, are as follows:

Field mouse = 1 year
Hedgehog = 3 years
Dog = 9 years

Horse = 27 years
Man = 81 years
Wild goose = 243 years

Swan = 243 years

Swallow = 729 years

Eagle = 2,187 years

Serpent = 6,561 years

Raven = 19, 683 years

Hart = 59, 049 years

13 This is a pure mathematical logic puzzle. If you are struggling to visualise the maths:

14 Ropemakers walk backwards when twisting the ropes.

15 To full a length of woollen cloth, it is rolled up, and then beaten against a bench; the fullers leap in order to do so, using their torsos to pull and push the heavy roll.

16 This one really has me stumped, because I can't find a satisfactory way of translating this to modern English in a way that makes sense. "Dedes" is the past tense of "to do", but is also a synonym with "dead". Almes-dedes, that is alms-done, refers to begging, with overtones of not entirely honest begging (i.e. someone who is capable of working, but fakes disability in order to beg for money). "Tordes" means both "towards" and "turd". So the meaning is essentially, is it better to steal, or to beg – stealing gets you hung, and begging when you are fit makes you a collector of turds, with a whole lot of wordplay and double meaning relating to destiny and death going on, that simply doesn't work in modern English.

------

Copyright 2018 by Anwyn Davies. <anwyn at internode.on.net>. Permission is granted for republication in SCA-related publications, provided the author is credited. Addresses change, but a reasonable attempt should be made to ensure that the author is notified of the publication and if possible receives a copy.

If this article is reprinted in a publication, please place a notice in the publication that you found this article in the Florilegium. I would also appreciate an email to myself, so that I can track which articles are being reprinted. Thanks. -Stefan.